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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lie knowingly and deliberately to get my own way?

231 replies

HorsechestnutBlossom · 17/07/2009 03:12

I had booked in a homebirth for months only to be told on the day there isn't a midwife available so you'll have to come in!

As an experienced homebirther (3 previously!) I was not going to be fobbed off so I told them the contractions were coming every minute! (lies lies lies)

I told them I could not come in and see you soon!

Heard them muttering to each other on the phone in the background she's too far gone we need to get a midwife to her she refuses to come in, then I did some extra yelp-in-labour for good measure and hung up.

A midwife rang me 2 minutes later saying I'm on my way.

And so I got the homebirth I wanted.

OP posts:
posieparkerinChina · 17/07/2009 03:17

MMM... not sure whether taking resources that weren't really available is such a victory.

poopscoop · 17/07/2009 03:18

Congratulations firstly. When was this>

YANBU i dont think anyway because you have had 3 already at home so should not have been an issue.

chefswife · 17/07/2009 03:22

Nice! Resources are there... they just don't want to use them.

Original poster
HorsechestnutBlossom · 17/07/2009 03:29

It was a few months ago now but I just posted on another site about op who was in last stage and wandered if it was too late to ask for a homebirth.

Then it dawned on me that maybe what I did was taking resources away, but then I was in labour , had planned a hb and why was I suddenly not a priority myself?

I think I got the humph about that, also I was 40 yrs old and the thought of going to hospital for no good reason (was not sick so would take precious resources away from someone who was) where I'd treated like a factory animal and not have a midwife all to myself made me tell a blatant lie.

I was actually in the first stage of contractions.

OP posts:
LoveBeingAMummy · 17/07/2009 06:31

So what about the woman that were already in hospital and then had to be looked after by one less midwife???

ILovePudding · 17/07/2009 06:36

YANBU.

My mum had planned to have me at home. When she went into labour her midwife would not come to her as she was having a dinner party (it was Easter). She therefore had me in hospital where she was attended to by students, who told her to push at the wrong time, she tore terribly, was sewn up badly and had terrible problems with the scar not healing for years afterwards.

This was 30 odd years ago, but it seems not a lot has changed. You were looking out for yourself, which is exactly what you should have been doing.

hester · 17/07/2009 06:36

I'm not going to blame you, OP, but I am astonished at chefswife's comment. You've never worked in maternity services, have you, chefswife? Or in healthcare?

Thought not.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 17/07/2009 06:36

And what happened when they got to you and saw you had lied?

Rachmumoftwo · 17/07/2009 06:45

But the resources obviously were there or they could have sent paramedics instead of a midwife, so it was all fine.

CarmenSanDiego · 17/07/2009 07:01

I don't really approve of lying, BUT...

The hospital administration are the ones being unreasonable. You have a right to a home birth, they need to send the people out. If the resources aren't there, they need to sort it out.

LuluMaman · 17/07/2009 07:19

if a woman books a home birth, then the trust have several months notice to ensure that the staff are available.

AIMS has some interesting information on this

if women do not insist on their right to a homebirht, then trusts cannot be compelled to employ more staff on the basis of a business case for more staff as more are required

the upset and trauma of having to stop labouring at home and go in is horrible

the lie is not right, but i can understand why it happened

ToutFucker · 17/07/2009 07:20

how did you pull the rest of it off ?

when the midwife got there, they can tell you know, if you are not as far along as you said

actually, YABU and very, very selfish

do you think the midwives said they weren't able to attend a hb, just 'cos they couldn't be bothered?

I hate this me,me,me attitude, I will get what I want and fuck the rest of 'em

Blackduck · 17/07/2009 07:24

But how do you know the resources WERE available and they just wouldn't send them out? How do you know that a midwife wasn't off sick, or there wasn't an emergancy that tied up a midwife who would otherwise have come out to you? (I ended up with two midwifes and a shedload of medical staff) You have no idea what the staffing/resourcing issues were and frankly I think you were unreasonable as someone pointed out that was one less midwife for those in hospital.....

FlamingoOfTheShineyCult · 17/07/2009 07:40

I never understand how people think that women who want/have homebirths do it just because it's something they fancy doing!

Statistically home births are safer for uncomplicated births. The more natural a birth can be (and I know that they sometimes cannot be natural!), the better the outcomes. Mothers are likely to need less intervention and their baby is more likely to need little or no intervention at birth.

You're much more likely to achieve a natural birth at home where you are likely to have fewer interventions during the birth.

Therefore, home births actually cost hospitals, in the medium-long term far less in terms of money and resources. It is shortsighted for hospitals to rely on the fact that women will just agree to come in when they have had a homebirth booked for months. The hospitals should be making provision for homebirths - hiring in bank midwives etc. - so that they will save themselves money and work in the medium-long term.

The more women put their foot down and demand a homebirth, the more the hospitals will learn that they have to do something about this.

OP - YANBU. I wouldn't have lied, I just would have refused to go in and told them why, though.

bumpsoon · 17/07/2009 08:23

Can anyone clarify if a homebirth is a right ? or just a choice ?
I think the OP might be a teeny tiny bit unreasonable lieing ,even though i support the reasons for doing so. Personally i would have been alot more honest and said that i had chosen a homebirth months before and their staffing issues were not of my doing ,as an experienced home birther i was doing fine in these early stages but would appreciate the support of a midwife as soon as one became available ,thankyou

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 17/07/2009 08:34

I believe that everyone has the right to a homebirth. YANBU OP - in labour it's every woman for herself.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 17/07/2009 08:35

Although I suppose if you hadn't actually lied and just waited til you were at an advanced stage you would have passed the morality requirements of the other posters on here.

MIAonline · 17/07/2009 08:38

YANBU, as said previously you had booked a home birth, if everyone who books one is told there are not enough resources and goes in to hospital, then there will never be enough resources.

Bathsheba · 17/07/2009 09:06

Well, where I am its a completely diffrent team of midwives who do homebirths as oppossed to hopsital births, and neve the twain will meet (the Community team do Home Births) - so hopefully a lie like that wouldn;t have reduced the hospital resources.

Can I assume that, as this was your 4th home birth, that you haven't had any birth complications? I hope your local PCT works the same way as mine and the women in hospital who WERE having complications weren't being left alone. Having been left alone in labour and only receiving attention when my husband collapsed and needed to be rushed to A&E, I coped with that by knowing the staff were very very stretched helping other women having problems. The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that I suffered could well have been worse if, rather than the staff being over stretched and working supremely hard, if I had known they were off doing home births, waiting on someone to progress because they had lied, where they hadn't actually been needed yet, if at all...

AppleandMosesMummy · 17/07/2009 09:06

Fair play to you, I wouldn't accept no for an answer either, it's awful they bully some women into hospital births they don't want.

ItsGrimUpNorth · 17/07/2009 09:09

Yes, it's a different team that do home births and community work to those MWs in hospital so it wasn't an unnecessary taking of resources.

YANBU. You're as entitled to a home birth as you are to a hospital birth. You'd booked in. So tough.

Congratulations on your new baby! Whadyahave?

ItsGrimUpNorth · 17/07/2009 09:12

It's really unfair to put blame on a labouring woman for lack of resources - she needs a midwife too. She doesn't know about the women in hospital who are in emergency situations. It's not her responsibility. It's the mws responsibility to sort it out. Sheesh. Start blaming the patients even if they're in labour. Great.

TrillianAstra · 17/07/2009 09:14

Can someone explain how booking a home birth means there will be a midwife available?

Even if no-one is off sick, do they just have an extra midwife booked to work for, say, 3 weeks before and 2 weeks after your due date? It's not as if you're booking a train, which is supposed to come "on time".

COngrats on your new baby btw!

PuppyMonkey · 17/07/2009 09:15

Did you get told off?

What if she'd examined you and confirmed that you actually had plenty of time left, so ordered you off to hospital?

SusieDerkins · 17/07/2009 09:17

I don't understand why you needed a midwife out so early - it's wasn't your first birth. Why not wait until your contractions were a minute apart?

Makes no sense to me....