Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect men with 'significant others' not to use the services of a prostitute?

137 replies

FourArms · 28/09/2009 17:39

Have just returned from a trip to visit my DH who was on a R&R period as part of his job. These men have been seperated from their OH's for a month or so. On the first evening quite a number of them used the services of prostitutes.

Quite apart from the rights and wrongs of people working in the sex industry, AIBU to think that men shouldn't need to do this? Some of them do have wives and girlfriends at home. I am also a bit about the general acceptance of this by the other blokes, and the fact that this is all kept secret from the partners at home. Luckily for the blokes involved, I don't know any of their partners, if I did, I'm not sure I could keep my mouth shut about it. I would want to know if my DH was doing this.

OP posts:
snapple · 28/09/2009 17:47

ofcourse yanbu, how sickening. what kind of place does your dh work in that this is accepted conduct or part of the culture?
what does your dh think about it?

lavenderkate · 28/09/2009 17:49

My Dh has told me he has colleagues in his industry who quite openly trot off together in the night to find ladies like this.
Not all, but a significant number.
They are suited and booted businessmen away for a couple of nights with wives and families at home.
He tells me he finds it sad.
And yes i am very glad I dont know them either.

Unfortunately, I dont think its unusual.

Original poster
FourArms · 28/09/2009 17:52

My DH is horrified by it, but does know that it goes on. Would rather not give too many details, but DH is in the military.

Not sure how I feel about the blokes who are free and single. The prices they paid were so cheap, that I feel the women are still being really exploited. My main issue was for the women at home getting on with life without their partners, whilst the blokes are sleeping with prostitutes, apparently without proper protection (although nothing is 100% anyway) which could possibly cause problems for the women at a later date.

OP posts:
JeminTheDungeon · 28/09/2009 17:56

YANBU.

Great relationships they must have eh? Feel so sorry for their partners.

Rindercella · 28/09/2009 17:56

YANBU, but sadly I am not surprised by this.

I used to work in the IT industry and years ago, after my team had landed a huge deal, the sales guy took all the team (except me, cos I is a woman ) to Amsterdam to celebrate. A very good friend who was on that trip told me about some of the goings on. He said that one of the men, on the same day he went to the diamond facory to buy his gf an engagement ring, had sex with a number of prostitues. And boasted about it. Friend was quite disgusted by this; several of our colleagues weren't.

It seems some men can happily divorce having sex with prostitues from their partners.

PixiNanny · 28/09/2009 18:00

My boyfriend was telling me how when he was in the marine's his colleagues used to do that, horrible stuff Though, some women give their partners permission to do it, just to bear in mind (not that often though!)

It's very sad, why would you sleep with a prostitute behind your partners back? (if at all?)

Snorbs · 28/09/2009 18:00

I find it dreadful (unless it's part of an agreed open relationship etc). But then people of both sexes using foreign business trips as an excuse for a bit of no-strings sex is far from uncommon

snapple · 28/09/2009 18:07

Some people do not want an equal, sharing relationship. They like the power involved in buying a human being who can be made to do almost anything.

I think any buyer of sex is sad. I feel for anyone who has to work with people like this.

pjmama · 28/09/2009 18:08

I've never understood how a man can be turned on by shagging a woman who has absolutely no interest in shagging him back. No matter how good an actress, don't they realise these girls probably despise them? It's all a bit soulless, but I guess its been going on since time began. I pity the poor wives and girlfriends and hope they never have to find out what vile, shallow, selfish individuals their partners really are.

KERALA1 · 28/09/2009 18:08

All my ex bf's male friends, when he lived in the far east, regularly went on boys "golfing" weekends. Which was basically a trip to a brothel in the PHillipines. He was more friendly with the partners so stayed in Singapore with the women and had to endure all the "missing you" phone calls from the men. They all did it and the wives and girlfriends did not have a clue. Disgusting.

KerryMumbles · 28/09/2009 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FourArms · 28/09/2009 18:09

But why do they do it? Do you think it's just peer pressure? Is there some male need that I just don't understand?

Some of the blokes had sex with the same prostitute, one after another. It just feels disgusting to me.

I can't imagine giving my DH 'permission' to do this. Quite apart from the possibility of STDs, I feel it is exploitative for the prostitutes in most cases.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 28/09/2009 18:11

YANBU

What a relationship eh? DH would be out on ear if he was to ever do so.

pjmama · 28/09/2009 18:12

Sadly I suspect that most of us don't really want to know just how many men are capable of doing this type of thing, if they think they'll never get caught

Original poster
FourArms · 28/09/2009 18:13

KM - no, not at all. Can any of us be certain about anything? That's why I find the secrecy about it all so worrying. But I do trust my DH, and would say that I really don't think he'd ever do this. But presumably all the women whose partners are doing it think that too?

OP posts:
SausageRocket · 28/09/2009 18:13

ick.

RubysReturn · 28/09/2009 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snapple · 28/09/2009 18:13

...Actually I really do hope the partners really do find out how vile and selfish their partners are. Apart from allowing them to move on I think it is really important for their own health.

I remember a work colleague who found out her dh was using prostitutes - she divorced him pretty quickly but it transpired he had been doing it for a couple of years.

fruitshootsandleaves · 28/09/2009 18:14

One after another, nice.

blueshoes · 28/09/2009 19:03

There is a risk of this happening, particularly amongst blokes who travel a lot because of the opportunity it offers.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 28/09/2009 19:19

Women should never underestimate how much all women are hated by some men. To paraphrase somebody or other.

Really - soo many men despise women. They are taking their partners for fools - homemakers, cooks, sexual servicers, whilst shitting all over their promises behind their backs. But it 'doesn't count' because they bought the use of some poor woman's body? Sick.

lovechoc · 28/09/2009 19:22

Ha, DH is too tight to pay for the services of prostitutes. he even told me this himself. he said why pay for it when you can do it for free! lol

LadyMidnightMT · 28/09/2009 19:24

This gives me an opprotunity to use one of my favorite quotes;

Men don't pay prostitutes for sex; they pay them go go away after sex.

LadyMidnightMT · 28/09/2009 19:25

Does your DH work on the iol rigs by chance?

Original poster
FourArms · 28/09/2009 19:45

No LMMT, I said above he is military.

I suppose I just don't get why they would go to these extremes to have sex. I think it's unreasonable that they just can't be celibate, or do a DIY job whilst away from their partners.

OP posts: