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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the pregnant woman on the train tutting at not being offered a seat was Being unreasonable?

319 replies

pinkyporker · 11/06/2009 09:55

I will probably get jumped on here but having been a commuting pregnant lady on 3 occasions I am well aware of the discomfort standing on tube journeys can do.

However it really riled me the other day when a pregnant lady huffed and puffed and made loud comments on the train because she had not been offered a seat. Now I was standing but had I been sitting i wouldn't of offered a seat to her after her comments.

If she was 38 weeks pregnant as she so loudly claimed, then surely to is her career choice to work so late into pregnancy and she should consider the journey when making this decision.

Personally if I was that desperate and I have been I would just politely ask someone if they minded giving up their seat but I dont just expect it. There are many people who have problems standing where it is not obvious.

There was also a woman on my local paper complaining of the same.

Just wondered what other people thought. Should pregnant women expect a seat on public transport?

OP posts:
ScaredOfEverything · 11/06/2009 09:57

On the tube there is a "pregnant person" seat, so if someone was in taht she was well within her right to be annoyed.

Re working at 38 weeks - think YABU - you have no idea of her financial situation.

Personally I think it is common decency to offer a pregnant lady a seat, but I agree she should ask politely.

donnie · 11/06/2009 09:58

oh yes - these damn pregnant women just WILL BLOODY WORK won't they? .

Oh the glorious irony at your disapproval of her 'tutting'.

rubyslippers · 11/06/2009 09:58

not sure about expecting ... but isn't it courtesy?

i worked until just before i was 38 weeks PG because i HAD to financially

i used to ask people if they would mind if they were sitting in a priority seat

callalilies · 11/06/2009 09:58

I think it's pretty outrageous that a (presumably?) obviously heavily pregnant woman wasn't offered a seat.

However I agree that when deciding whether to continue to work at that late stage she ought not make the assumption that she will always get a seat.

I also agree that politely asking the nearest able-bodied young person if they minded giving up their seat would have been a better strategy. Can't imagine anyone refusing.

morningpaper · 11/06/2009 09:59

Goodness me, they will be letting disabled people work soon!

YABU

rubyslippers · 11/06/2009 09:59

i do sometimes despair of the general lack of courtesy and manners to all sorts of people BTW

gingerninja · 11/06/2009 10:00

Any decent society would not question a heavily pregnant womans need for a seat. Who cares whether she chose to work late into her pregnancy / had no choice or was just out shopping. If we all looked out for one another a bit without question then perhaps this country would be a nicer place to live

DaddyJ · 11/06/2009 10:00

She was 38 months pregnant and no one offered her a seat?!
Her reaction is understandable, non?

Original poster
pinkyporker · 11/06/2009 10:00

I agree she may have to financially but it is still her choice to do so. Yes no-one knows her situation but no-one knows the commuters situation or why the commuters do not OFFER a seat so doesn't it work both ways and asking politely would be the thing to do

OP posts:
Fimbo · 11/06/2009 10:01

When I had dd 10 years ago, maternity leave was only 3 months. I was having a c-section so worked right up until 4 days before the birth, so I could add extra time on to the end of my mat leave.

I would always offer a pregnant lady a seat, YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVUR.

DaddyJ · 11/06/2009 10:01

er 38 weeks I mean

WoTmania · 11/06/2009 10:01

YAB a little U anf maybe a little intolerant too.
Maybe she has asked before and been ignored. Maybe she didn't want to work this far into pg but had to or (more likely, loads of my friends have done this) this is her 1st pg and she didn't realise how rotten late pg can be and now wishes she had given up earlier.

traceybath · 11/06/2009 10:01

Obviously you are being totally unreasonable.

Blimey you sound like a certain type of older lady 'well we managed in my day etc etc'.

I'd have tutted at nobody offering her a seat not at her wanting one.

edam · 11/06/2009 10:02

I think people should offer their seats to anyone who has difficulty standing.

Why are you judging her for working at 38 weeks? Do you think pregnant women should be barefoot and chained to the kitchen sink? Why not judge the selfish people who stayed on their arses?

When I was a lass, I was told to offer my seat to adults. I think that sort of early training stays with you and means you are more likely as an adult to give up your seat to someone who needs it more than you.

Stigaloid · 11/06/2009 10:02

YABVFU

rubyslippers · 11/06/2009 10:03

maybe she is so hacked off at being ignored by commuters that she can;t stand the asking anymore or being ignored?

i was fairly huffy at 38 weeks PG as well

TheCrackFox · 11/06/2009 10:03

Fimbo, I did the same. I worked right up 39 weeks and had my baby 3 days later. In retrospect it wasn't a great idea but needs must.

YABU, someone should have offered her a seat.

jellybeans · 11/06/2009 10:03

YABU I always stand for pg women/disabled/elderly and would expect/hope for the same. I couldn't stand for any length of time in my pgs. I am not surprised she was peed off and so what if she was still working?

oliverboliverbutt · 11/06/2009 10:04

people are so selfish and rude on public trans..she probably never has a seat offered to her and has resorted to trying to make people realize how selfish they are.

YABU.

gingerninja · 11/06/2009 10:05

I would have actually killed at 38 weeks, thankfully i was made redundant because frankly, it's a bit much having a preggy lady in the workplace isn't it?

donnie · 11/06/2009 10:05

so pinkyporker....you accept that she may need to work but that 'it's still her choice to do so'.

do you know what the word 'misogyny' means?

callalilies · 11/06/2009 10:06

I was on the tube about 6 or 7 months pregnant. I stood in the middle of the carriage and lots of people's heads immediately got firmly buried in their books, newspapers or anything else they could find to stare at to avoid looking at my obvious bump

I didn't ask for a seat because I wasn't going far anyway.

As we were coming into a major station, all of a sudden 3 people offered me a seat. Turns out all 3 were getting off anyway, so had noticed me earlier, but wanted to keep their seat until they didn't need it anymore, then appear the soul of generosity for giving it up.

Made me smile!

Original poster
pinkyporker · 11/06/2009 10:06

I haven't judge anyone for working at 38weeks. As it happened I gave up 3 days before I had my first. I did have to factor in lots in this decision and the difficult journey was one of them. She got on with me and within seconds she was tutting and making comments. I dont think many people even realised that she was pregnant or had even seen her before they were being accused of being inhummane.

I always would offer a seat but just dont think it should be expected and if you really need one just ask!!!

OP posts:
brimfull · 11/06/2009 10:06

YABU
You should have supported her in her quest for a seat.

LackaDAISYcal · 11/06/2009 10:06

YABU

her decision to work as late as she can (possibly because she wants to spend as much time postnatally with her baby as possible before going back to work?) is none of your business

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