To assume that this man was a sex offender

[blinks]

wondering whether or not i responded fairly to this guy today...

took my two girlies (4 and 1.5) to local canal avec swans/duck etc and on way back along path this man on a bike spotted us and stopped right beside us as we fed the swans. no-one else around

he looks a bit of an unlikely cyclist in the first place and he seems a bit agitated, albeit in a friendly way. VERY keen to strike up a conversation. After 10 seconds or so he got off his bike and stood quite near to us, talking about the swans in an extremely animated manner.

something about him really spooked me. it was a combination of the way he seemed very focussed on us, intent on talking to us, was extremely excited, talking really quickly and i suppose his appearance.

i decided to trust my instinct and get out of there asap, pulling my eldest up a muddy verge to get to the roadside. we crossed the bridge and i glanced down to the canal to see him kind of fiddling with his crotch... nothing exposed but definately fumbling in that area.

i was really shaken up by this but talking to my DH about it i'm wondering did i read this situation fairly? i'm wondering if i should report him to the police but then, what for? he didn't really do anything solidly illegal. verrrrrry creepy though.

Exactly Morris.

fwiw i think she did the right thing, and if concerned that the bloke really was up to no good then phone non emergency number and report.
the problem i had with this is that A) its in AIBU and B) its AIBU to ASSUME he was a sex offender. its like me saying AIBU to ASSUME everyone on AIBU is looking for a good ole showdown cos as a relative newbie its starting to look that way to me. can you hide a whole board?

I knew victim was the wrong word to use. Anyhow.

As for saying that everything thinks she acted correctly, I note that one poster called the OP a 'loon' who 'over-reacted' a bit further up. So there you go.

And may I ask why the OP should only report this if her husband thinks it's ok to do so? After all it happened to her and her DC, not him.

I got the impression that her DH just chatted about it, and didn't mind if she reported it or not. I don't think she was asking his permission. I haven't read the whole thread.

Aargh, I mean everyone* thinks not everything. That makes no sense.

pickyvic you can hide the topic I believe if you don't like it!

Nothing wrong with a ruck if you want one of course, I just think it's a bit unkind on a thread like this. Just MO of course.

You're right about the DH MorrisZapp. Teach me not to read through everything. OP said she felt unsupported by him and I was reacting to that.

However on that subject I note that someone else also told the OP that she needed to see a psychiatrist.

So hmmm...definitelty some dismissing and patronising going on there I think.

janos i agree actually - i hate the whole AIBU thing - i think it should be renamed because no one is ever unreasonable at all. ever.

i totally agree with what MorrisZap says a few posts back. If the OP was seeking victim support then AIBU on mumsnet probably isnt the place to seek it, and i have stated several times now that i think she did do the right thing and should phone the police non emergancy number.

the popcorn stuff was a joke - with reference to how daft some of the AIBU threads actually are and how so many people get their prissy knickers in an almighty twist over things like aged bus users grabbing their precious prams or cleaners making themselves a cup of tea. im betting there are many lurkers who sit back and watch the show.

Janos, both pickyvic and I have teenage boys with Aspergers.
Mine will start obsessive conversations with someone who appears to share an interest, and he is monotone and over-excited when he's talking about his subject. He also has a poor understanding of personal space.
It was irritating when he was 5, but over the years I have helped him become more aware of how others might perceive his behaviour.
Being mistaken for a pervert is one of the terrifying possibilities that may happen in this increasingly defensive and intolerant society.
The unwillingness to put any other interpretation on what happened to blinks, or that fear may have distorted her perception means that there is only one response that she wanted. Therefore this did not belong in AIBU, as it isn't open to debate.

Very well put, goblin.

Ok, I can absolutely understand why you would have strong feelings about people jumping to conclusion re 'odd' behaviour with a DS who has Aspergers.

It is of course equally possible that this chap (the one from the OP) didn't have Aspergers and was an unpleasant and threatening individual though.

Oh, and I definitely agree that some AIBUs are ridiculous.

goblin - thats what i meant. this, as a topic for AIBU was wrong.

'I mean what's with the trust your intincts bit, if you are supposed to ignore your instincts about the part that really matters, that this man was a sexual threat and might be to other women too?'

I know where you're coming from, but the guy hasn't committed any sort of crime has he? The OP thought he was a bit agitated and animated, somehow looked odd (non-specific though) and made her feel uncomfortable. He's not actually done anything wrong so far. She then leaves, and when crossing a nearby bridge glances back to see him rummaging in his pants (which may have been dodgy, or may have been innocent). He's not committed any crime, as far as we know. The OP thinks he might have been masturbating, but neither she nor we know for sure. Perhaps he has crabs and was having a good scratch - who knows? He may not have realised she was watching him.

Everyone's agreed that she was sensible to remove herself from that position if she felt uncomfortable. But labelling him a sex offender is way OTT, as is IMO reporting him to the police. He's not committed any crime, nor is there any evidence that he intended to do anything wrong. There have been high-profile instances in the past of the Police gonig after local weirdos for crimes that later are shown to be committed by other people, because they're easy targets and often find it hard to speak up for themselves.

dittany im really intrigued to know why you need to know so desperately who has come from where? are our names not on the list so can we not come in? are you the mumsnet bouncer?

ive been here for a couple of months, and i came over with a couple of other mums of kids with SEN, mine has aspergers and for the record im not a troll if thats what your thinking. just trying to find somewhere to decamp, perhaps mumsnet isnt it. i rarely bump into other people that i know but its nice when i do, and goblin child is one of those people that i do know, respect and like, i didnt want to speak for anyone else who came to mumsnet because i dont think its my place to do so on their behalf,
the popcorn was a joke. it seems that ive gone from one extreme (a heavily moderated forum where fluffiness rules) to the other, so i hope ive explained myself sufficiently.

Dittany, I thought my first half dozen posts were quite reasonable, not trollish at all.
Ah well.
I'll leave the fray now, but I'm pleased to see that I wasn't a lone voice pointing out that the man had done nothing illegal at all.