to think that "good" relationships are just so full of compromise that no one ever

[sunfleurs]

actually gets what they want, so no-one is ever actually really happy? And this way of doing things is in fact a one way ticket to low level depression?

Took kids to Drayton Manor Park today. It was brilliant, but the very best bit about it was being able to stay for as long as we wanted go on as many rides as we wanted and not have to get back for some arrangement ex had made and bicker with him about whether ds could go on the "Troublesome Trucks Roller Coaster" for the 4th time. We were just SO happy. I looked around and 80% of the couples I saw were moaning at each other or pulling faces, or just looked like they were having the worst time in the world.

It was my lightbulb moment that I will cling on to if ever I feel like getting involved with anyone again.

MY DH quite likes it when I pull out the leather .

I like doing things that make DH happy and he likes doing things that make me happy. We could both come and go as we pleased but we like being together. No compromise, we're just best friends.

Had a terrible relationship with a guy who liked to check up on my every move, was a complete party pooper stick in the mud and only wanted to do his own thing. Would sometimes drag him away from the football but was always under great protest and making me feel like crap the whole time.

When I met DH I couldn't believe he actually wanted to do things that I wanted to do and wanted me to come along and share his interests. I think I knew it was for real when I mentioned very hesitantly that my office xmas party was black tie, as I was sure he wouldn't want to go to the trouble. His face lit up and he said 'Awesome, I've got a tuxedo!'

I don't think it's so much about compromise as about finding someone you like to hang out with.

A good relationship does not mean you have to comprimise all the time. Dh and I both comprimise sometimes but we are happy with each other,

ABetaDad - yep, that sums up BIL to a T really. Let's just say the Royal 'We' is used a lot .

'We think this and we think that'

'We don't really watch that programme'

Yuck, pass me the sick bucket, PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE.

cabtouchthis - at Royal 'We'.

Yes, each to their own I suppose. I personally couldn't live that way. DH has his own opinions and I've got mine (and they do clash sometimes) but that's what makes us unique: not being exactly the same. It means there's always a different perspective in most issues in life, which wouldn't be possible if we always agreed with one another. This can only have a positive outcome if both parties are open-minded though.

It's all about Deal-Breakers...there are fundmental things we agree on and then theres the rest that we don't always agree on..

If a relationship was just about compromise and nothing more then that wouldn't be much to build on really. But mostly it is about the added benefits and enjoyments of being together. Sometimes dh is a pain, and sometimes I am. We have had some very very tough times (including being separated for a couple of years) and from an external view I am sure that friends and family have wondered why on earth I thought it was worth working things through. But when things are good they are great, and the things that dh does for me on the whole are more important than the compromises I make for his life to be happy.

That said I did enjoy some of the freedoms I had when we were apart, but I didn't like the loneliness that came in between the fine times I had with my friends or with my children, and as a parent being in it together helps with the bad times and is great for remembering the great times.

I did find when I was single and when I was unhappy with dh I looked at couples way more. Both envying them when they looked happy and vindicating my own circumstances when they didn't. I think it is similar to when you have babies or are trying for them - suddenly the world is full of prams! Now I am not thinking about my relationship that much I don't really notice other people so.

olifin you said

hambler, you said:

'I think some people in relationships almost enjoy the low grade misery they provide because it is a repeat of how they grew up.'

I think it's very sad that you have that perception of others' relationships Some of us have been lucky enough to grow up surrounded by strong, happy marriages which inspire us to seek our own happy marriages.

yes I agree it is sad situation.
I did say SOME .

Nothing to do with my perception.

some people absolutley do repeat their parents 'low grade misery.
Some others repeat happy stuff but that is not the subject of this discussion