To assume that this man was a sex offender

[blinks]

wondering whether or not i responded fairly to this guy today...

took my two girlies (4 and 1.5) to local canal avec swans/duck etc and on way back along path this man on a bike spotted us and stopped right beside us as we fed the swans. no-one else around

he looks a bit of an unlikely cyclist in the first place and he seems a bit agitated, albeit in a friendly way. VERY keen to strike up a conversation. After 10 seconds or so he got off his bike and stood quite near to us, talking about the swans in an extremely animated manner.

something about him really spooked me. it was a combination of the way he seemed very focussed on us, intent on talking to us, was extremely excited, talking really quickly and i suppose his appearance.

i decided to trust my instinct and get out of there asap, pulling my eldest up a muddy verge to get to the roadside. we crossed the bridge and i glanced down to the canal to see him kind of fiddling with his crotch... nothing exposed but definately fumbling in that area.

i was really shaken up by this but talking to my DH about it i'm wondering did i read this situation fairly? i'm wondering if i should report him to the police but then, what for? he didn't really do anything solidly illegal. verrrrrry creepy though.

The only thing she had to put up with was a man approaching her and being overly friendly. Crotch rubbing in public is perfectly normal - even sex in public is fairly normal - assuming that you think you're on your own and not being watched.

Masturbating or having sex in public are illegal activities though. They are still illegal even if no-one is watching.

I'm not sure about this argument that it's fine for men to go around masturbating in public if there's no-one around - having come across men masturbating while out walking, it's not very pleasant.

Also if crotch rubbing is fine and normal was I wrong to report the man who sat opposite me on an empty tube carriage leering and rubbing his obvious erection? I thought that it was pretty bad, but maybe that is actually fine?

That seems to be what a lot of people are saying

I'm assuming that they don't count because they'd already left - 'we crossed the bridge and i glanced down to the canal'. If the guy knew they were still around and could see them, and if he was actually having a wank, then obviously that's weird and is the sort of thing that should be reported. But from what the OP has told us, it sounds like he may not have known they could still see him, and it's also far from certain he was actually doing anything rude.

You're very unlikely to get arrested for masturbating or having sex in public unless you're doing it somewhere with other people around who can see you and you KNOW that you're likely to be caught or seen. There's no way that some bloke rummaging in his pants, on his own on a towpath, is committing any sort of criminal offence (even if someone does catch sight of him when glancing down from a nearby bridge).

'Also if crotch rubbing is fine and normal was I wrong to report the man who sat opposite me on an empty tube carriage leering and rubbing his obvious erection? I thought that it was pretty bad, but maybe that is actually fine?

That seems to be what a lot of people are saying'

Nobody's saying that, and you know it. Stop being so melodramatic.

Rubbing yourself and leering at other people is obviously wrong and illegal. But as far as we know, that's not what happened here so it's a pointless comparison.

You're not in Berkshire are you Blinks? Had a similar experience once (by the water) where man was most definitely flashing.....

Masturbating in public is illegal. Surely there is no discussion to be had about that

I think that most grown women can tell the difference between someone adjusting themselves and someone stimulating themselves. Or maybe the man on the tube just had uncomfortable pants on...

I don't think there's anything melodramatic about it - the man on the tube wasn't exposing himself so maybe it was fine. The police weren't interested though so obviously that was their thinking too.

Personally I think that blinks should follow her instincts.The police won't actually do anything now, but it could make a difference if the man offends in the future.

Wow, some of you on here REALLY don't like people disagreeing with you, do you?

domokun - this is nothing! take a look at the cleaner drinking tea thread! ive decided to run away from all threads that look suspiciously like they are gonna cause a rumpus. or end up in the daily mail. or both.

Pickyvic, there are a lot of fun threads.
I tell you, it's a whole new world for me over here, but it needs popcorn rather than the bucket.

'She didn't glance, she looked back.'

Really? I'm pretty sure the OP said 'we crossed the bridge and i glanced down to the canal'.

Sounds like she did 'glance' to me.

We are homeless and rootless, trying to find a website where we can chat with like-minded people and have long rational debates about the State Of The Nation.
Think of us as travellers camped on your manicured lawn, peering through your lace curtains.

hi goblin! we meet again! lol

be a honey and pass the popcorn eh!

dittany we migrated from Raising Kids....where disputes were settled with pixie dust and all disagreements vanished in a puff of moderated smoke before you could say !!

SOCD, I'm too mean to pay to talk to pv in private, and I think she probably is too.
I think she'd enjoy the 'DP went for a work drink without permission' thread, and the 'pram' thread though.

'fraid so goblin - we could always sign onto the dark side - still has its uses!

your spoiling me with all these threads! i may begin to feel rather giddy...dare i...oh go on then, cant resist a peek...ive not located the work drink one yet but have seen the pram one and avoided it. do we have a big enough bucket of popcorn?

I'm not at all surprised by the posters who are rushing to tell blinks how silly she is, what on earth was she upset for and she didn't really see anything that bad etc.

People love to dimiss and patronise the 'victim' (for want of a better term) when this sort of thing happens. Why, I wonder.

Bottom line is the OP was there, saw what happened and she was right to trust her instincts - obviously the event disturbed her afterwards which is why she came to post it on here and ask for a bit of advice.

Anyway blinks sorry to discuss you as if you aren't there. I would say that it's a good idea to report it if you are concerned.

Bit of an odd thread to get your jollies on, if winding someone up is your 'bag'.

Janos, could you highlight any posts in which the OPs instinct to move away quickly and take her kids with her was judged as being in any way wrong?

Not one person has said she had the wrong instincts.

It's the label 'sex offender' for a man who chatted about swans and then did something with his hand and his crotch when he thought nobody was looking that is causing consternation.

With respect to OP, I'm sure if she was looking for 'victim support' she wouldn't have posted in AIBU.