To insist DP gives up alcohol etc. when I am pregnant

[Chrysanthemum5]

Posting on behalf of a colleague as we've been having a big debate on this. Colleague (we'll call her A) and her DP (called E) have been together for a long time, and are hoping to start ttc soon. They have agreed that if / when she gets pregnant A will follow the guidelines e.g. give up alocohol, certain foods etc. Plus she will also cut back on her exercise regime. However, A thinks that to be fair E should also give up these things, including his sports.

So, is A being unreasonable in thinking E should give these things up to support her? Her view is that the baby is part of both of them so they should both follow the guidelines.

From my point of view, DH didn't give up alcohol etc. when I was pregnant, but I didn't really care because I felt he didn't get the good parts of being pregnant so why should he only get the bad bits.

Thoughts? We've had a fairly heated discussion about it so I said I'd post here to get opinions!

Donna

"well I think he is entitled to give his thoughts on A drinking in pg, it does affect his baby too - especially if he was a part of a jint decision."

So getting pregnant gives other people a say in what you eat and drink now?

Jesus.

So it's totally insane for her to ask him not to spend her entire pregnancy drunk and out playing sports, but it's OK for him to tell her what she can eat and drink because if she's up the duff she's no longer a person, just a walking incubator for his baby?

Skidoodle, deciding to have a baby together means that you are entitled to discuss and give your opinion on certain things yes - if you are doing this a s a joint venture!

It is not "other people" it is the babies father fgs!

Talk about a complete over-reaction and mis reading of the text, I am sensing isshoos

Sorry I didn't know it was possible to do pregnancy as a joint venture. When I've done it, it's always been something I've done myself, while my DH has been entirely unaffected.

If it's a joint venture, then how is it mad for both people to give stuff up?

Because only one of them is carrying the baby so the baby is only affected by what one of them does to their body.

Are you being deliberatly obtuse or are you trying for a fight?

lol this thread has made me chuckle

if they are like this before they even conceive i think they are going to take PFB to a whole new level!!!!

although that said I think they seriously have some 'issues' about each others lifestyles/personalities which should really be addressed before they even think about having a baby together

op, Chrysanth, please come back and let us know how they get on in the first few months.
We could all do with a giggle. Lets all pray they get the perfect child, or else they'll be screwed.
Actually, he might find that not much screwing goes on
They are both in for a big shock. Ha ha.

Oblomov
To be fair to A she is very supportive of her nieces and nephews so I hope she will be a good parent. Although possibly a bit uptight about what toys they play with!

Seriously, I think if / when they do start a family I think the reality of life will change them.

I had no idea that there were women in 2009 who accepted the notion that the fact they could get pregnant meant other people should have agency over their bodies and what they put in them.

People sit down with their partners to discuss what they will eat and drink when/if they are pregnant? For real?

Honestly, that is way more frightening and control freaky than a woman with an irresponsible husband trying to get him to act like a grown up before their baby arrives.

Ishooos

Yes, I have issues with so many women laying into a woman as being a controlling harpie for expecting some kind of parity of respect in her relationship.

We have a woman whose husband thinks he should get a say in what she can eat and drink but that he should not have to change his life or socialising habits one bit, even after the baby is born.

He's the controlling one here.

Everyone thinks it will be so funny when they have a small baby and how shocked he'll be, but what is far more likely is that he'll still be doing whatever the fuck he likes while this woman does all the work involved in having a baby. It's textbook on Mumsnet - desperate, tired women with no support looking for help while their husband treats them like a unpaid skivvy now that he's got them over the barrel of having children.

agree with doodle. People actually do this ? Really ?
Oh well, thats where me and dh have been going wrong all these years then

Lol, the thing you are forgetting skidoodle is that only one of them is pg. Your attitude if very odd - well, no, not the attitude as such, your opinion is fair enough - not one I hold but whatever, it is your anger and venom that is odd IMO. So what if other people do things differently to you, what is going on is not a crime against anyone, against freedom or anything else so why so much spit and vitriol?

Sorry, I meant to say "the thing you are forgetting skidoodle is that only one of them is pg but both of them are having a baby. (or will be - possibly, if they can agree the optimum conception position/time etc )

Yes, quite. Only one of them is pregnant.

So the argument appears to be that on the basis of biology men should be allowed certain powers over women.

Apparently this position is uncontroversial on a women's site.

That is truly frightening to me.

When women accept that men should "get a say" in what happens to a woman who is pregnant by them, then in a democracy, all women of childbearing age should be fearful.

How should this "say" be enforced if the women (like me) decides she is not going to follow any of the guidelines because she thinks they are a load of old shite?

Luckily me DH has no desire to control me and doesn't think that my being pregnant means he should get a special pass on treating me with the same respect any other human being should get.

Skidoodle, the only thing that has been said is that the parents of the baby are quite within their rights to have a conversation and come to a desicion together about things that may affect their baby, no coercion, no dictating just working together and discussing like grown ups.

There is no master plan to enslave women at work here and you are behaving in a remarkably childish manner considering the things that have been said here. Like I said, a remarakable amount of spit and vitriol about a couple discussing whether or not they want mum to drink alcohol during pg. Seriously, where is the fire?

without reading any of the posts except OP, yup she is being unreasonable.

hopefully it won't be too long or too traumatic before they both find out the = does not mean identical.

She sounds like a dragon, and she doesn't even yet have any pregnancy hormones to blame. I don't envy him being married to her. [scarpers before getting a pummelling]

"So the argument appears to be that on the basis of biology men should be allowed certain powers over women.

Apparently this position is uncontroversial on a women's site"

well skidoodle, the opposite seems to be accepted on here when a woman falls pregnant and the man doesn't want a child. in that case a woman has power over a man by virtue of biology,ultimately she decides wether or not to have the child, not him.

Depends entirely on the context. If it's a happy couple chatting reasonably and discussing what the guidelines say, fair enough. If it's the bloke issuing orders about what the woman will do, that's not on. And saying 'right, then you have to do XYZ as well' might be her standing up for herself. Or they both might be the sort of people who indulge in tit for tat arguments, in which case they probably deserve each other...

I think it is fine for a man to ask his pregnant partner not to knock back half a bottle of whisky, just as she can say, please don't breathe smoke all over me because I'm pregnant. Telling a man to give up sport just because she's pregnant is stupid.