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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lie knowingly and deliberately to get my own way?

231 replies

HorsechestnutBlossom · 17/07/2009 03:12

I had booked in a homebirth for months only to be told on the day there isn't a midwife available so you'll have to come in!

As an experienced homebirther (3 previously!) I was not going to be fobbed off so I told them the contractions were coming every minute! (lies lies lies)

I told them I could not come in and see you soon!

Heard them muttering to each other on the phone in the background she's too far gone we need to get a midwife to her she refuses to come in, then I did some extra yelp-in-labour for good measure and hung up.

A midwife rang me 2 minutes later saying I'm on my way.

And so I got the homebirth I wanted.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 17/07/2009 13:44

No, it did come across as aggressive!
So do you think women expect a constant single MW presence when they're in labour? All I wanted to know was that if I pressed the button, someone would come - I did, and she did.

Arcadie · 17/07/2009 13:45

Ladies you are not duty bound to turn every AIBU thread into a witch hunt. Could we not tone down the righteous indignation just for once and stick to debating the topic without an enormous show of hatred and loathing for the OP? probably going to get shot down for this too....

LuluMaman · 17/07/2009 13:46

you would not be prosecuted for a DH or someone else catching the baby if delivered at home before help arrived

as long as it is not planned that someone will deliver and hold themselves up as a MW

for example, if i got to a client;s house and she was pushing, as long as i had phoned 999 and / or labour ward, but baby was caught by me before the medics arrived , i am not acting as a MW.

if i did not call for help and said i would deliver, then that is an offence.

i think !

simply catching a baby , or helping the mother or father catch the baby whilst waiting for help is not the same thing as planning someone other than a midwife to deliver the baby

Flo23 · 17/07/2009 13:46

YABU.

It is a system under huge pressure, and you getting the birth you wanted by lying to get a midwife out to you meant that somebody else probably didn't manage to have the experience they had hoped for.

Am surprised you were so keen for a home birth if you live in such a rural area and were high risk for shoulder dystocia.

Picante · 17/07/2009 13:48

Lulumama great posts! You must be a fab doula.

Noonki · 17/07/2009 13:50

lulumama I completely agree that we should all lobby our MPs about this. I emailed mine about 2 years ago on this very issue 9not that it has changed anything)

but in our area, some of the community midwives also work at the hospital so it can impact on the hospitals here.
If that is different in the ops case then it is a but strange that they magically produced a midwife.

SouthMum · 17/07/2009 13:51

Same here SPB, I was happy with DP being there and when I needed the Epidural topping up I pressed the red button and in she came (even though epidural didn't work - thats another thread)

I reckon some people are expecting a MW to be there all the time but are pleasantly surprised when they aren't. I had no idea what to expect with the birth and thought I'd have someone there constantly and having everything checked and poked and prised apart every 5 mins so it was nice to be left alone for most of the time. Altough my friend was highly aggrieved when her MW toddled off throughout her labour. She was one of the ones expecting a constant presence incase anything went wrong.... (sorry for going off subject there - as you were....)

frazzledgirl · 17/07/2009 13:59

YANBU for wanting a home birth.

YABU for lying.

YAalsoBU for posting in AIBU when you blatantly don't think you were and aren't even pretending to consider that anyone else might have a point.

Glad the birth turned out well, though.

LuluMaman · 17/07/2009 14:03

thanks picante.. i try

the NCT and AIMS have been lobbying about this for ages, noonki, and also about one woman, one midwife.. it takes sooooooooo long for anything to happen.. it is so utterly frustrating.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 17/07/2009 14:04

Presumably they called one of the community MWs in who wasn't working to deliver the baby. That's something I assume MWs are prepared for on occasion - as are surgeons and other medical people whose skills might be needed at a time when there is nobody else to step in.

When I was in labour I would have told anyone anything to get what I wanted. If I was determined on a HB I would have done what the OP did, or just said 'Sorry I'm not coming in to hospital, cx are x mins apart, hope to see a MW here sometime soon otherwise I'll be delivering this baby by myself'...might not endear you to them much but too often women are treated like naughty girls who should do what they are told in labour and that stinks.

Trying to imagine being told I needed to have an epi, or cs, or similar due to staff shortages - would I have gone along with it? Fuck no. Like I said before -- in labour, every woman for herself, you should be as selfish as you want.

HollyBunda · 17/07/2009 14:18

YANBU

I called for a midwife when I started labour - they sent one out. We sent her away as it was early (and she was terrible). We called again during transition, they didn't have anyone to send out. So they called another community MW organization nearby and I had two of the loveliest MW's sent to me.
They showed up & I was already pushing, but I was glad to have them.

PrincessToadstool · 17/07/2009 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNatty · 17/07/2009 14:31

i dnt know if its been mentioned already, havent read the entire thread, but the maternity unit has the option of calling out extra midwives privately do they not? like nurses? agency nurses/midwifes are they called?
the ward upon realising it was short staffed should have got more staff in.

HerHonesty · 17/07/2009 14:32

re hosp and homebirth midwifes, in my pct they are the same team. depends on your pct.

JoesMummy09 · 17/07/2009 14:35

Agree with frazzledgirl on all her points.

We had a homebirth and had to phone the team as soon as labour started so they could plan the work with the whole team.

I think it helped that the community team were separate from the hospital teams.

I did have about 5 occassions where a community midwife was due to visit me at home both before and after the birth but they had to rearrange the appointments because there were home birth on.

So, it's possible the OP stopped a midwife from going out to do a post natal check, or from delivering a birthing pack. And I would rather they did that then they denied women their home birth (although it was irritating when I was still working trying dealing with the short notice)

bedlambeast · 17/07/2009 14:53

This reply has been deleted

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posieparkerinChina · 17/07/2009 15:05

Perhaps if the OP was so sure she should have a homebirth, which uses more resources than a hospital birth, she should have employed a doula. Not that I'm opposed to home births, at all, or a woman's right to choose but everything has a price. The NHS does not have a never ending pit of cash, there are plenty of private home birthing mws who could have made this possible. There should be more money, more support and cash for community mws but there isn't. There should be more money for cancer treatment, this is the NHS as we know it.

JoesMummy09 · 17/07/2009 15:11

Posie I disagree. A homebirth does not use more resources.

There is much less intervention in home births so less costs for theatre time, surgeons, anaethatists (sp sorry), theatre nurses and other staff.

Cleaners, catering and drug costs can also be deducted.

JoesMummy09 · 17/07/2009 15:12

Obv not suggesting that all hospital births use theatre...

belgo · 17/07/2009 15:14

Agree, a home birth doesn't use more resources, my insurance company considered my home births to be so cheap in comparison to a hospital birth I got money back from insurance.

MamaLazarou · 17/07/2009 15:16

Does anyone actually know for a fact which type of birth costs the NHS more?

posieparkerinChina - so only women who can afford to hire doulas and private midwives should be allowed to give birth at home?

bedlambeast · 17/07/2009 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SoupDragon · 17/07/2009 15:47

"The available evidence suggests that there is no case for refusing home births on grounds of cost. Because of fewer interventions, complications and hospital stays, planned home births cost less, on average, than planned hospital births. Costings for planned home births include the cost of transfers to hospital, and of hospital treatment thereafter.

The National Birthday Trust report on home birth in the UK found that the average cost of planned home birth to the NHS was less than the average cost of planned hospital births. In that study, Henderson and Mugford reported that:

? Costs for antenatal visits and tests, staff presence in labour and delivery, procedures and pain relief in labour, perineal damage, and most importantly, days in hospital, all confirmed the greater cost of hospital delivery.? [1]

I am aware of only one other study on this matter in recent years - 'The Cost-Effectiveness of Home Birth', by Anderson and Anderson in the USA. It concluded that:

?The average uncomplicated vaginal birth costs 68% less in a home than in a hospital.? [2]"

wolfnipplechips · 17/07/2009 15:54

lulumaman i haven't read everybodies posts but just want to point out that actually the same MW do work on labour ward, we are in a domino system in Sheffield, when i was in labour with dd i was looked after by my community MW who delivered dd in hospital on labour ward with ds i was having a homebirth until it went tits up my MW came to the hospital to look after me but got called away to another HB instead the MW(only 1 available) delivered ds with a medical student. Ds also had shoulder dystocia. That meant that because my community MW got called away, the labour ward had to take the pressure of an extra birth.

MamaLazarou · 17/07/2009 15:55

Thank you, SoupDragon.