to lie knowingly and deliberately to get my own way?

[HorsechestnutBlossom]

I had booked in a homebirth for months only to be told on the day there isn't a midwife available so you'll have to come in!

As an experienced homebirther (3 previously!) I was not going to be fobbed off so I told them the contractions were coming every minute! (lies lies lies)

I told them I could not come in and see you soon!

Heard them muttering to each other on the phone in the background she's too far gone we need to get a midwife to her she refuses to come in, then I did some extra yelp-in-labour for good measure and hung up.

A midwife rang me 2 minutes later saying I'm on my way.

And so I got the homebirth I wanted.

something that saddens me is that they are no longer allowing qualified nurses to do the fast track midwifery training ( takes 18 months as opposed to three years) ,so there is a massive shortage of midwives ,but they have lengthened the time it will take to get trained midwives out there .Obviousley this is all down to finances ,qualified nurses were paid their wage during the training.

'Being in labour is no excuse for lying to get your own way!!'

it isn't? because i stopped myself from having my son with my own mind until i got my own way, which was an epidural after the midwives tried to fob me off for 4 hours after i'd made a 1.5 hour journey-from-hell in an ambulance there just to fecking get one, too!

i'd have gladly cheated on DH by sucking that anaesthetist's cock like a golfball through a garden hose if that's what it would take to get my fecking epidural.

In this situation I would have stayed at home, waited till labour was sufficiently progressing and THEN phoned and asked for midwifery assistance

I dont think you lie was justified in this instance sorry

Totally support the OP. I planned a homebirth from day 10 of finding out I was pregnant, and yet when it got to the actual night in question 9 months later, was told "no-one available, you'll have to come in".

I was in no fit state to argue on the phone, but luckily my DH was well prepped that this could happen (as it does all too often) and he stood his ground and even quoted the NHS charter on a woman's right to a home birth etc, down the phone.

The woman on the phone said "you are taking the responsibility then, for your wife not coming in", and he still stood his ground, even with emothional blackmail being laid on him. He said we'd cope on our own and put the phone down. 2 minutes later they miraculously found a MW to send out and she was with us an hour later (and was amazing!)

So I didn't lie, but if it got to that, I probably would have done.

And it's not about taking resources away from other labouring women, as I'm sure has already been argued earlier on in the thread.

I'm glad you got the HB you wanted OP.

expat that image wil remain with me for all time

Yurtgirl I was kind enough(?)not to bother anyone until contractions had started, not a mere twinge! By saying I should have waited any longer when I know it takes ages to find me is ludicrous as I live in the middle of no where!

Anyway, how ludicrous to think a labouring woman who knows her own body well and knows not to waste precious nhs resources or is audacious enough to demand a hb and therefore is not enough for a midwife. Hang your head in shame.

Yurtgirl I was kind enough(?)not to bother anyone until contractions had started, not a mere twinge! By saying I should have waited any longer when I know it takes ages to find me is ludicrous as I live in the middle of no where!

Anyway, how ludicrous to think a labouring woman who knows her own body well and knows not to waste precious nhs resources or is audacious enough to demand a hb and therefore is not enough for a midwife. Hang your head in shame.

YANBU.
Well done HorsechestnutBlossom, the CMW team's staffing shortages were not your problem and it's not as if you didn't give them sufficient notice of your intentions.

So horsechestnut what are you doing to improve the midwifery service in your area? Have you wrote to your mp, are you an NCT member? Do you know that local people are allowed to sit on the board of foundation hospitals and thus have a say in the improving of services.

I don't think your lying is a show of solidarity in fact quite the opposite it was a purely selfish act that fact that people don't support you is not us not sticking up for womens rights its just most people say there is a better way of going about it.

I would be interested to know many people who wanted a homebirth were refused when they went into labour. Maybe i live in an excellent location for HB but 5 of my friends have had HB and have had a MW all be it very late in some cases.

Lucky the shoulder distocia wasn't severe.

Would you have gone into hospital then?

YABTU but hey you got what YOU wanted so who the fuck cares.... no?

all one would hope is that this did not lead to some other woman being stitched up by someone too tired to keep her eyes open

because rights or no rights, the damage done by a person who hasn't had enough sleep can last for many many years

Ah well by lying in blind panic I wasn't holier than thou enough then to be of a hb or midwife was I, according to some of these posts.

Well I am so glad some of you are holy enough to warrant one, that sure makes me feel better.

If you act like sheep to the slaughter you get treated like one imo.

By the way thank you for the supportive posts, you are great and at the end of the day I am very glad I didn't have to go into hospital.

Sorry a late reappearance from me on this thread but HorsechestnutBlossom why are you having a pop at me?

I said what I would do in this situation and answered your AIBU question (yes) I made no reference to whether or not your were kind........

shoulder dystocia is frequently dealt with safely in a home birth, all midwives are trained to deal with it.

A large baby isn't a big risk factor for it either, it happens with small babies too - and remaining in upright positions that open up the pelvis is one of the best ways to avoid it. People could be equally that anyone would increase the risk of shoulder dystocia by choosing to deliver on a hospital bed on their back; but people frequently do.

sorry didn't mean to put 'frequently' really, just thinking that I don't know how often so should say that - but is common enough that it has a different process to 'treat' it than in a hospital setting.

Thank you anastaisia, one clear thing I noticed about posters here is the lack of support/understanding other women give women who want hbs. They think you must be putting the baby at risk by having the baby at home when actually the opposite is true in normal cases.

A midwife is fully qualified to deal with shoulder distocia as that is what she is trained in. But of course some posts here don't think I was worthy enough for a midwife so in that case yes, good chance my baby would have not come out at all.

Cheers to those posts!

Oh by the way I name changed!

I change it with the flowers/blossom in my garden that come into season (but actually not many irises left but I do LOVE their scent!)

So that means I like to be 'in touch with nature' which is laughable to some but another reason why having a baby in my own surroundings with a beautiful view was so important to me.

I will never forget being shown round the labour room at the John Radcliffe hospital with a lot of other expectant couples.

I said 'There are no windows!'
The obstetrician said 'Having a view will be the last thing on your mind when you're in labour' the others just laughed at me. Talk about embarrassing.

The ob then gave us some metal forceps and other medieval instruments of torture for us to handle and 'get used to the idea of'.

Well, I have never felt so wretched in all my life. That dreadful white surgical room, those torture implements, the opressiveness...I felt my insides recoil and so I just got up and left. I remember running down those echoing corridors to escape!

Luckily there was an alternative!

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