to think the pregnant woman on the train tutting at not being offered a seat was Being unreasonable?

[pinkyporker]

I will probably get jumped on here but having been a commuting pregnant lady on 3 occasions I am well aware of the discomfort standing on tube journeys can do.

However it really riled me the other day when a pregnant lady huffed and puffed and made loud comments on the train because she had not been offered a seat. Now I was standing but had I been sitting i wouldn't of offered a seat to her after her comments.

If she was 38 weeks pregnant as she so loudly claimed, then surely to is her career choice to work so late into pregnancy and she should consider the journey when making this decision.

Personally if I was that desperate and I have been I would just politely ask someone if they minded giving up their seat but I dont just expect it. There are many people who have problems standing where it is not obvious.

There was also a woman on my local paper complaining of the same.

Just wondered what other people thought. Should pregnant women expect a seat on public transport?

Tin-I think that's true about Japan-at least seemed so IME-the businessmen ignored us-the women mobbed us. I think this giving up our seats for others is about what type of society we would like to live in/have. I guess that would be my question for people who think it is not unreasonable to sit like a giant turd in the face of a standing 38 week pregnancy.

I have to say the only time I did have a bad experience was on the Waterloo and Shitty line - perhaps it's related to the occupation of the commuters?

Also, I think I might have always got a seat because (apart from being fairly loud and asking when a seat wasn't forthcoming) I tended to wear quite bright and fitted clothing that made my bump very obvious.

I really do think there could be something in that ewe - I put my experiences down very specifically to the "type" of people who work in canary wharf.

That didn't help when I was having to do it though. It was awfully upsetting.

Trust me my bump was obvious. And I waved it

Ewe...see...I have my theory there....london coommunters ARE a different breed in many, not all, cases...they are in LOndon for a reason...and family friendly does NOT fit in....
whihc is stupid and a shame, but well...hence me never living down there and spending time in london unless absolutely necessary or for real fun

I was travelling on a full bus at 6 months pregnant - a very obvious 6 months, too. An elderly man, very wobbly on his feet, got on. Not one person offered their seat to him. So I got up and moved further down the back. Not one person offered me their seat, so I stood in the aisle next to a well-dressed male, (seated), and made sure my belly kept hitting him in the head. He didn't last one stop further before getting up and offering me his seat

Hedgiemum, I use the tube every day and I always ask. Just smile, say "excuse me, could I sit down please?" and they'll get up, usually with no bother. The priority seats are the ones near the doors with the sticker.

OP - your point about how you should factor in public transport problems before deciding to get pregnant is like something out of the dark ages. Next you'll be telling us that working mothers deserve to earn less! If you really have been pregnant on the tube, you'll be familiar with the unbelievable level of selfishness a pregnant woman has to contend with, day in, day out. Mostly I use the straightforward tactics above - but does it occasionally get a bit much? And have I been known, on occasion, to get a little bit arsey about it? Hell, yes. It's called being human. We're none of us at our best when we're tired and feeling rubbish. Fortunately, there only needs to be one nice person to give up their seat - and not everyone is like you

I used the tube every day during my last pregnancy up to 36weeks and will do the same this time. (am curretnly 26 weeks)

I did experience one pig last time, who told me I not be travelling on the tube diring rush hour! I politely told him he was a great advert for compulsory sterilisation....

Yes people should have the courtesy to offer a pregnant lady a seat, and i think most do if they notice, but in reality most are too engrossed in their own world to even notice!

If you want a seat and no-one has offered - open your mouth and ask. No need to get huffy and uppity about it, jsut be an adult and ask politely - it take a strong headed fool to refuse!

My main gripe is the daft "baby on board" badges that some pregnant women feel the need to wear. I think they are ridiculous! What is more easy to ignore; a big pregnant belly or a small badge. Get some back bone ladies, and ask

I think on one point the OP is NBU - that the pregnant woman should learn how to ask nicely.

A pregnant woman is entitled to a seat, as is someone who has difficulty standing but if I was on a train and a pregnant woman got on and was rude about her entitlement I'd just feel bloody minded about giving up my seat.

I got offered a seat once when I was pregnant by a nice woman who looked embarassed to be asking BUT the majority of the time I got a seat anyway or was not uncomfortable standing. I would have felt embarassed to ask but if I had to I would have done so politely.

Pregnancy is not an excuse for rudeness.

On the other hand she is entitled to stop/ start work whenever she likes.

I've been told that in Japan (disclaimer: not sure how true this is) that the men get the seats and the women have to stand, so I would say with Japanese manners and customs all bets are off!

Sorry not read all the posts, but obviously have to add my two pen'orth!

I worked up to a week before both mine were born because I wanted my six months to be with my babies and I felt great.

I didn't show til I was at least 6 months pregnant but was lucky enough to be mostly get a seat on the tube.

I noticed people eying up my tummy thinking "Is she pregnant or fat? Will I offend her if I offer her a seat??" (I do think this now!) I would usually stroke my tummy and someone would bounce up and offer me a seat!

I get really quite pissed off when I see an obviously pg woman get on the tube and loads of people look up see the bump and then put their nose back in the paper - especially if it's a woman.

Anyway OP YABU this is the 21st Century pregnant woman can do what they want dammit!

"mymain gripe is the daft "baby on board" badges that some pregnant women feel the need to wear. I think they are ridiculous! What is more easy to ignore; a big pregnant belly or a small badge. Get some back bone ladies, and ask "

Argh! Please read my earlier post as to the history of these badges. They are not designed so that people will politely give up a seat for you - they were brought into being so that people would be aware of your pregnancy and give you teh space accordingly so as to not knock into you or jostle you when pregnant. It has nothing about having a backbone and asking. When i was heavily pregnant last time round i would rather stand for a short journey than sit down, heave myself up again after a few minutes and waddle off. Not all pregnant women want to sit down on a journey when they spend all day sitting in an office. They do however want their space appreciated and not get kncocked in the belly which can cause fatal effects on an unborn child. (as was the case for the woman who started the badge campaign).

stigaloid, I read the post about that woman, and the reason for introducing the badges...and I must admit it sounded a bit urban mythish to me....because you have to be verrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyy severely kicked/punched for it to hurt your Baby, iykwim...

however, I realise that, of course, if something like that happens to anyone it must be very traumatic...

During my first pregnancy, I will get on the tube, make a bee line for the priority seats and ask if I could sit down.

Once the man seated was a bit reluctant so I said quite loudly "This seat is for people less able to stand and at 34 weeks, I think I am less able to stand than you" He did get up.

Thankfully, I don't use the tube anymore!

When I was not pregnant, I sat on the priority seats as a last resort, knowing I had to get up if someone else needed it.

YABU I hate to get on the bus and see pregnant women standing and no one offering them seats I usually tut and make fuss for them. till someone moves to let them sit down.

Gone have the days where people were considerate of others.

FLRAL - it was in the newspapers at the time quite a few years ago. Not urban myth - very sad story. Stuck with me as made me cry at the time and this was long before i ever got pregnant and before i cried at anything (i used to be hard as nails, now i cry at Andrex adverts - must get a grip!)

fairlady she is not the only one.

There was also a woman who got shoved out of a carriage and it led to miscarriage that I read about it the paper.

Given the xmillion who travel on the tube every single day and the conditions and attitudes of people in rush hour it is not surprising that injuries result surely.

My main gripe is the daft "baby on board" badges

Well, tough. They work. Especially when you're in the early-mid stages. And they don't allow people to convince themselves you've just been on the Ginsters, rather than being pregnant.

I don't agree that 'gone are the days when people were considerate of others'.

Everyone has been incredibly considerate to me in my pregnancy. I don't commute, which seems to offer the worst experience, but I have been offered seats when I've needed one on every tube and bus journey I've made (if I don't need one, I avoid all eye contact, because otherwise it has happened that a kind person has asked for a seat on my behalf which embarrasses me). I've also had lovely treatment in shops, queues, toilets, at airports, on planes and at work.

It can't all be luck!

Some might wear a badge, good for them, but I bet a majority of us wouldn't want to. I do hear what you say about getting a nasty dig on a crowded train but surely this could happen anywhere. I would rather bemoan the loss of a society in which people could speak to each other nicely and directly not via a badge. Manners work both ways.

And seeing as we're all bringing up children or about to, isn't it down to us to make sure they are respectful of the needs of others? My mum would have dug me in the ribs if I hadn't leaped up to offer my seat but I often see children (I don't mean little, sleepy ones, of course) sitting when shattered-looking, older people are standing and had come to think I was just old-fashioned.

maki I think the key in your post is "I don't commute"

Rush hour on the tube is not a place to observe the milk of human kindness flowingly freely.

hi lovelytin well yes perhaps you're right. It seems the more miserable people are with their own lot, the less kindly they look on others.

Oh, same as! I loved the Famous Five (wanted to be George, didn't see the point of Anne, thought they should all have left her at home). What the hell was up with Uncle Quentin? I think even at the age of 7 when I read them first I thought he had some mental problem.

I cannot even remember the Secret Seven, I did read some of them but thought it was all a bit daft.

The adventure series were my absolute favourites. The Castle of Adventure - where they were all holes up in a castle looking for golden eagles, when it overtaken by ruffians (classic Enid speak for lower class crims) and they had to hide in suits of armour. And another one where they went on a cruise and found a treasure map in a ship in a bottle, and went to a Greek island called Andros iirc and found the gold . My fave was when they went to an unnamed African country which had Cine Town, and they sailed a boat down a cataract (or summat). I had a massive big crush on the hero copper type who ended up marrying their mum.

Oh god I have got to look for those books on t'internet, would love to re-read them.

Also - do you remember the Five Find-Outers? It was like Midsomer Murders for kids, with a clever dick fat kid called Frederick Algernon Trumper or something. They were great!

GetOrfMyLand - that's a bit surreal. Who in the Famous Five was pregnant? I thought I'd read them all but evidently not... Bet it wasn't George though.

Ah getorfmoiland that clears the whole issue up micely!

maki I don't think that you can assume that everyone who works is miserable! I suspect many of them are just extremely selfish...

Longtall - did you not read Five Go Mad with a Turkey Baster?

I commuted into London until a couple of days before my due date. I generally got offered a seat on the tube IF I stood among the seats. If I was huddled in a crush by the door then no-one could really see me to offer me a seat (and I wouldnt be able to get to the seat anyway with my bump!)

I found that people from every walk of life would offer me a seat irrespective of age, sex, ethnicity. The only exception was the middle-aged men in suits - they NEVER offered.

When I took the train in, I hardly ever got offered a seat though.

Now I live in Amsterdam and the ethos (on the tram I take anyway) is never to give your seat up for anyone - if you offer (as I did at first) you get a strange look from the elderly/pregnant/disabled person and they say "no"