To insist DP gives up alcohol etc. when I am pregnant

[Chrysanthemum5]

Posting on behalf of a colleague as we've been having a big debate on this. Colleague (we'll call her A) and her DP (called E) have been together for a long time, and are hoping to start ttc soon. They have agreed that if / when she gets pregnant A will follow the guidelines e.g. give up alocohol, certain foods etc. Plus she will also cut back on her exercise regime. However, A thinks that to be fair E should also give up these things, including his sports.

So, is A being unreasonable in thinking E should give these things up to support her? Her view is that the baby is part of both of them so they should both follow the guidelines.

From my point of view, DH didn't give up alcohol etc. when I was pregnant, but I didn't really care because I felt he didn't get the good parts of being pregnant so why should he only get the bad bits.

Thoughts? We've had a fairly heated discussion about it so I said I'd post here to get opinions!

Donna

fucking idiot.

SIBU.

Fair enough to say that she'd rather he didn't have 'forbidden' food/drink in front of her if she is going to find it hard to give them up. But he shoulnd't have to stick to the pregnancy guidelines when he's at work or with other people.

It sounds like she'll be one of the very strict rule-followers too, complete prohibition rather than 'a small glass once a week won't hurt'.

Cutting down on his exercise is utter madness though. Doesn't she want him to be healthy?

nutta, she must be bloody crackers.

She sounds really mean and petty. "I'm suffering so you can't enjoy yourself either" seems to be her attitude. Why does being pregnant meaN you stop sports? If she does this he'll have a really positive attitude towards their future life together and her pregnancy. Mad, bitter woman.
Must admit though when I was pregnant my husband did cut down on alcohol and didn't rub it in. That would have been infuriating, and as I did the shopping the pates/ blue cheeses etc just weren't bought, but I wouldn't have stopped him eating them if he'd gone shopping.
Bet she's not planning on sharing her nice long maternity leave with him.

Mean and controlling.
I suspect he is going to need to drink to deal with her while she is pregnant.

What utter nonsense.

Bit fruit loop

psycho controlling nut job ... feel rather sorry for her dp!

she's an unreasonable twonk. my dp never gave up those things and i never expected him to. i'd be less surprised if she asked him to give up booze while ttc and up his zinc levels with certain foods. that would be more reasonable. i think she might get a shock when she reads this thread......

this reminds me of my 1970s copy of "What to Expect...". It says that Dads should give up drinking to support their pregnant wife and suggests he should say when offered a drink

"No thank-you, we're expecting a baby"

Luckily for my dh I pmsl. He considers one of the main benefits of my pregnancies is that I will always drive.

Only read OP.

What an unreasonable farking cow!

Doormat in the making if he takes any notice imo. Fine not to be getting pissed out of his skull, but giving up sports etc? where the hell's the logic in that?

No need for him to quit all of these things. As long as he doesn't go out till 7am and get blinding drunk I see no issue. Do feel that it's important to give up smoking/smoke outside though for mum and babys' health. When she has given birth he can help with night feeds and look after her when she is knackered to make up for it if that's the issue. I find A's attitude a bit weird TBH

I think he ought to have 2nd thought before he has a child with her-she will only get worse!

So if he has to give up all these thing and pretend to be pg, is she going to rub his feet and excuse him from emptying the cat litter tray as well?

Its hardly fair that he gets the downside without getting the perks too.

Somehow I cant see that as part of her plan though.

Mind you I am right off at the other end of the scale. If my OH ever talked about 'us' getting or being pg i think I would stick a melon up his arse.

I think they both sound pretty unreasonable and bossy.

It sounds like she's making some kind of promise to this guy to give up all sorts of things before she evev knows how she'll be feeling.

If it's his business what she does with her body, then it's no massive leap to her getting a say in what he does.

Really they should both chill the fuck out with the guidelines have fun shagging until she feels too sick to eat anything but chips.

This is why the life stage referred to in some circles as ttc can be so destrctive to people's happiness.

that sounds so controlling and unreasonable.

My DH doesn't drink so it wasn't an issue for us, but surely after all the uncomfortable and painful things about being preg and giving birth / stitches / BF and all it is NOT unreasonable to have one's DH be the designated driver for at least a year afterwards?

Why is that so wrong?

She is Being very unreasonable and a bit bomkers.

My DH only drinks maybe two or three times a year himself, at a max 3 pints at a time.

But I wouldn't dream of policing what he ate/drank/did just because I was pregnant.

I mean, he can't get pregnant. He's a man. I'm not. That's how it is.

If you can't deal, well, maybe don't get pregnant then.

Does nobody else think it is at all weird for them to have an agreement about her behaviour when/if she gets pregnant?

Why is it ok for him to get a say in what she eats and how much exercise she does?

It's kind of terrifying how quick many women are to comment on how other women are hysterical, bossy, unreasonable, insert other female negative stereotype here.

Why should they both decide what she will do while he can do whatever he wants?

It's like every second thread on Relationships - man should please self, woman should please man

unreasonable, she's having the baby, not him. if he was a total pisshead and needed a push to curtail his drinking before embarking on fatherhood, then fair enough, but if not, there's no reason for him to give up things like drinking, brie etc. i have known a bloke who gave up while his wife was pregnant as his own choice, which i thought was really sweet, but it shouldn't be forced on him.

I'm confused - are they both planning to do this when ttc so as to give sproglet the best chances? Which is obsessional, but sweet. Or are they talking about after conception? And if so, did this notion come from him (as in, she has to do all this, and he will as well) or her (she has to suffer, so why can't he)? And is their social life centred around drinking, because if so she'll be very bored in pregnancy unless they make some adjustments, to be fair.

The reasonableness of it is dependent on which of them is promoting it, and why, IMO. But on the face of it - she's the one who will be up the duff, not him, so why on earth does it matter what he eats/drinks?

Well I'm up the duff and I don't think there's any reason for me to give up brie or drinking.

I don't give a monkeys what my DH eats or drinks, but when I'm pregnant he tends to drink less than he would if I were sharing a bottle of wine with him an odd night.

If he thought it was his business to have opinions on what I could eat or drink I might find myself more interested in his choices, and more irritated by them if he was trying to enforce guidelines on me rather than letting me use my own brain and body to guide my own choices.