To think the fact my husband won't let me have another baby is a dealbreaker

[verysadtoday]

Name change here - had to.

I am nearing "cut off" point. I have 2 lovely young children who, as most kids are, are a bit of a handful. My youngest has just gone 2.5. I am desperate for another. My DH just says no he does not want anymore. I have tried all tactics..begging, pleading etc everything. There is no budging him.

We don't get on brilliantly. I don't think he understands and/or cares how sad this is making me despite me telling him repeatedly. I think this sums up how much he cares (or rather doesn't) about me. I have people having babies all round me - he even tells me about his friends who have had babies and how they are getting on - and it kills me. This is really making me feel animosity towards him.

What if we break up soon/next 5 years and then my chance has gone? He could have another child with someone else but I could n't. I really don't think he is being fair and I don't know what to do but this is really making me very very sad and depressed. I am even crying as I type. I feel like a really key part of me is being denied.

Forgive me if this sounds harsh, but nowhere in your posts do I get a sense that you have thought about the effect of having another child on your other two children, in fact in your last post you talked about what the children do for you - how it makes you happy when they cuddle up. Do you want a child, or a baby - because your youngest is now less dependent?

this must be so hard for you. i cant advise on what to do. but i am sure you know that your dh cant agree to another dc just because you so desperately want another if he knows that he def does not. before i got married we went to marriage prep classes. the guy who ran it said that he had agreed to a third dc as his wife was so very keen on one but it was a huge mistake and she agreed afterwards- he was so miserable. if you love your dh and your existing dcs then put them ahead of this desire for another dc and put your all into loving them. you have a duty to consider your dh's feelings as well as he has to consider yours.

If your husband did "give in"on this just to placate you, there is a huge chance of resentment. I think he is being quite fair - he is telling it how it is for him. It's not fair that you think he should only see this from your point of view.

Re-reading, I see that TummyTuck has covered what I wanted to say

the OP has not posted in two years! Yet people are still answering!

OH DEAR - Really old thread. Wonder what happened ?

Verysad, you are soooo NBU. I really feel for you and can imagine the ache you must feel.

Please, try to ignore some of the insensitive, cruel and spiteful remarks on here - there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you are feeling at all. Some mumnet posters just like to be mean - pay no mind and take what you can from the kinder more positive remarks on here.

I have no advice really other than to say, if you really can't work this out with DH, just think about your two beautiful wonderful children and focus on them - you are already so blessed and lucky. But you should NOT feel ashamed of your yearning for another baby, it is also very natural and normal and don't let anyone make you feel selfish for it.

I hope you work things out. Stay strong and count your blessings;your children who love you, your health, your lovely home, and a marriage you need to work on, but I'm sure you will get there - you want to make it work. Maybe once that is fixed, the baby will follow.xxx

oh yes - really old!

Posting 'what happened then' on a really really old thread is unlikely to make the OP come back - we don't have email alerts or anything like that.

I agree with you, it IS a dealbreaker. Neither of you can get what you want and you can't compromise. You already have two children so I suppose it's up to you to decide whether you will accept your 'lot' and be content or whether you want to strike out again and have a child with someone else.

Whatever you do, please don't 'trick' your husband into another child. It's an absolutely rotten thing to do and your child could be resented.

Gah... old thread. Why do I never check dates?

Grrr just read the whole fucking thread before realising it's 18 months old.

Come on back then OP, and tell us how things panned out.

guys I am so sorry I tstarted this re-thread today. I'm fairly new to all of this chat room stuff and came on when really upset ... typed in a search which matched my problem and this thread came up. I was hoping to hear a happy endng of some sort so posted. I guess that was not the right thing to do as loads of people have commented and its all my fault.

Is there any way OP can be contacted without me having caused all of this trouble?

Don't worry. No harm done (except 30 mins of my life )

You could try PMing her (click on Message Poster beside her name). But it looks like she name-changed for this thread, so it's unlikely it would work.

Also, not sure it would be that welcome. Anyone else have a view on the etiquette?

You're obviously missing something else from your life, and projecting your needs onto this 'Miracle baby from the future' that will 'make everything ok again'.

You can't miss a child that doesn't exist, and, quite objectively, Planet Earth has no real need for. I'm worried that you just want a gurgling distraction from the inadequacies of your life.

I hope you find what you're really looking for. It's not a baby, trust me.

Waargh, just posted on a zimbie thread... unclean! unclean!

*Zombie.

See, it's got my brains already.

at InPraiseOfBacchus

Aw don't worry mykidseyessparkle you weren't to know. I don't really mind having read the whole thread - it was interesting, that's why I did so.

Sorry to hear you're having a similar problem to the OP. Did reading this thread help?