To assume that this man was a sex offender

[blinks]

wondering whether or not i responded fairly to this guy today...

took my two girlies (4 and 1.5) to local canal avec swans/duck etc and on way back along path this man on a bike spotted us and stopped right beside us as we fed the swans. no-one else around

he looks a bit of an unlikely cyclist in the first place and he seems a bit agitated, albeit in a friendly way. VERY keen to strike up a conversation. After 10 seconds or so he got off his bike and stood quite near to us, talking about the swans in an extremely animated manner.

something about him really spooked me. it was a combination of the way he seemed very focussed on us, intent on talking to us, was extremely excited, talking really quickly and i suppose his appearance.

i decided to trust my instinct and get out of there asap, pulling my eldest up a muddy verge to get to the roadside. we crossed the bridge and i glanced down to the canal to see him kind of fiddling with his crotch... nothing exposed but definately fumbling in that area.

i was really shaken up by this but talking to my DH about it i'm wondering did i read this situation fairly? i'm wondering if i should report him to the police but then, what for? he didn't really do anything solidly illegal. verrrrrry creepy though.

Scottishmummy,yes it was wrong to say the word diagnostic,i have apologiesed for that.

I did notice that you never offered your views on this mans behaviour however it was only my post that you picked up on and said that you felt it was wrong to ever speculate on..i see your view however i very much stick by mine that by offering a slightly different prespective on someones behaviour is in fact surley educating when people may be unwell and need help.

Shunning away from mental health issues should be a thing of the past and the fact is people can behave in very odd and out of character ways when unwell.

If i was mentally ill and had behaved in a way that had scared someone when i recovered i would hope that the person may have thought that there was a chance i was ill as opposed to a sexual offender.

sorry i see no educational value in speculation about behaviour.given that this is a subjective anecdotal account, it is hardly evidence based is it?

but yes if you wish to ascribe a different perspective, that of course is your choice

do i note annoyance i responded to your post?
not personal,just happens i meandered at that time,and saw things differently

please don't read anything else other than that

Dittany, I was talking about adult men in public too. Ask around or do a search on here. There are always threads about DS and DH doing it absent mindedly.

It doesn't matter though because it's now become a soap opera. Any minute now someone will remermber he had a gun and looked 'forrin' and you can report him as a terrorist.

Male and outside without a women = evil.

Good thing this is mostly just a mumsnet attitude or we'd never get anything done in this country for hiding from each other.

Onagar

But what would you know about it? You are a mere male and thus in one of the Outer Circles.
I'm working with an NQT male next year. I wonder how long he'll last in the job. he'll have to call me in for every button and shoelace in case someone misinterprets his actions.

you never answered my question onager- if your wife/partner/daughter or mother came home shaken that she's felt very threatened by someone behaving strangely in an isolated spot and then noticed him rubbing his crotch afterwards, would you immediately launch into a diatribe about sexual politics...?

you have so far assumed that he was a 'regular guy' and i am a unnecessarily frantic mother who runs away from lone males if they so much as talk to me.

what a pile of utter shit.

and all this 'ask around' rubbish- do you imagine i (or dittany) have no contact with men or boys. do you think i flee from the mere sight of a penis? i have a brother. a father. a husband. a nephew. male friends. cousins. and (EEK!) i have handled a fair few of them in my time.

your posts are just so 'knowing' and cynical, they make me feel nauseous.

"your posts are just so 'knowing' and cynical, they make me feel nauseous."

A bit of an over reaction?
Do you overreact often?

you've got me.

i over-react ALL the time. that must be what it was. i really must stop it.

are you a bad lawyer perchance wugthump... watching too much ironside maybe?

I'm new to mumsnet, so I obviously have misunderstood how this AIBU bit works.
When you ask if you are being unreasonable about something, the answer is 'No, of course not sweetheart.'
Responses indicating that you may have over-reacted or misinterpreted a situation are wrong, unwelcome and from Bad People.
For the record, my OH thinks you are a loon who jumped to an unfounded conclusion.

Advice from Rasputin.
The predator they found almost impossible to kill, how surreal is that?

I've read the whole thread as it's emerged over the last few days and have been thinking about it too 'offline' (am very sad person with no life!!)

There was recently a case in Hastings where the guy jailed got his kicks from frightening women, even just on the phone. He started off just scaring women, but he progressed to attacking them. He was jailed a few weeks ago.

If I were you, Blinks, I would just email your local Safer Community Team or similar via their website and simply state the facts - could be perfectly innocent, could be a vital 'clue' but no harm done and no waste of time. It'll take you minutes to type it and them seconds to read it and copy into their database.

i'm not new to mumsnet. i've been here for 5 years. think i may have a bit of a grasp as to how things work, love.

your input though has been absolutely invaluable.

keep it up.

thanks rasputin and teddington- i'll follow my instincts and your suggestion is a good one teddington x

I'm not a soap opera fan, but I'm finding mumsnet addictive and entertaining.
All the thread about cleaners and eating habits, supernanny, the DM and not allowing husbands to have a drinky-poo after work on Friday. Along with the outrage at anyone having an opinion that differs from what is defined as the Norm here. All flouncing and heaving bossoms and 'Well, really!'
I'm not sure that I'll be able to cope for 5 years, but for summer fluff, it's just right.

oh i'm so happy the dancing monkeys entertain you...

I'm also grateful that in this country it is illegal for ordinary citizens to carry mace, tasers and weapons in general.
Imagine what handbags might contain then, and the ensuing havoc created by pre-emptive strikes.

Generally I do tend to think trust your instincts so not unreasonable for that. However, I do also think it is important to strike a balance between trusting your instincts and being rude to people. I think nowadays everyone looks at adults suspiciously, whoever they are.

I was with my father a few weeks and he had an experience which I think rather upset him. We were walking in the park. My father walking about 100m in front of dh and I, My dad saw a young boy kicking his football and start chatting to him about who his fabourite team are and kicking his ball with him. His parents were walking about 100m in front of him. They turned round and shouted at him to come along and gave my dad a filthy stare. This seemed wrong to me.

I know parents have to be careful but I feel children should learn that MOST adults are friends first.

blinks, I have no problem with you walking away if you felt uncomfortable. That part was reasonable enough (even though it sounds like a harmless encounter) It's the whole "sex offender" thing and how we're hearing that he didn't do anything else wrong as though he did anything wrong at all.

This just shows how sensible the MN/DM allliance is. The paper that picked Robert Murat just for standing there and proclaimed that he was a pervert/kidnapper.

They can't get enough of this kind of thing and they will tell you it's right and proper to think like that and that in turn will make you (not just you, you're just the one doing it today) feel vindicated.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand (for the third time)how would you feel if your daughter/mother/wife cam home and said-

'daddy/darling/son, i was down by the canal today when a very agitated man spooked me. his behaviour made me uncomfortable enough to make a hasty exit. when i looked back 5 seconds later he was pacing up and down fiddling with himself. definately not in the usual adjusting or doing-up-of flies manner. he seemed on edge and i felt very threatened.'

would you launch into a speech on the perils of labelling strange men, accuse your wife/daughter/mother of being a daily mail reader and reject the idea that feeling threatened by men who behave in a threatening way is a reasonable and understandable response...?

if that IS how you would respond, you are an arsehole.

But onagar isn't doing that to you Blinks!!

Onagar has repeatedly said that you were right to walk away. So why would Onagar launch into a tirade were his daughter/whatever to do exactly the same thing?!

I've got an 18 year old daughter, so I've said 'Well done for walking away from a situation that made you uncomfortable' many a time.
But she's also experienced the 'All teenagers are feral and dangerous' brigade, so that gives her an alternative perspective.

oh so the speech would only be saved for a suggestion of reporting the encounter?

Blinks - tbh and I usually err on the opposite of caution it sounds quite probable that he was a sex offender but totally inconclusive.

i say quite likely because I have had the joy of being flashed at/wanked at a lovely 6 times (one of the benefits of being a dog walker for 20 years) and everytime but one was in a secluded spot in a park/by the river.

I did once ring the police in circumastances relatively similar to your own (though he was staring at me whilst open rubbing himself over his trousers)

I eventually got brought in for an ID parade as the man had gone on later that day to flash at least one other woman and was foundout to have committed a sexual assult a few months previously.

Now of course your fella may have been just a bit of an eccentric or have sn, but he may also have been a sex offender.

Yes, and the suggestion that the man was a sex offender. And personally, I agree with him. The only 'evidence' that he might be a sexual menace was that he 'rubbed' himself after you'd left, when presumably he thought he was alone. Over the course of this thread this 'rubbing' has evolved into flagrant masturbation, but even so that's hardly a crime if he thought he was alone. He might be a weirdo, but to report him to the police is way OTT.

blinks, your DH is in that theoretical position, you came home and told him what had happened.

What did he say? Does he think you should report it?