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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect men with 'significant others' not to use the services of a prostitute?

137 replies

FourArms · 28/09/2009 17:39

Have just returned from a trip to visit my DH who was on a R&R period as part of his job. These men have been seperated from their OH's for a month or so. On the first evening quite a number of them used the services of prostitutes.

Quite apart from the rights and wrongs of people working in the sex industry, AIBU to think that men shouldn't need to do this? Some of them do have wives and girlfriends at home. I am also a bit about the general acceptance of this by the other blokes, and the fact that this is all kept secret from the partners at home. Luckily for the blokes involved, I don't know any of their partners, if I did, I'm not sure I could keep my mouth shut about it. I would want to know if my DH was doing this.

OP posts:

bronze · 29/09/2009 16:05

this thread makes me feel queasy and like I want to cry

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 29/09/2009 16:07

bronze, that's a very personal reaction. Perhaps you shouldn't have posted on it so it appears in your "Threads I'm On" if it makes you feel ill?

bronze · 29/09/2009 16:09

nah I'm alright. I just struggle with this world where people think its ok to treat others badly.
I cry at the news but I survive

Malificence · 29/09/2009 16:10

pmsl at the SGB and Dittany comments!
I have far more respect for men than to think they would all pay for sex, I know 100% that mine wouldn't and the vast majority of women should know whether their husband is capable of it or not.

When we were in Germany , the blokes were too scared of being blown up by the IRA to go practically anywhere!
UD, would you concur that a married man who would pay for sex has absolutely No respect for his wife?

UnquietDad · 29/09/2009 16:12

malificence - I think that would be a huge generalisation without knowing the details of his marital situation, actually. It would make me uncomfortable to be in his presence, but then so do lots of things.

YummyorSlummy · 29/09/2009 16:13

UnquietDad- my dh has been telling me for almost the entire length of our marriage that all he cares about when it comes down to sex is that I want to do it with him- I've never listened (thought he was just being nice)...but seeing another man affirm this actually makes me believe it more. Perhaps I can spend the 'boob job fund' on something more interesting and stop agonising over my lack of knowledge when it comes to acrobatic sex position lol!
He certainly has the same views on prostitutes. He would be extremely put off at the thought that someone was only having sex with him so they could feed their family for a week, or get their latest fix...
Some of his (sleazy) old friends from his hometown wouldn't think twice about sleeping with a prostitute if they were in amsterdam/ibiza/similar tacky holiday spot, but they are much less picky than him!

scaryteacher · 29/09/2009 16:14

Turn this around then Mal.....how would you feel about a woman who used a male 'escort' for whatever reason? Would she be liberated and in charge of her own sexuality (and maybe safer than picking up a random bloke) or sleazy?

bronze · 29/09/2009 16:15

Still find one in ten a shocking figure

UnquietDad · 29/09/2009 16:16

I think it's great that this thread has got to four pages and nobody has yet had to bring up the old Jeanette Winterson/Le Creuset saucepans/housewives/ 'but marriage is like prostitution anyway isn't it' stuff.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 29/09/2009 16:16

I think that for some men who use the services of prostitutes, it's actually done out of respect, in a weird and perhaps twisted (to a female mind) way. He wants sex/sex in different positions/something a bit more specialist and knows that his DP/DW doesn't, so out out of respect he doesn't ask her, but goes and pays for it.

Some men, of course, have absolutely no respect for any woman - I don't know if they're more or less likely to see WGs, though.

skihorse · 29/09/2009 16:18

morningpaper Perhaps I could regale the story of the man who turned up with a Safeway carrier bag full of clingfilm... who asked to be wrapped head to toe (naked and hard), a hole poked through so he could breathe - pushed on to a bed and left for 5 minutes? 70 quid please sir!

How does one DISCOVER that being totally clingfilmed is for them? Accident in the kitchen when you slip on a bit of clingfilm?

UnquietDad · 29/09/2009 16:19

I do think it's true that if a man has a sexless, loveless marriage (or one that pretty much is) enforced on him then he isn't going to hang around the house wanking for very long. And he won't always find solace in the ample bosom of Debbie from Accounts. I'm lucky not to be in this position, but I can't really judge men who are.

Malificence · 29/09/2009 16:21

If she was married then I would feel exactly the same as I do about a man doing it.
It's the ultimate betrayal, well, almost, that would be a man cheating on his pregnant wife.
Yummy, my hubby said something similar to me when I was trying to spice things up, he told me I was going way over the top and all he really wanted was for me to love him and want/enjoy sex with him.

The only thing I am unable to do for him is turn myself Japanese, he has a real thing for Japanese Geishas, but hey, he's allowed one fantasy ( I suppose).
He won't be visiting Japan alone!

UnquietDad · 29/09/2009 16:22

Malificence - "d'you really think so?"

UnquietDad · 29/09/2009 16:24

No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women
No fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it's dark
Everyone around me is a total stranger
Everyone avoids me like a cyclone ranger

crankytwanky · 29/09/2009 16:25

It's icky, but by no means just happening abroad.

I used to work in a restaurant in a v. small town in hampshire that had "Golf" events.
The restaurant owner would hire 4 "strippers" who would "perform" all day. It was sickening, and all the waiting staff, (some of whom were 15/16 yo) had to watch.
These were pillars of the community in rural hampshire. Two years ago!

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 29/09/2009 16:28

cranky, by "strippers" and "perform" do you mean simply that they were strippers doing their jobs, or that they were prostitutes servicing customers?

Given the context of the thread, I think it's important that's established, and it's not clear from your post.

But I agree, strippers at a Golf event is pretty sleazy.

Malificence · 29/09/2009 16:30

You must be an 80's teen like me!

CheerfulYank · 29/09/2009 16:32

Gross. Gross. And again, gross.

crankytwanky · 29/09/2009 16:40

They were prostitutes. And they serviced the men. (£10 a pop)
They did an act, but it was not just stripping. They were performing acts on each other, men were fucking them with strap-ons, performing cunnilingus (sp) on them, getting blow-jobs etc.
In one particularly memorable turn, a young lady with her children's faces tattooed on her body was writhing around with a light candle up her anus!
The children's faces made me so .

Strippers these days do a lot more than just strip. The "agent" for these girls said their job had become more competitive since so many women were being trafficked and made to do ever more depraved stuff.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 29/09/2009 16:41

Thanks, cranky, and agree that's very, very nasty. Surely there was some sexual offence committed when under-18 waiting staff were present?

YummyorSlummy · 29/09/2009 16:44

at golf club shenanigans!! My friend works at st andrews golf club- will have to ask her if this goes on there!

Malificence · 29/09/2009 16:46

Nasty isn't the word, not to mention totally illegal?
I'm afraid I would have dragged out all the "ladies" by the hair, job or no job. Surely someone had the moral substance to put a stop to it?

LadyMidnightMT · 29/09/2009 16:49

of course all men wouldn't go to a prostitute. Some men could never afford to

joke

The Sophie Anderton revelations are interesting in the context of this thread non? "it didn't last long. He handed me £10k, I thought, 'All that money for that?'

I think she has a point.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 29/09/2009 16:49

Why the ladies? Why not the men, or the (almost certainly male) organisers?

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