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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the pregnant woman on the train tutting at not being offered a seat was Being unreasonable?

319 replies

pinkyporker · 11/06/2009 09:55

I will probably get jumped on here but having been a commuting pregnant lady on 3 occasions I am well aware of the discomfort standing on tube journeys can do.

However it really riled me the other day when a pregnant lady huffed and puffed and made loud comments on the train because she had not been offered a seat. Now I was standing but had I been sitting i wouldn't of offered a seat to her after her comments.

If she was 38 weeks pregnant as she so loudly claimed, then surely to is her career choice to work so late into pregnancy and she should consider the journey when making this decision.

Personally if I was that desperate and I have been I would just politely ask someone if they minded giving up their seat but I dont just expect it. There are many people who have problems standing where it is not obvious.

There was also a woman on my local paper complaining of the same.

Just wondered what other people thought. Should pregnant women expect a seat on public transport?

OP posts:
JenniPenni · 11/06/2009 10:22

Oh I hope I am never in your tube were I pregnant! Shocking attitude.

thegirlwiththecurl · 11/06/2009 10:23

"In all 3 of my pregnancy's and now my fourth, I have only ever been offered a seat on 3 occassions.It's quite an unaminous decision on here but in RL people just dont give up seats."

That doesn't make it right, though, does it? Clearly you would have appreciated it. I worked up until the day before I had dd2 and took the bus there and back. It was bloody hard work and I wasn't offered a seat once. I didn't tut but I did feel really let down and was tutting inside. Maybe the woman was tired, achey and just needed to vent, poor thing - surely you can understand that. It's just common courtesy and just a plain nice thing to do.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 11/06/2009 10:23

YABU
Yes, it would have been better to have just asked someone and she was being a bit passive aggressive but so what - she's 38 weeks pg, on the tube, pissed off, tired and uncomfortable. We've all been there.

Stigaloid · 11/06/2009 10:23

i think you have all got me wrong.

I think she should have been offered a seat but when she was not she should have asked.

No you don't - you clearly said that if you had a seat you wouldn't have offered her one.

donnie · 11/06/2009 10:25

strange, in that case pp, how you state in your OP that

"had I been sitting i wouldn't of (your poor grammar, btw, not mine)offered a seat to her"

this would suggest that you DON'T think she should have been offered a seat.

Anyway - you said you'd probably get jumped on and you have been. So you got that bit right. What a crap and mean spirited thread.

callalilies · 11/06/2009 10:25

I agree that often in RL people don't give up seats. Which is why pregnant women shouldn't expect one. They will only be disappointed if they assume they will get one and then don't.

They ought to be able to expect one. But in reality they may or may not get one depending on whether anyone is in the mood to notice a bump and can be bothered to get up. Sometimes they will get up, sometimes they won't. They always should, of course.

But not offering your seat because she tutted was v harsh.

Original poster
pinkyporker · 11/06/2009 10:26

I really felt I needed a seat in the early stages when I was suffering from severe morning sickness but people could not see I was pregnant and so I asked. No-one ever said No. But actually offered only about 3 times in heavy pregnancy.

I was pretty flustered and annoyed sometimes that people didn't just jump up but thats the way the world is.

I dont think just because you are pregnant you have the right to be so rude.

OP posts:
lisianthus · 11/06/2009 10:26

YABU - I am 35 weeks, and I can say that I have not been offered a seat on the tube once. Thank goodness I have a short commute. The poor woman may have been completely knackered and this was the last straw, particularly (as someone pointed out above) as there are signs above certain seats saying that they should be offered to preganant people, old people and people with disabilities, even apart from teh politeness issue that should result in her being offered a seat anyway.

And apart from the not knowing her financial situation issue, she may be wanting to spend as much of her mat leave as possible with her baby after the birth. It may be illegal, but there are certainly LOTS of jobs where they put heavy pressure on you to come back as soon as possible.

GrungeBlobPrimpants · 11/06/2009 10:28

"Choose to work" indeed. She has the right to work as long as she likes and where she likes. Or do you think she would be more gainfully employed wafting round her fragrant home, knitting babywear and preparing her darling hubby's supper???!

Yes pregnant women - and the old, disabled etc - should indeed expect a seat

Hey, that lady's child may be a brain surgeon one day. Hopefully he/she will be able to correct the empathy bypass you've been encumbered with.

thegirlwiththecurl · 11/06/2009 10:28

"I dont think just because you are pregnant you have the right to be so rude."

but the problem is, I think, that you are being quite rude in your attitude to her. No, in an ideal world, she wouldn't have tutted and been rude, but in an ideal world someone would have given her a seat

rubyslippers · 11/06/2009 10:28

i think when you are 38 weeks pregnant you are entitled to be huffy

TBH, from your OP the woman wasn't "so rude" - she tutted and commented - she didn't eff and blind

the point is that YABU

you also have stated you wouldn't offer her a seat ... niiiiiiiice

chaya5738 · 11/06/2009 10:31

You sound awful.

SouthMum · 11/06/2009 10:31

Good grief!!

If it was me I think I would have done the same as her - there is something about asking for something outright that makes people cringe, so to be not-so-subtle about your intended request is the best option for some people.

Think its outrageous that no-one offered her a seat. You say it might be that no-one could tell she was pg but in your OP you said she mentioned it loudly.

I hope the people who were sat down get piles....

Slickbird · 11/06/2009 10:32

Not only are YBU but also can't help but wonder if you are a troll?

Original poster
pinkyporker · 11/06/2009 10:34

If i am being honest no I wouldn't of had I been sitting. I would of initially. If I wasn't preggers myself but after she kicked off I think I would of put my head in my book and ignored her.

Shameful I know but I am being honest

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 11/06/2009 10:35

Quite lacky in empathy for heavily pg women who commute to work arent you pinkyplonker?

donnie · 11/06/2009 10:36

yes - shameful is right.

And it's "wouldn't HAVE" not "wouldn't OF"

for future reference so you don't sound quite so dimwitted.

SouthMum · 11/06/2009 10:36

TBH at 38 weeks I think every pg woman has the right to be a bit narky....but you knew that....

ThingOne · 11/06/2009 10:37

Well, given the rudeness of people on the tube, no, a pregnant woman should not expect a seat but she should be offered one. And if you are standing when a heavily pregnant woman needs a seat you could consider asking on her behalf. Like "oh you lazy lot give this pregnant woman a seat". I mean, I realise talking to other people on the tube is against regulations but try it and you might just find it doesn't hurt, or cause social breakdown.

Anyway, didn't think there were any tubes yesterday?

rubyslippers · 11/06/2009 10:38

yep - utterly shameful pinkyporker

totally and utterly

Original poster
pinkyporker · 11/06/2009 10:38

No not a troll and probably are BU but just being honest that it annoyed me that she didn't ask although agree with SouthMum that not all people feel able to ask.

OP posts:
Slickbird · 11/06/2009 10:41

can I just point out - I just had my third 3 months ago and prior to that I had to take the train early every morning and I used to dread the packed train as I knew that it would be rare that someone would give me a seat despite being obvioulsy pregnant. (And incidentally on the odd occasion it was always women).

It's not as simple as 'just asking'. For some reason I just felt VERY awkward about asking someone, maybe you feel a bit more vulnerable at certain stages of pregnancy, but despite being in near tears with pain of SPD, I just found I couldn't ask. I don't know why. But I do think that they are entitled to a seat (yes, yes, it's no one else's fault that that woman is pregnant, but so what?) Decent bloody manners gone right out the window.

Although I do accept the argument that sometimes men are too scared to make the faux pas and that others really are just too head down in their Metro to notice.

19fran76 · 11/06/2009 10:42

Yes, heavily pregnant women should be offered a seat on public transport as a matter of courtesy.

My personal experience whilst pregnant was that this often did not happen. I remember sitting on the train carriage floor when pregnant at one point as it was a long journey.

I didn't tut or demand a seat as my right. Probably should've. Would respect anyone who did, frankly.

Stayingsunnygirl · 11/06/2009 10:42

Hang on a minute here. If I have read all that the OP has said, the lady got onto the train, and without giving anyone time to notice that she was heavily pregnant and needed a seat, and without first trying a polite request, she launched into tutting and rudeness. That is not reasonable or polite behaviour, imo.

Of course it's highly unlikely that people could fail to see that she was heavily pregnant - but only if they had happened to look at her! Perhaps some were engrossed in books/newspapers/work, or simply zoned out in a world of their own.

And if she had asked politely, someone might have offered her a seat - but she didn't given them the chance. By immediately having an attitude, she probably put people's backs up. Now I accept that that's not a reason for the other people in that carriage not to display good manners and offer her a seat, but human nature being what it is, surely she's more likely to get a seat if she's nice about it?

The bit about 'choosing' to work at 38 weeks is a bit of a nasty red herring - as others have pointed out here she may have very valid reasons for needing to carry on working to that stage - and tbh, it distracted from the main (as I see it) point of the OP - ie her rudeness and its effect.

Stayingsunnygirl · 11/06/2009 10:43

And please, pinkypork - it's would have not would of.