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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry at a good friend for benefit fraud...

174 replies

Treil · 28/08/2009 14:48

She is a single Mum claiming to stay at home but has at least 3 cash in hand jobs that I know of. It's not just about the morality of it, i'm also really worried about her ending up in serious trouble. The longer this goes on (4 years now) the more cash in hand work she does and the more she seems to expect and feel 'entitled' to. I have tried talking to her but she is very defensive and seems able to justify it to herself at least. It is badly affecting our friendship.

Meanwhile my partner and I are working hard, paying taxes and have the current economic climate hanging over our heads, it just doesn't seem right somehow ...

Would really like to get some perspective on this and welcome your views/experiences. I can't even talk to my partner about it because he is more wound up than me and would probably report her.

OP posts:
FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite · 28/08/2009 14:51

She'd earn more money by registering as self employed, it would also be legal, she will have to sort the tax and NI out herself though but it's a small price to pay for peace of mind and doing the right thing.

I couldn't be friends with someone who does this, as much as I like them, it would make me feel really uneasy. Could you not talk to her about it?

milknosugarplease · 28/08/2009 14:55

Grr! i think its so so workng that people do this! when there people like you & i paying taxes etc and people are really struggling right now!

it just seems to be a given thing with alot of people!

i went on jobseekers, only signed on twice as i then got a job, the amount of people who said "just carry on signing on no one will know!" well i would know!!!!! would never have dreamt of carrying on!

if im not entitled to it then im not entitled to it!

is it REALLY worth the amount of trouble they would get in?!

if i were you i would report her...not in a nasty way but like you said the longer this goes on for the worse it will be WHEN (because they will!) find out. you can do it annonomously (SP???).

just my opinion

milk

xx

monkeypinkmonkey · 28/08/2009 14:59

RAAA. It's people like this that really boil my blood. I so desp want dp to move in but we can't afford it at moment and I morally couldn't commit fraud.
I would just stop being friends with her, as it will prob be you she will turn to when they do catch up with her.
I don't think I could report her if she was a close friend but if she isn't go ahead, shes been committing a criminal offence.

Original poster
Treil · 28/08/2009 15:01

I have considered reporting her but I don't want to see her in a lot of trouble (even if it is self inflicted) at my hands, i just want her to stop doing it!

I had wondered if I was just jealous seeing as she lives in a brand new house rent and council tax free and enjoys luxuries in life that I just can't afford!

OP posts:
hanaflowerhatestheDM · 28/08/2009 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite · 28/08/2009 15:03

At least you know that you have earned the things you have honestly, there's alot to be said for integrity and peace of mind.

Original poster
Treil · 28/08/2009 15:05

Fluffy I have tried talking to her about it but she get's quite angry and really can't see that she is in the wrong. She says she can't live on benefits alone but can't come off them and work full time as it wouldn't leave her enough time to look after her daughter's pony

OP posts:
hanaflowerhatestheDM · 28/08/2009 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite · 28/08/2009 15:07

Pony!!

It'll end in tears!

milknosugarplease · 28/08/2009 15:07

hun, she wont stop doing it, she clearly doesnt see anything wrong with it, i understand that you dont want to see her in trouble but she could be in a heck of alot of more trouble in 2 years or so.

maybe you are jelous- i know i am when i see people taking holidays etc that i cant afford no matter where the moneys from.

but if you look at it, shes paying these things with benefits using tax money that you pay, whilst going without luxuries, would you outrightly buy her that brand new toaster/kettle/shoes?

milk

xx

weegiemum · 28/08/2009 15:09

I would report.

Its just not right.

pinkpalace · 28/08/2009 15:13

Call the benefit fraud hotline and you can report her in anonomously. I have done it with a very close family member. Whilst my family are scrimping and saving the other family in question were 'living it up'.

I have no problem with people claiming benefit if that is what they are entitled to. The system is there to help people who need it and your friend is obviously not one of these people.

Just remember, if you and your husband are tax payers you are funding her lifestyle.

Original poster
Treil · 28/08/2009 15:13

Thanks ladies, you've helped me to see that I am NOT being unreasonable. I'm going to brace myself and talk to her one last time and try to make her see that she is wrong and could potentially be in a lot of trouble.

How should I go about it?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 28/08/2009 15:23

you can report her....but then they have to prove it. mostly reported stuff can't be proven,from what i remember hearing from a fraud officer here on mn!!

Kizzipoppet · 28/08/2009 15:36

If she's been doing it for four years, I suspect she won't be thinking of giving it up for a long while yet.... My prospective that she is effectively 'stealing' from the government, which is basically funded from all of us paying our taxes for our work.

I wouldn't hesitate in shopping her after 4 years. I would find it very difficult to be friends with someone who has her ethos to how she funds her lifestyle!

madusa · 28/08/2009 15:43

she isn't setting a very good example to her DD is she?

My DH and I work hard so that we can have nice things andso thatour children know that you have to work if you want something.

Report her

noddyholder · 28/08/2009 15:52

Talk to her if you must but don't report her!It is her business really and up to the govt to catch her not for her friends to shop her.This sort of thing is very common and a lot of people do get caught eventually.

MummyDragon · 28/08/2009 15:53

Sheesh, how old is her daughter? Is your friend paying for the pony's food, vet bills, blacksmith etc etc? Coz I don't think that's what welfare benefits are intended for ... (I am not trying to suggest that benefits recipients should not be able to spend the money on whatever they want - that topic has been debated on here recently & I have no wish to reignite it - but I do think that avoiding paying tax & committing benefit fraud in order to fund a pony is taking the piss).

I know I am always the first one on MN to say "report her" for things like driving whilst talking on a hand-held mobile, driving without a licence etc etc ... and I won't say anything different now. You've spoken to her about it several times; she is stealing from every taxpayer in the land, including all those on MNet; please report her.

On top of all that, she has a moral and legal duty to pay tax on her earnings; the rest of us do it, so that people who are struggling can receive benefits to help them. Your friend shouldn't be any different. If everyone did what she's doing, there would be no money in the pot to pay benefits to people who need them.

Her daughter must be so proud of her

katiestar · 28/08/2009 16:04

Just stay out of it.She's an adult if she gets caught it's her problem.

HappyMummyOfOne · 28/08/2009 16:04

I'd report her too, after 4 years she's not going to stop of her own free will. That money could be spent on schools, hospitals etc.

Original poster
Treil · 28/08/2009 16:10

Mummy that is exactly the reply I would have given if I had read my post on here, thank you for helping me see that.

Who can genuinely say they would report a friend? It would affect her daughter too which is my main concearn.

I must admit that one of the things that has brought this to a head is knowing so many people that have been made redundant lately. It is so so wrong for someone to take money out of the pot illegally whilst there are so many genuine claimants doing things by the book.

Sad thing is up until a few years ago I really valued this friendship but how can I stay friends with someone that can't see this is wrong?

OP posts:
random · 28/08/2009 16:15

Don't report her ..its a horrible thing to do to a friend imo

Dizzyclarebear · 28/08/2009 16:26

Oh sorry but she isn't stealing from 'the government' - she's stealing from you (and me, and every other person who pays into the system and only takes what's right). If she and all the other people who do this stopped, then then benefit bills would fall and therefore taxes could be cut). It's your money she's taking.

Report her.

violethill · 28/08/2009 16:31

Agree dizzy.

It's theft.

I think you need to ask yourself what other criminal activity you would knowingly ignore? I don't really get why some people single out benefit fraud as a 'different' crime. Do they also think people should get away with shoplifting? Burglary? How about mugging?

iamtrufflepig · 28/08/2009 16:33

I have a friend who used to do this. I never reported her but somebody else did. I wouldn't worry too much about her getting into trouble. My friend was told that she had to come off benefits, but that was it, no fine, no paying back what she had received. She went back on them later and carried on with what she was doing so obviously the experience of being caught wasn't too bad.