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AIBU?

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Original poster

To insist DP gives up alcohol etc. when I am pregnant

201 replies

Chrysanthemum5 · 22/07/2009 15:39

Posting on behalf of a colleague as we've been having a big debate on this. Colleague (we'll call her A) and her DP (called E) have been together for a long time, and are hoping to start ttc soon. They have agreed that if / when she gets pregnant A will follow the guidelines e.g. give up alocohol, certain foods etc. Plus she will also cut back on her exercise regime. However, A thinks that to be fair E should also give up these things, including his sports.

So, is A being unreasonable in thinking E should give these things up to support her? Her view is that the baby is part of both of them so they should both follow the guidelines.

From my point of view, DH didn't give up alcohol etc. when I was pregnant, but I didn't really care because I felt he didn't get the good parts of being pregnant so why should he only get the bad bits.

Thoughts? We've had a fairly heated discussion about it so I said I'd post here to get opinions!

Donna

OP posts:
MovingOutOfBlighty · 22/07/2009 15:52

What a controlling arse.

If I were him I would have an enormous G&T every night infront of her just to stick two fingers up at her bizarre ways.

KingCanuteIAm · 22/07/2009 15:54

Very, very strange - and controlling. I would be heading for the hills if I were him!

ThingOne · 22/07/2009 15:54

She sounds as mad as a box of frogs.

Gateau · 22/07/2009 15:55

And what a walkover he must be to agree with these "guidelines."

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/07/2009 15:55

She sounds like a loon.

ArcticLemming · 22/07/2009 15:57

I suppose it depends how it's done. If they both currently drink too much and spend a huge ammount of time doing sport with friends rather than each other it may be an opportunity for them both to review their behaviour. If she's not letting him have the occassional glass of merlot with a meal it seems extremely controlling.

Scorps · 22/07/2009 15:57

I have asked DH to stop smoking, only because we like to co-sleep and you shouldn't do it if you are smokers. Other than that, up to him!

Pruneurs · 22/07/2009 15:58

I think A is headed for a MASSIVE MASSIVE shock when that baby is born and needs to address this need to control NOW before she actually has the baby and risks PND.

I doubt she wants to hear that though.

Thunderduck · 22/07/2009 15:59

She's an extremely unreasonable loon.

Original poster
Chrysanthemum5 · 22/07/2009 16:00

Hi
To be fair to my colleague, she is basing this on discussions with the rest of the team where other mums have told her she'll have to give up her exercising, alcohol etc. so I think she's just been put off a bit!

Plus I didn't ask DH to give up alcohol etc. but he didn't sit in front of me eating all the things the midwives said I 'couldn't' have so I guess he did change his habits while I was pregnant. The difference is that A is being more upfront, and actually asking her DP to give up things.

Donna

OP posts:
Sidge · 22/07/2009 16:01

How bizarre.

As twee as she thinks it would be to both be pregnant, he won't be and to expect him to behave as if he were pregnant is just weird.

I think it's reasonable to expect the dad-to-be not to go out and get drunk in the couple of weeks before her due date, but to abstain for the whole pregnancy is daft. And to exercise is healthy, why on earth would either of them have to stop exercising?

In the nicest possible way - she's bonkers.

lynniep · 22/07/2009 16:02

Of course she's being unreasonable. No question about it.

Fair enough he might have needed to cut down on the boozing when they were tcc, but as long as he's not out partying every night what on earth is the problem. Why deprive both parties?!!

mosschops30 · 22/07/2009 16:04

She is being totally unreasonable.

Maybe E should run now whilst he still has chance, and by that I mean run the fuck away from her

BintOfBohemia · 22/07/2009 16:05

I asked my DH not to get hammered around the time I might need him to inflate the birth pool, but I never wanted him to stop entirely. I used to drive if we went out so he could drink; made sense for one of us to enjoy ourselves!

SetSquare · 22/07/2009 16:05

NO
dont give up booze

KingCanuteIAm · 22/07/2009 16:06

No, the difference is that your dh diud it because he wanted to and felt it was right - although I am sure you may have pointed out one or two things along the way

A, on the other hand, is telling her dh what he will have to do, that he will have to do things regardless of wether he needs to, simply because she will need to. It is silly. A bit like saying he cannot go swimming when she has her period just because she doesn't like to. Wrong, wrong, wrong!

Stigaloid · 22/07/2009 16:06

Totally unreasonable. And controlling. And a little bunny boiler'ish.

MmeLindt · 22/07/2009 16:07

Ok, she should be thinking about her alcohol consumption and perhaps cutting back a bit on sports if she exercises excessively. And if he goes out and gets ratarsed every weekend then obviously that would cause problems in the relationship.

To stop exercising altogether is unneccessary. Expecting him to do the same is completely ridiculous.

drlove8 · 22/07/2009 16:12

chrysanthemum5 ... ive reported your post because you put your Rl name on it! , it may get deleted. you dont want the bunny boilers after you -

KnickKnack · 22/07/2009 16:13

She is being so bizarrely unreasonable. Quite bonkers.

Its quite a good idea for him to give up alcohol for the last 2 or 3 weeks, as he may have to drive to hospital at a moments notice.

Original poster
Chrysanthemum5 · 22/07/2009 16:13

KingCanuteIAm
True, I may have gently pointed a few things out to DH!
Donna

OP posts:
Dizzyclarebear · 22/07/2009 16:19

wow - if I was you, I'd be removing all sharp objects from near 'A' - this woman is a loon!!!!

I'm pg - would never dream of telling DH to give up drinking (on Saturday he claimed to be 'drinking for both of us' ). Our fridge contains blue cheese, peanut butter and beer, all for him.

Why should we both suffer? At least there's a point to me being not having those foods, what's the point to him not having them?

Also, telling him to give up sports - talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face, does she want a fat DP?!? (and he will, every man I know who's given up sports has ballooned - and they don't have the same social pressure to diet as us ladies)

suwoo · 22/07/2009 16:26

My DH is a big drinker, and I am just deliberating when I am going to suggest he only has 2 cans a night. I am 37 weeks so maybe after this weekend- just in case.

4paws · 22/07/2009 16:28

Ha ha! Good luck! My DP positively relishes in stuffing his face with peanut butter and brie. I'd swear he develops a liking for shellfish and obviously doesn't go without his beer. It is very annoying .

On the plus side he does abstain from more than 1 beer as it gets close to the due date.

Unfortunately pregnancy and birth is all one sided and there's stuff all anyone can do about it. If she wants a baby then thats what she has to deal with.

But he's going to need those sports. He needs to be in peak condition for all that heavy lifting, staying awake through labour and those hours and hours of bouncing and rocking a niggly baby ...

OrmIrian · 22/07/2009 16:30

She is being a bit of a pregzilla (that one a goer ? . Not to mention dog in the manger. The world does not stop because you are up the duff. Fair enough for him to moderate his lifestyle slightly to accomodate the pregnancy.

"Plus she will also cut back on her exercise regime" Why? That's daft unless she at risk of miscarriage or she has specifically been told to do so.

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