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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry at a good friend for benefit fraud...

174 replies

Treil · 28/08/2009 14:48

She is a single Mum claiming to stay at home but has at least 3 cash in hand jobs that I know of. It's not just about the morality of it, i'm also really worried about her ending up in serious trouble. The longer this goes on (4 years now) the more cash in hand work she does and the more she seems to expect and feel 'entitled' to. I have tried talking to her but she is very defensive and seems able to justify it to herself at least. It is badly affecting our friendship.

Meanwhile my partner and I are working hard, paying taxes and have the current economic climate hanging over our heads, it just doesn't seem right somehow ...

Would really like to get some perspective on this and welcome your views/experiences. I can't even talk to my partner about it because he is more wound up than me and would probably report her.

OP posts:
Dominique07 · 29/08/2009 22:00

with trees and trees worth of duplicate twaddle just to make sure they've wasted as much paper as poss

expatinscotland · 29/08/2009 22:03

That won't work because all those things have the postage franked onto them with that black print.

The address is always printed on the back flap, too.

Dominique07 · 29/08/2009 22:08

Humph. Well I don't know then Treil!
But whilst she seems to have cash to spare, I expect that she is not really laying down any for the future. It seems strange that she wouldn't want to get out of this situation.

Ninks · 29/08/2009 22:21

"Duplicate twaddle"

HMRC are the worst offenders for that IMO.

BradfordMum · 29/08/2009 22:26

Report her and she will be given the chance to do it all legally.
If she's caught by them, it's a whole different ball game.

brokenspacebar · 29/08/2009 22:37

I had wondered if I was just jealous seeing as she lives in a brand new house rent and council tax free and enjoys luxuries in life that I just can't afford! is she an mp?

expatinscotland · 29/08/2009 22:42

Where are all these councils with brand new houses, not even flats?

Shit, I'm living in the wrong place!

Northernlurker · 29/08/2009 22:55

expat - any news on your housing situation?

expatinscotland · 29/08/2009 22:57

Nope. Someone coming over from the HA on 1 September. We'll see what she's got to say.

Northernlurker · 29/08/2009 23:03

Will keep my fingers crossed. Do you have to be out by the end of September?

Laquitar · 29/08/2009 23:07

I never report.

Years ago my best friend was single mum on benefits. She managed to feed her dcs and clothe them from charity shops. But shoes were more tricky. Anyway, somebody offered her an emergency job, only few shifts, looking after an old lady. She made £50 and bought her dcs new boots. Big crime . Another 'friend' reported her. All the benefits were suspended during the invistigation and took ages to start again. She suffered depression and her dcs suffered too. Reporting someone who is bringing children on her own is not funny.

And something else. Who these single mothers clean for? Funny how most people don't mind if it benefits them too (cheap labour)! How many 'nice families' who 'work hard' have cheap/ilegal cleaning and childcare (many politicians aswell). Happy to keep a blind eye when it suits us.

Sorry, very long

Ninks · 29/08/2009 23:20

I got a new HA house three years ago. But that was after DD, DH and I lived in an ancient 1-bed flat for four years. Cost much more to heat and water it than where we live now which is interesting from a benefit-fraud POV.

DD had two life-threatening bleeds caused by the overcrowding before anyone would listen.

The new houses where I live surround a notorious estate which the council was supposed to have bulldozed redeveloped but ran out of money. So it looks OK for visiting dignitaries in cars but the reality of having to walk through it to the shop, or trying to sleep as people come back from the pub is pretty grim.

But it's a house. I don't own it and can't let DD aged 9 out at all because of the children throwing stones with their mothers drinking cans of beer at 10 a.m and just watching them do it, but I consider myself fecking lucky. Really.

Expat, all the very best to you. Fingers and everything else crossed. Let us know please?

FrameyMcFrame · 29/08/2009 23:34

don't report your 'friend'. It's really none of your business whether she is doing that or not.
I wouldn't even consider reporting my worst enemy as I think it's a petty and a busybody type thing to do.
hth

expatinscotland · 29/08/2009 23:43

Thanks all! Ninks, man, that sucks. I've lived in a dire estate before. It was at the least unpleasant.

expatinscotland · 29/08/2009 23:44

that's so true, laquitar!

Ninks · 30/08/2009 00:00

Expat, it's a roof and a well-insulated one.

No immediate danger apart from the untrained second-hand staffie and running gap between the gardens I was whinging about last night

I remember your posts about static caravans from last year was it? FGS, how can I complain?

I'll say no more than that, but it's so devisive pitting the poor against the poor. Working or not, I fecking well hate it.

weegiemum · 30/08/2009 00:04

expat - just wanted to add ...

have you thought of asking your Gp for a letter to support your housing application? A doctor's note can go a long way!!!!!!

(there might be someone there on Monday who can help!!! At least phone them!!!)

preciouslillywhite · 30/08/2009 00:40

Ninks- utterly agree with "pitting the poor against the poor"

It makes me

whethergirl · 30/08/2009 00:50

Fishie, I might be scum but at least I can dance.

Sorry, but a lot of this "I pay my taxes, why should they have a life as good as mine" talk is just coming over at bitter jealousy.

I think, mondaymonday, that the reason my post had some good comments is because it showed that it's not so black and white, and people could relate to my situation and my needs. Now I could give you the full story of my life the last 10 years to tell you how uI got to this position that I was today, but suffice to say my current situation was never one that I planned. Please be assured, I am not out raving every weekend and having gourmet dinner parties in between! I have a lot of friends, who all have different circumstances and different incomes but I am still worse off than those on the lowest of incomes, you'll be pleased to know. And I would work tomorrow, if only I could afford to pay the rent.

Junglist, I didn't mention it before, and don't want to use it to get the sympathy vote (or opposite!) on my side, but you did hit the nail on the head when made a link to mental health issues. I would even go as far as to say, there have been times that an extra tenner in my purse has saved me from mental hell.

I also do feel for people who do work really hard, for long hours and who wish they could see their children more, just to earn enough for a basic living. That doesn't seem right to me, and I really do sympathise with these situations. But that's their situation and this is mine, so we are both struggling - do I need to struggle more than them to make it more fair or justified? So I turn down this opportunity to work for a bit of extra cash so I can feel morally superior? Sorry, but when I go to bed at night, I want to be thinking "We've had a fun day today, taken ds to birthday party, had coffee with the other mums at the playcentre and got some of ds fave croissants for breakfast tomorrow" NOT "Well we've had to stay in all day again today except when we went to sainsburys to buy a value loaf and ds cried his eyes out when I couldnt buy him his Thomas mag. But at least I'm MORALLY SOUND, that sure makes up for it!"

whethergirl · 30/08/2009 00:57

God sorry, that was well long...I type fast

junglist1 · 30/08/2009 07:50

Another brilliant post whethergirl! You're on a roll mate! If people are doing extra for their children good luck to them. People can criticise but if they haven't lived it it's not valid. Funnily enough my life experiences will really help with the career I'll be going into (forensic psychology). I understand why people feel the way they do. Respect to you for being a good mum

expatinscotland · 30/08/2009 09:26

Thanks, all! Here's hoping. We're packing. Yep, we have to be out of here by end Sept.

Have 160 points/200.

It's not been good for my mental health for sure, my insomnia is very very bad and a few days it's been hard to keep very dark thoughts at bay, but thankfully the family gives me strength and in a way I'm glad for all this because it's just increased a sense of compassion for others and in particular, poor people, poor children and others who struggle with mental health issues.

So no, I just can't get it up to see people who do a few cash-in-hand cleaning jobs to pay their Kays' bill on par with the £40m jewel thieves.

Cracking post, whethergirl!

Yes, we pay our taxes. I like to think its primary function is so that we can all live in this relatively peaceful society and have clean water to drink and other basics like this, not as a gong to beat up the poor.

sheepgomeep · 30/08/2009 11:47

expat you are one of my favourite posters. Hope everything works out ok for you and your family

junglist1 · 30/08/2009 11:50

I'll second that.

maidenvoyage · 30/08/2009 14:35

Hi All, I quite often watch posts as I have said before. I would like to explainm my situation and why I am going to take the course of action that i am going to do.

I work full time, have brought up my son and daughter for the last fifteen years by myself. Had to buy the house of my ex husband 15 years ago. struggled for ten and built up huge debts so had to sell it five years ago.

Five years on I am paying £1000.00 per month rent and decided I would go to the council and try and get a council flat for myself and daughter.

Had home visit yesterday and was told that I can bid for as many properties as I like but will not get one due to the fact that I can earn a living and pay private rent. She did however say that i many have a chance of a two bed flat in a high rise block in our area. Think it has 15 floors. I would be grateful for a flat in a high rise block and told her so. She also told me that people who are looking for exchanges and living on benefits are turning down houses in a new build because of various reasons, ie garden not big enough, only one toilet etc. Before anyone says anything to that I am not in a million years knocking anyone on benefits.

Here now comes my desicion so that I can try and get a council flat from the system that i have paid tax and insurance all my working life (i am now 45), when my contract comes to a end next month. I will not rush and break my neck to get another job, i am going to get my landlord to evict me, and get a council flat. This is my only option so that my daughter can go to college and i can afford to send her there, She is not entitiled to ema because i work. We are not entilted to benefits because i work.

The system as much as it stinks now smells very nice to me!!!!!!!

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