To assume that this man was a sex offender

[blinks]

wondering whether or not i responded fairly to this guy today...

took my two girlies (4 and 1.5) to local canal avec swans/duck etc and on way back along path this man on a bike spotted us and stopped right beside us as we fed the swans. no-one else around

he looks a bit of an unlikely cyclist in the first place and he seems a bit agitated, albeit in a friendly way. VERY keen to strike up a conversation. After 10 seconds or so he got off his bike and stood quite near to us, talking about the swans in an extremely animated manner.

something about him really spooked me. it was a combination of the way he seemed very focussed on us, intent on talking to us, was extremely excited, talking really quickly and i suppose his appearance.

i decided to trust my instinct and get out of there asap, pulling my eldest up a muddy verge to get to the roadside. we crossed the bridge and i glanced down to the canal to see him kind of fiddling with his crotch... nothing exposed but definately fumbling in that area.

i was really shaken up by this but talking to my DH about it i'm wondering did i read this situation fairly? i'm wondering if i should report him to the police but then, what for? he didn't really do anything solidly illegal. verrrrrry creepy though.

Even if he was rubbing his willy and thinking impure thoughts rather than adjusting his bits after cycling in tight shorts, looking for his travel card or about to have a wee, he wasn;t doing that until the OP had moved away.
Now on the one hand I have some sympathy with the viewpoint of The Gift of Fear (written by a man, BTW Dittany) and the idea that women unfortunately ignore their instinctive feelings that certain individuals are dangerous until it's too late, because women are socialised quite strongly to be nice and accomodating and not fuss, on the other hand, and I would support the right of anyone to just walk away from a conversation they don't want, on the other hand I think that some people are socially inept, have boundary issues, might even have conditions which mean they fiddle with themselves in public or make blatantly inappropriate remarks, but are not dangerous nor should they be hounded. So I guess my veiw on balance is :Get away if you feel uncomfortable, but don't dial 999 unless there is something definitely wrong. Because the vast majority of people are not, actually, out to attack you or make a pullover out of your skin.

i couldn't agree with you more dittany.

he wasn't wearing tight shorts solidgoldbrass.

and i doubt he keeps his travel card in his penis.

i also wasn't going to dial 999. i was thinking of mentioning it to my local police station in case. hardly the same.

your tone is a tad arrogant.

bottom line is Binks was there not us.binks it is your judgement call do what you think is best.

something in the situation alarmed binks enough to make excuses and go.as we all do as mothers she used her instinct,to protect our children

the thread developed further and there was speculation,on his mental state. my point is supposing or diagnosing mental health on line is never a good idea.ever

"I've spent all of my life around men and boys onagar, and except on the odd occasions men generally manage to keep their hands off their crotches, particuarly in public. So no men don't touch themselves all the time."

Dittany I couldn't disagree with you more. There are often topics on MN about little boys touching themselves all the time and many a time MNers add 'and so does my DH! Can't keep his hands off it!' with a fond amusement.

Also watching Big Brother this year it's noticeable that once the male contestants forget that the cameras are there (takes about a week) some of them are constantly fiddling with their crotches, nothing sexual about it - just readjusting, a comfort habit, whatever.

This man thought he was alone. She was by her own declaration 'over the bridge' and then she 'glanced down to the canal'. Maybe he can report her as a voyeur? It's about as reasonable as her 'assuming he is a sex offender'.

Dittany, don't take my word for it. I'm just a man so what would I know about male behaviour Try looking on here where there are always threads about their DCs or DH touching themselves.

-----------
"Hi Fred, How's things?"

"Ok, but had an odd encounter this morning. I was cycling (got it up to 5 miles now and the weight is falling off) and stopped for a breather down by the water.

I said hello to some woman feeding the swans there (as you do) and next thing she is flying up the path dragging this poor kid behind her.

I looked behind me, but there was nothing there so it must have been me she was running from. I had half a mind to report her. She looked so odd and I wondered if the child was really hers or she was a loon that had kidnapped one"

I think Seeker's scenario is the most likely. However if you are in a position where you feel uncomfortable,the best thing to do is quietly remove yourself as quickly as possible.

i think the problem here is people can always see a situation differently if you have made yourself scared and then see man scratch crotch it can be oh god his wanking coz of my kids to others his alone and actually re adjusting after sitting on cycle as i when other shave gone will get my knickers out my ass lol

others can see a bigger picture you can have the same incident and every time people will see it different i think you were concerned maybe you had right to be concerned but it also could have been what someone else has said i didnt see anything threatening in what was written readjusting trousers doesn't mean sexual just means readjusting once someone gets something in there brain they can amke out all sorts of things that aren't there

you were worried that fair enough leave it at that now no one will know for sure but me personally don't think he was why would a sex offender go to a secluded spot that probably normally no one there obviously didnt follow you there but was cycling through maybe as he has interest in swans which he had shown may have been happy to have someone there for once to share his interest in

sex offenders i thought went to busy places where they know would be lost of children not secluded spots where there would normally be no one

lost = lots

My first thought would be that this man had learning difficulties. I would have removed my children if I felt uncomfortable but I don't think it is a matter for the police. He didn't say anything inappropriate or do anything inappropriate. If touching his crouch was inappropriate behaviour then the police would be arresting thousands of perfectly normal men everyday.

yes, onager I am a loon.

if your wife or mother came home and told you a similar story i doubt you'd be so glib about it. especially if your children were also there.

your additional narrative is unnecessary, misleading and patrionising.

i do appreciate though that it's one of those things where you had to be there.

at 35 years old i feel wordly enough to tell the difference between a someone adjusting their tackle or doing up his fly and someone rubbing his crotch.

Applause for Dittany. Finally someone talks sense.

Scottishmummy...how strange,so people can debate the opinion that this man may be a sex offender/pervert/complete weirdo enough to phone the police,however you can say he may have a learning disability or mental disorder because it is on line.

It is all speculation and i thought the point of asking other people was to gain different perspectives and point of views..i really can't understand yours as sexual offenses and mental disorders are fairly often linked so it would be strange not to wonder about the mans mental health in Blinks frightning experience.

Sexual offenses do sometimes also go under the icd 10 so to assume someone is, is almost diagnosing or supposing. This is some info on sexual offenders and mental state if anyone is intrested..

Most sex offenders do not have a major mental illness (Grubin & Gunn, 1991). However, people with schizophrenia or related psychoses may commit sex offences or show abnormal sexual behaviour; this may be related to the psychosis itself, either directly (Smith & Taylor, 1999) or indirectly owing to disinhibition secondary to the psychosis (Craissati & Hodes, 1992), or it may be related to the presence of deviant sexual fantasies (Smith, 1999). Affective disorder in itself is not usually associated with serious sexual offending, although patients with hypomania may behave in a sexually disinhibited manner leading to offences ranging from indecent exposure to indecent assault (Brockman & Bluglass, 1996), and patients with paraphilias not infrequently have a comorbid history of dysthymia or depression (Kafka & Prentky, 1992).
Sexual offending may also be associated with organic brain damage (Hucker et al, 1988), learning disability (Walker & McCabe, 1973), substance misuse (Williams & Finkelhor, 1990) and personality disorder (Reiss et al, 1996). Where the offending behaviour is driven by sexually deviant fantasies, a clinical diagnosis of a paraphilia may be made using the ICD?10 classification codes F65.0?65.8 (World Health Organization, 1992) or code 302 in the DSM?IV (American Psychiatric Association, 1994). Sexually deviant fantasies and related deviant behaviour, however, are also common in the non-offending population (Templeman & Stinnett, 1991), although only in a proportion of sex offenders are paraphilias found.

It was only a different prespective and Blink you obviously did the right think by leaving a situation that mede you uncomfortable.

The word or implication of diagnosis was never from me ,your right that is very very wrong,however this whole thread is speculation whatever your views .

But in RL that is what would happen isn't it,if Blink phoned up and reported him and they found who he was the police would check to see if he had any recorded conditions that would have an effect on behaviour.

Anyway,it's not like me to get so embroiled in a discussion,i'm just a bit bruised from being jumped on. Must stop using moisturiser

Actually i apoligies...i did write diagnostic features, which could have given that impression,i should'nt have termed it in that way. Very sorry.

apologies..even

How can it be harmless to report him to the police? How would you react if the police turned up at your door because your son/ DH/ dad had chatted to some kids then scratched his crotch?

By all means, leave any scene in which you feel uncomfortable. But sex offender? I'm sure that's an overreaction.

Surely this is why all our dads and grandads can't take the kids to the park without our mums there to make it look legitimate - men near kids have to prove themselves innocent when it should be the other way round.

Btw I often get itchy in the pants area, and always wait until the coast is clear before having a scratch. Isn't this normal.

SKYBRIGHT i never made any speculative guess about the man alleged mental state

i made 2 posts total

i suggest you read my posts again,for your clarification. i abhorr this qausi-diagnostics or assumption that odd=mental health. unfortunately too much stigmatisation of mental health means it is demonised and people equate odd/unorthodox behaviours with mental health

1 i said diagnosis is a face to face skill,involving meeting someone and taking a history and account.subjective and objective. observable traits/features etc.not speculating wildly on pc.or listing symptoms

what next learn more diagnostics from diagnosis murder

it was in fact you who said diagnostic *Features and then listed text book symptoms in the absence of seeing him. subjective opinion gleaned from 3rd party account masquerading as diagnosis is plain daft and unprofessional.

2 i ended by saying
"the thread developed further and there was speculation,on his mental state. my point is supposing or diagnosing mental health on line is never a good idea.ever"

..do what you have to do..but crotch scratching does not mean sex offender (ie hackney on a good day )..you felt unnerved and you did what you thought was best...