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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lie knowingly and deliberately to get my own way?

231 replies

HorsechestnutBlossom · 17/07/2009 03:12

I had booked in a homebirth for months only to be told on the day there isn't a midwife available so you'll have to come in!

As an experienced homebirther (3 previously!) I was not going to be fobbed off so I told them the contractions were coming every minute! (lies lies lies)

I told them I could not come in and see you soon!

Heard them muttering to each other on the phone in the background she's too far gone we need to get a midwife to her she refuses to come in, then I did some extra yelp-in-labour for good measure and hung up.

A midwife rang me 2 minutes later saying I'm on my way.

And so I got the homebirth I wanted.

OP posts:
AppleandMosesMummy · 17/07/2009 09:17

Booking the home birth doesn't mean that somebody will definately have a midwife as it's not a set date, however legal you are entitled to 2 midwifes hence why I would never go into a hospital again where chances are you will get 0 midwifes for most of the labour.
As somebody else said, resourcing and staffing issues are never the patients problem.

Spidermama · 17/07/2009 09:19

YANBU. It's an absolute outrage that you should have had to do this in order to get what's rightfully yours - a birth at home where you wanted it.

Congratulations on the baby and on not being fobbed off.

nickschick · 17/07/2009 09:23

Im with Susie .....

Picante · 17/07/2009 09:26

YANBU A midwife is legally obliged to attend your birth.

My midwife said I'd have to go into hospital is they were all out on call - I just nodded and assumed she was right, until I spoke to my doula. Now I know I'm within my rights to demand a midwife to attend.

LadyPinkofPinkerton · 17/07/2009 09:29

YANBU. A home birth is a right for all women. Why should you go into hospital when you don't want to.

Original poster
HorsechestnutBlossom · 17/07/2009 09:32

I knew and had been told I was going to have a whopper of a baby boy (my other babies were 9-10lb and I'm small and slight).

I had looked into the options for delivering a huge baby and from my research knew that the safest option for baby and myself was to be at home, leaning forward with free movement (no restrictive monitoring belt for me)so I had a water birth set up (at my own expense).

Imagine my horror then for them to say I had to come in! Forget that! I would have been bloody traumatised to have to go to a hospital where horrible viruses lurk, where all manner of sick people are through no fault of their own, where you get stressed out staff running from one terrified woman to the next, where the likelihood of intervention is high, where there is no guarantee for the use of a waterbirth, NO WAY HOSE!

It took the midwife 20 mins to get to me anyway as I live in a rural area and by that time contractions had hotted up. I always refuse any examination of how dilated I am as after my first birth I thought no one is going to stick their fingers up me again.

The midwife was brilliant (baby was 9lb 11oz and had slight shoulder distocia)so birth turned out quite long but her skills meant she coped fantastically and we gave her a huge bottle of champagne after.

OP posts:
ArcticLemming · 17/07/2009 09:33

Why do some of you assume this situation was either a result of bullying or incompetence? Can you not see how this situation may have arisen through no fault of anyones? There is a shortage of midwives in some areas, people get sick, and the same number of births do not occur every day - if the average is, say, 5 and one day 15 women go into labour it would be extremely difficult to manage this. I fully understand your desire for a home birth (and the reasons behind it)and think resources should be planned to ensure that this is normally the case, but I also think in some cases there may well be valid reasons why this may not be possible without diverting resources from other women.

bumpsoon · 17/07/2009 09:55

I dont think anyone is suggesting that the midwives were necessarily at fault for asking the OP to come in .We all know that maternity services in this country are woefully understaffed ,but the bean counters are not going to do anything about it until more people put their foot down and start making a 'nusiance 'of themselves to get the birth they are after all supposedly entitled to

StealthPolarBear · 17/07/2009 10:02

ONly read the OP but YANBU
Home births are now meant to be a choice and are being promoted in this area
Why on earth should you 'have' to go in?
Congratulations on your LO BTW

bumpsoon · 17/07/2009 10:07

Just out of curiosity how the heck do they manage in holland where most births are home births ?

StealthPolarBear · 17/07/2009 10:07

Agree with Flamingo - would be interested to know how much money would be saved if every woman with a low risk pregnancy and who would consider one had a home birth?
Obviously it's not for plenty of women, and that's their right too.

I would imagine that the 'booking in' dates are used, along with historic trends and forecasts to plan maternity services. PCTs are responsible for maternity planning which would include the likely 'highest' numbers plus a plan of what to do. After all, what if the 15 labouring women turn up at hospital - they would still all need to be cared for!

bumpsoon · 17/07/2009 10:08

Oh and do community midwives go into hospital if they are short staffed ?

wolfnipplechips · 17/07/2009 10:15

I don't blame you for what you did at all but i do think that people should know that no resources mean that some poor midwife who has probably been at work for 12 hours and maybe has small children herself had to stay at work until there was enough staff.

Some poor woman on labour ward probably got a really shitty deal with an exhausted impatient midwife maybe she never had the choice of a homebirth because of complications etc. I don't know what the answer is but i wouldn't doubt them when they say they have no staff, after all they work on minimum numbers most of the time.

Its a really crappy system.

Stigaloid · 17/07/2009 10:16

YABU - I feel sorry for the poor women left at the hospital with one less midwife to assit her with her birth. Could have been a first time mum who needed as much assistance as possible and you decided that you would take away resources to her for your own selfish reasons. Wrong IMO.

franch · 17/07/2009 10:21

YANBU

bumpsoon · 17/07/2009 10:31

Stigaloid i very much doubt any midwife from the hospital attended the OPs birth ( op jump in here and correct me if im wrong!) A community midwife will have attended ,so no woman in the hospital will have gone without because of op ,they will have gone without because in hospital you cannot expect one to one care ,unlike a homebirth .

Sheeta · 17/07/2009 10:36

YABU

wolfnipplechips · 17/07/2009 10:38

in rural areas its very possible that midwives work in a pool so the hospital could be left short or that the community mw has brought her patient in to the hospital and is looking after her ther but has to leave which equals more patients than staff.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 17/07/2009 10:40

Do people really think that OP should have made herself have a birth she didn't want and would have hated because the NHS didn't want to accommodate her? Would anyone say the same if it was the other way around - a woman told she had to give birth at home because the hospital was full?

StealthPolarBear · 17/07/2009 10:42

Or if it wasn't about childbirth??
Your heart attack's only minor - stop being so selfish we have people with serious heart attacks on this ward

bumpsoon · 17/07/2009 10:44

To be fair to OP ,she was told she could have a homebirth , the trust waited until she was in labour to tell her she couldnt . I think if there are staff shortages ,then perhaps the midwives could do a quick ring round of the ladies wanting homebirths and explain the situation, thus preparing them in advance for the possibility they may not get one .I think slagging off the Op is typical of the anti other women sentiments that will enevitably mean maternity services wont get better ,its always the womens fault for a. getting pregnant b. having the audacity to ask for a homebirth and c. actually expecting to have a homebirth .

wolfnipplechips · 17/07/2009 10:48

Stealth actually that happens all the time you just don't here about it because its me (the A&E nurse) they say it too. Only a certain type of heart attack patient gets a ccu bed the rest have to go to the pleb wards, the NHS is ALL about rationing, it wouldn't work otherwise

StealthPolarBear · 17/07/2009 10:53

yeah, good point!
Suppose my anger is that one the one hand they are promoting choice in childbirth (as everywhere else) and yet when you try to use that choice you get told no at the last minute!

bumpsoon · 17/07/2009 10:56

Yes kat ,imagine the uproar if the Op had said i went to hospital in labour ,because thats where i wanted to give birth and they sent me home ,saying i had to have it at my house and they would send someone out to me ,so i lied and said i was homeless and couldnt give birth in a cardboard box

katiestar · 17/07/2009 10:58

YABVVU sh.
What if a mother or baby had died because they were not being adequately supervuised as a direct result of your selfishness