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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Wonder what this woman is thinking??

225 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 22/07/2009 08:32

right before i go any further please read this bit first.
I do NOT have a problem with mix race relationships but i do think this WOMAN takes it to the limit.

she has

dd1 white english
ds1 white irish
dd2 white irish
dd3 white irish
dd4 half turkish
dd5 half indian
ds2 half indian
dd6 white english
ds3 half somalian

is now pg again has 5 grand children all of which are living in her home. she has never worked and always seems to find non working husbands/partners. They have 2 houses knocked into one, and its all paid for by council!

sorry just having a moan

OP posts:
you · 22/07/2009 16:47

'I absolutely agree with you that i don't think that other cultures should be diluted within the British culture'

Well you can fuck right off.

MrsMattie · 22/07/2009 16:52

What is all this talk of 'diluting cultures'? Appalling.

My parents are Irish, DH's are from the Caribbean. We were both born and bred in London, as are our mixed race children. We are as British as anyone else with a British passport.

Which culture are we diluting? Who are we harming? And if we broke up and I had kids with another man who was Asian/White/Purple with green spots....what wrong would I be doing?

We're not confused. My kids aren't confused. This whole 'mixed race people are confused' thing is so 1970s! if you're not happy with mixed race marriages, spit it out FFS. But don't hide it under piss poor excuses.

If what you're really unhappy with is a woman having kids with multiple partners, say it. The jury is out for me on that. I take each case as it comes. If you're popping out kid after kid from brief, crappy relationship after relationship - probably not the most stable environment for the children. But plenty of people have kids from two or three relationships in the 20-30 years or so that they are fertile, and I refuse to condemn them.

Morloth · 22/07/2009 16:54

Culture is all made up in any case, so just make up a new one that fits your family and location.

FfreckleFface · 22/07/2009 16:56

YABU.

Why post this today? Presumably you've known this woman for a while...is it just the latest pregnancy that has prompted you to judge her publically?

It's a Daily Hate post, and I'm sorry I opened the thread. Your attitude is pretty appalling.

Lovesdogsandcats · 22/07/2009 17:08

Why you all assuming the OP is rascist as that is not my immediate thought.

How this LOOKS to the world at large, is how it IS...this woman has many kids, to, quite plainly, many different men.

Now if all the kids were white, one may assume they have the same father, or not. As this is not the case, every person seeing them out together will jump to the conclusion that' god how many blokes has she had in and out of her and her kids lives'.

So, rascist it is not. It is making the observation that this family are already going to have assumptions made based on appearance alone. Thats before getting to the fact of her chucking kids out to a life on benefits.

Its the kids I feel sorry for.

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 22/07/2009 17:08

OMG I AM SO SORRY for this comment

"'I absolutely agree with you that i don't think that other cultures should be diluted within the British culture'"

I am such a twat, having just read yous post, i can see that i have written totally the wrong thing - what i meant to say was that i think we should be embracing cultures and celebrating them within the british community, but what i have written has come out so so so wrong

Diluting was just sooo the wrong choice of word, i meant that people who either come here, or are born here with different racial heritage should feel free to celebrate it.

Oh fuckity fuckity fuck, now everyone will think im a big fat racist!

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 22/07/2009 17:11

And anyway - i think we should all shut up, because i watch a program that said we all descended from Africa anyway so there

Ive always wanted to say that!

you · 22/07/2009 17:21

Oh I see what you mean now. All is forgiven you big fat racist

That's the first time I've ever told someone to fuck off on a thread though. You should be proud

PrincessToadstool · 22/07/2009 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMattie · 22/07/2009 17:25

I don't think you're racist@ imaynotbeperfect.

I didn't understand what you said, sorry.

I am more annoyed with the OP's post, tbh. I remember in the 80s, when I was growing up, lots of white girls who had kids with black men were thought of as 'slags' and it really winds me up. I think it still exists to some extent and it is based on racist assumptions.

have kids with multiple white men - OK. Have kids with multiple men of many races - not OK. Why?

junglist1 · 22/07/2009 17:28

My grandad always said enough of your so called friends will let you down in life without you dismissing people based on colour. That's the truest thing I ever heard.

junglist1 · 22/07/2009 17:30

Not you as in the mumsnetter called you on this thread, obviously. He never knew you, you.

maggievirgo · 22/07/2009 17:38

MrsMattie, ulrike jonsson gets it in the neck too. and, although i'm no fan of hers, I hate that. She cares for all her children and supports them all. Loads of men have children with one wife and move on. Look at Rod Stewart. He hasn't had HALF the snide comments made about him in the media that Ulrike has had.

And yes, another point somebody makes, if your marriage or partnership breaks up, should you not have anymore children!? except with somebody of the same race as the last partner?!!?! so that the children all look nicely homogenous!!

MrsMattie · 22/07/2009 18:03

I agree@maggievirgo. The furore about Ulrike is just plain old misogyny.

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 22/07/2009 18:10

Thanks you I am not sure but i think it may well be the first time i have been directly told to fuck right off [feelingsuitablyproud]

Glad you understood my apology, i have ways of talking myself into some terrible holes. I now know how father ted felt

ingles2 · 22/07/2009 18:19

Wow TLE am really surprised to see this is your OP....
Taking into account your thread the other day outlining some problems you're having It does make me wonder who are you to judge?
Nobody knows the full background story in other peoples lives. Surely you know that?

FfreckleFface · 22/07/2009 18:30

publicly not publically, obviously. This is why I shouldn't Mumsnet at teatime.

saggyjuju · 22/07/2009 18:37

woa mamma,am hastily stepping away from my laptop!!

llareggub · 22/07/2009 18:45

When I read OPs like this I do wonder why it is that mumsnet has a reputation for having an educated community.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 22/07/2009 18:52

Ingles, I have said I am more concerned about the children, I have heard the hurtful things said, seen the sprayed comments, etc. This woman struggles to take care of the 9 children she has yet still wants more. Ok the eldest girl although mum to 2 children is working.
It is not that I am judging her. I do think she has gone ott she has made comments in the past about always having "wanted a black baby" she is 39 years old fgs time to grow up and stop popping babies out every 2 years or so.

I actually only posted this today as I have not seen her for a while having moved away from the area she lives but bumping into her by chance yesterday. Which is when I was told she had the last 3 children and another on the way. I did say "don't you think enough is enough now?" And her reply was "well you never know who or what is round the corner"

Anyway I have literally just got in so am off for a coffee now but wil be back in a while.

OP posts:
Morloth · 22/07/2009 18:53

llareggub "When I read OPs like this I do wonder why it is that mumsnet has a reputation for having an educated community. "

Why? Did you miss pretty much all of the responses telling the OP she was being unreasonable?

Rindercella · 22/07/2009 19:15

Oh my TLE, you have managed to offend me even further with your last post. My goodness - a 39 year old woman having babies??? Christ alone knows where I would be held in your estimation - mixed race marriage, 39 years old and desperately TTC DC2. Am very and [shocked] with you

PrincessToadstool · 22/07/2009 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 22/07/2009 19:26

STOP DIGGING WOMAN YOU ARE MAKING IT WORSE!!!!

Rindercella · 22/07/2009 19:30

Actually, the more I think about it, the more depressing and sad I find this thread. Regardless of how many children this woman has got, and by however many fathers, obviously there are still people who believe that there is something wrong with mixed race children, with integrating cultures, with women having babies in their late 30s. People who believe it is wrong to dilute British culture. What fecking British culture?

I was always fairly certain that I (a white, middle class English woman) would be judged by my husband (a black middle class English man). Now I am fecking certain of it. So thanks for that TheLadyEvenstar. Thank you very much [angry}