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AIBU?

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Original poster

To insist DP gives up alcohol etc. when I am pregnant

201 replies

Chrysanthemum5 · 22/07/2009 15:39

Posting on behalf of a colleague as we've been having a big debate on this. Colleague (we'll call her A) and her DP (called E) have been together for a long time, and are hoping to start ttc soon. They have agreed that if / when she gets pregnant A will follow the guidelines e.g. give up alocohol, certain foods etc. Plus she will also cut back on her exercise regime. However, A thinks that to be fair E should also give up these things, including his sports.

So, is A being unreasonable in thinking E should give these things up to support her? Her view is that the baby is part of both of them so they should both follow the guidelines.

From my point of view, DH didn't give up alcohol etc. when I was pregnant, but I didn't really care because I felt he didn't get the good parts of being pregnant so why should he only get the bad bits.

Thoughts? We've had a fairly heated discussion about it so I said I'd post here to get opinions!

Donna

OP posts:
junglist1 · 23/07/2009 11:07

It's controlling and arsey.

Stayingsunnygirl · 23/07/2009 11:21

Asking someone not to wave foods you're not allowed under your nose - reasonable.

Asking someone to stay sober round the due date - reasonable.

Expecting your dp/dh to give up the things you have to give up - so far past unreasonable as to be utterly and totally bonkers!!

To put this in perspective, my husband doesn't drink at all because he has a problem with alchohol. He is happy for me to drink and to have alchohol in the house. He'll buy me wine, if I want it. He wouldn't dream of saying that his choice should make the whole house go 'dry' - and remember, his decision is a life-long one, not just 9 months!!

skidoodle · 23/07/2009 11:31

But "they have agreed" about what she will do - why shouldn't they agree what he will do as well?

Do you really think he should get a say in what she eats and drinks?

How is she being any more controlling than him? She's just asking for the same kind of agreement they have about her.

TheFallenMadonna · 23/07/2009 11:37

You may have a point skidoodle. I remember at my ante natal classes there was a very forthright man who, after we had weighed up the pros and cons of different types of pain relief, gave us a run-down of "they" would be using in labour (we defiinitely won't be having an epidural, we may want to consider entenox). Without consulting his wife at all

Mumcentreplus · 23/07/2009 11:44

she should give up alcohol! she's probably a gym bunny thats there's exercise in the picture and some foods are questionable during pregnancy...but tbh..why the heck should he have a suffer too?...the only way to make him suffer is to become pregnant..then he will have to bow to her every whim..thats what the agreement should be 'Ok darling you can eat soft-boiled eggs drenched in whisky, but when I want Artic Roll smeared in piccalilli and we have run out you will have to walk the streets of where ever till you bring some back for me! you will rub my feet without arguement...you will change your aftershave when requested etc etc '.. ...

pasturesnew · 23/07/2009 11:48

It is unreasonable in pregnancy but can't see if it's already been said here, would be sensible for them both to give up or at least reduce alcohol when TTC (and to eat sensibly and to exercise and to not smoke), esp. if they think there may be any issue in TTC.

skidoodle · 23/07/2009 11:49

Why should she give up alcohol? Plenty of women don't. It's their choice.

I had a glass of wine the other evening and if DH thought he got a say in that choice I'd think he was a bossy prick.

skidoodle · 23/07/2009 11:51

No wonder people go so mental when they're officially "TTC" if they give up drinking and starting eating a special "healthy" diet.

minxofmancunia · 23/07/2009 11:52

A bit over the top TBH, although my first pg with dd dh was an a**e. got legless every weekend, expected me to ferry him and his drunken mates around and sit in smoky pubs putting up with all their nonsense.

If I refused to go I ended up sat at home alone, night after night. Nearly split over his behaviour when pg tbh. This pg (am 32 weeks) he still has a drink, a couple of cans here and there, a few pints once a week after badminton but apart from his birthday hasn't got absolutely legless. He's being a LOT more sensitive about it, he knows I miss socilaising and for me that involves a few glasses of wine soooooo much, I find it torturous so he doens't rub my face in it.

As for exercise thou, I want him to do it! Puts him in a better mood and gives him a lot of energy to do jobs around the house! Also makes him look good! Would never stop him, and don't care at all what he eats ( I eat pastuerised brie anyway whilst pg), we're a pretty healthy family re diet. generally.

You can adapt these things rather than going for full on abstinence, anyway I'm owed lots of lifts/nights out after the birth now!

minxofmancunia · 23/07/2009 11:55

can someone enlighten me about "the good bits of being pregnant"???

Don't mind admitting, I hate it, only have one friend who "enjoyed" it. It's rubbish.

minxofmancunia · 23/07/2009 11:56

can someone enlighten me about "the good bits of being pregnant"???

Don't mind admitting, I hate it, only have one friend who "enjoyed" it. It's rubbish.

Trashbat · 23/07/2009 11:57

I can sort of understand the giving up alcohol a little bit (well, cutting down anyway) as it supposedly helps sperm mobility etc, but the idea of A thinking her E should give up his sports is insane and controlling. She wants him to do something that will make him less healthy?! Giving up exercise just because she isn't going to do so much is punitive, whereas there is an actual benefit to boozelessness. She is bananas.

Mumcentreplus · 23/07/2009 12:03

I just liked the control of pregnancy.. and the fact i was growing a baby...otherwise pregnancy was PANTS I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum for my whole pregnancy I only stopped throwing up when I actually gave birth!!..my sister loved being pregnant till she her last 2 they were both hellish

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 23/07/2009 12:04

She's a control freak. But to be honest I thin kthey're both a bit bonkers "they have agreed that.....". I don't ever rememeber discussing such things with my DH. I read the info and decided myself what I was and wasn't going to do.

skidoodle · 23/07/2009 12:05

minx yes, I was wondering that as well

Isn't the advice that you can continue exercising as long as you feel able for it but just not to take up new sports?

I don't understand why either has to give up exercising?

Well unless she feels as shite as I do in the first trimester, in which case the gym will be the last place she's interested in going.

foofi · 23/07/2009 12:06

I clicked on this thread thinking 'What an EXCELLENT idea' only to find that people were up in arms about it! Hey ho.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 23/07/2009 12:10

If she feels that she needs that level of support I'd wonder if she had a problem with alcohol to be honest.

GetOrfMoiLand · 23/07/2009 12:22

Christ, she's a nutter.

Plus, I know I was last pregnant light years ago, but what's all this about not being allowed blue cheese and pate? Sod that, what doe you think French women do.

2rebecca · 23/07/2009 12:25

The blue cheese, unpasteurised cheese, raw eggs eg mayonnaise and pate restrictions are to reduce the chance of catching Listeria, which is rare but can cause miscarriages. It's something pregnant women are advised not to do just like they are advised not to touch cat litter trays in case they get toxoplasmosis. Most pregnant.women go along with these restrictions. I ate peanut butter and had the odd alcoholic drink.

BalloonSlayer · 23/07/2009 12:26

She's not Cheryl Cole is she?

She's the only woman I can think of who seems to be making a big thing about all the things that are going to happen during her pregnancy, but without actually being pregnant.

Not that I read Heat or Closer or anything, Ohhhh no, >

skidoodle · 23/07/2009 12:37

The pate advice is about Vitamin A, as there is a lot of it in liver and too much can be harmful.

Do most women really go along with the Listeria-avoidance advice? I've found that doctors and midwives tend to admit it's a bit silly if you question them about it.

BalloonSlayer LOL

I think some people get a real buzz out of their special pregnancy diet and not being able to eat things.

BalloonSlayer · 23/07/2009 12:41

"I think some people get a real buzz out of their special pregnancy diet and not being able to eat things."

Nutters!

I am still BF Ds2 who is nearly 2. When he stops I shall have a Wild Korma Orgy. Not as interesting as it sounds - I can't have nuts as I gave DS1 allergies to almonds and cashews because of the curries I ate while PG and BF (I'd checked and was told it was only peanuts I had to avoid).

disneystar1 · 23/07/2009 12:42

i had our last baby last year we were ttc and it took 10 mths
i gave up smoking which was 10 a day my glass of wine on a sunday took extra iron and increased my fitness level,
my dh doesnt drink/smoke anyway but he supported me throughout
we took the new to be life of our baby very seriously
i think the woman should be a bit laid back more and relax a bit and its her body not her dh body thats going to change i dont think he should change hes not doing harmfull things is he?
but he has to be supportive yes.

MiniMarmite · 23/07/2009 13:16

Very unreasonable I think.

Knowing that DH would get to go out for beers or sport very little after baby I felt it fairer that at least one of us should have some fun! Besides he had to put up with my whinging about being a whale and rub my feet before I could go to sleep at night so only fair that he could do it slightly pissed!

Morloth · 23/07/2009 13:23

I rather enjoyed being pregnant, but I am pretty high maintenance in any case so really enjoyed all the extra special treatment DH provided.

All of the dietary stuff just seemed stupid to me so I ignored it. Lead a pretty healthy lifestyle in any case so it wasn't as though I really needed to worry about it.

LOL at the thought of DH thinking he had/has any say in what I eat/do whether I am pregnant or not.