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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lie knowingly and deliberately to get my own way?

231 replies

HorsechestnutBlossom · 17/07/2009 03:12

I had booked in a homebirth for months only to be told on the day there isn't a midwife available so you'll have to come in!

As an experienced homebirther (3 previously!) I was not going to be fobbed off so I told them the contractions were coming every minute! (lies lies lies)

I told them I could not come in and see you soon!

Heard them muttering to each other on the phone in the background she's too far gone we need to get a midwife to her she refuses to come in, then I did some extra yelp-in-labour for good measure and hung up.

A midwife rang me 2 minutes later saying I'm on my way.

And so I got the homebirth I wanted.

OP posts:
Original poster
HorsechestnutBlossom · 17/07/2009 12:56

Yes as an experienced birther I was in a better position than anyone else to assess my situation.

What a ridiculous post Noonki. I was pg ffs

OP posts:
LoveBeingAMummy · 17/07/2009 13:02

I'm not sure why you've posted this tbh

SoupDragon · 17/07/2009 13:04

"they said they didn't have the resources at the time"

If they didn't have the resources, where did the MW come from? Was she an emergency inflatable MW from the store cupboard?

LoveBeingAMummy · 17/07/2009 13:06

LOL @ soupdragon.....prbably had a break glass in emergency sign on her too

HerHonesty · 17/07/2009 13:07

lovebeingamummy agree with you there. very smug.

i felt totally unsupported when i had my first and breach baby. ended up having a c section because of our perceived risk of not having a midwife who could deal with breaches on duty. ended up having an elective c section. and then you read posts like this and it sort of pisses me off... tis quite conceivable that someone in your local hospital was forced into this situation - e.g a very unsupported birth because you took another midwife out of the hospital.

bully for you. but what goes around comes around and one day when you really need help you might just find yourself at the back of a queue.

SouthMum · 17/07/2009 13:08

Dunno SoupDragon - only going off what the MW said to OP (no-one available = no resources)

SoupDragon · 17/07/2009 13:12

Yes, but if a MW magically appeared, there must have been someone available, therefore the MWs must have been economical with the truth too.

StealthPolarBear · 17/07/2009 13:14

apparently yes kat, but they are ignoring you

blinder · 17/07/2009 13:15

In practice it would probably mean that a midwife on their team had to come in and work an extra shift. Not ideal at all.

But I know that my team of midwives are arguing for more staff and banging their heads against a brick wall. It's only when the NHS HAS to give them the staff that they will. Otherwise, they will just be expected to manage, understaffed forever.

If they regularly have to call in extra staff (at a higher cost) to meet the NHS promise of home births, budgets will have to be reallocated towards permanent staffing.

Unfortunately, this will put stress on the midwives in the meantime .

HerHonesty · 17/07/2009 13:15

nope. they would have reduced the number in the hospital (to a critically low level) and possibly even had to close the hospital to new arrivals.

StealthPolarBear · 17/07/2009 13:17

aargh - that was in response to a post from about half an hour ago that was apparentrly the most recent post

SouthMum · 17/07/2009 13:19

Possibly not. When I was in labour I didn't have a MW with me all the time, she was multitasking I guess and assisting with other women. The MW at the homebirth will just be with that one woman and not able to support other births so maybe thats what they meant?

StealthPolarBear · 17/07/2009 13:20

do people really not have a MW with them while they're pushing??

SouthMum · 17/07/2009 13:25

Is your post aimed at me SPB? If so I'm not sure why as I didn't say that. I just didn't have a MW with me all the time but when it came to pushing yes I did...

SoupDragon · 17/07/2009 13:26

Home Birth MWs are a different set to hospital MWs.

StealthPolarBear · 17/07/2009 13:29

Well it was SM, but the wasn't in disbelief, just in general surprise, sorry.
I just keep hearing this a lot, and am really surprised that people don't have MWs with them all the time when pushing - mine came in, shut the door, and didn't leave until it was over. Before pushing, in a low risk pg and if everything seems OK, they don't need to be with you constantly do they? In fact that would have driven me mad!! At one point I felt like telling DH to go to the hospital and I'd see him there when I was ready

Helen31 · 17/07/2009 13:30

Agree that I can't see why OP posted. Seems to be mighty defensive and disappointed that some people disagree with her...

Noonki · 17/07/2009 13:33

Apart from my terrible spelling my post was not ridiculous.

To compare women coming to hospital with twinges to what you did is sheer rubbish.

What did you expect when you posted this for us all to congratuate you on making the hospital stretch it resources even further .

I would love you to meet my DH (a paramedic) and get him to talk to you about the effects of other patients when resources are too stretched. People die as a result of too few midwifes.. It is an issue for the NHS and government that desperately needs to be addressed, but until it is people need to think of others and not just themselves.

For all you know more people went into labour than was average. Or there were lots of complex cases.

LuluMaman · 17/07/2009 13:37

MWs are not taken off the wards to go to homebirths. that just does not happen. there is a team of community midwives and a team of hospital based midwives.

women on the wards are not put in danger by women having homebirths

LuluMaman · 17/07/2009 13:38

noonki, i think that is a bit much, especially as you had a homebirth yourself.
surely then you understand why thte OP wanted hers?

why should she have to put her own feelings aside for other women?

it is the NHS making this predicament, not the labouring women

until women do put their feet down and shout about this, it will continue to happen

LuluMaman · 17/07/2009 13:39

i think the one time a woman should be able to be totally selfish and have her needs met fully is when she is in labour

not to be a martyr and abandon her planned homebirth for the sake of someone else

StealthPolarBear · 17/07/2009 13:41

good post lulumama

SouthMum · 17/07/2009 13:41

Soupdragon - I didn't know that they are a different set of MW (my ignorance is astounding!) if thats the case then can't really see why they would have said to OP there weren't enough resources unless that was the truth. Why would they lie if thats what their function is (and not a 'hospital' MW who objects to homebirths IYSWIM)

SPB - Sorry mis-read the in your post. And yes I was also thankful the MW wasn't with me all the time. She was like a dog with a bone with the G&A and even though it kept making me sick she insisted on shoving it in my face. I told her to F-off or I'd shove it in her face and see how she liked it (she just laughed )

littleducks · 17/07/2009 13:42

I dont think you were being unreasonable, we had to get a bit arsey with the call operator when i was in labour with ds, she didnt really want to send an ambulance as my waters hadnt broken and my contractions were not close together

However we insisted, and the ambulance came, ds was delivered 10 min later, I knew my body and i knew what was happening even though it wasnt 'textbook' as it was the same with dd

I wouldnt have gone in to hosp in your position if i had chosen a home birth, and couldnt you have been prosecuted if your dh had delivered the baby? They have to send someone as they dont allow you to have a birth supervised with a non midwife.

LuluMaman · 17/07/2009 13:43

it is a chicken and egg thing

women are told not enough staff for HB

so they might not book one

or they book one and are told on the day, not enough staff, so a proportion go in to hospital

so it impossible almost to build a business case for more community midwives as the requests and need for homebriths can't be properly represented

have explained that really badly, but if more women refused to go in and demanded HBs, there would be more MWs employed