to think the pregnant woman on the train tutting at not being offered a seat was Being unreasonable?

[pinkyporker]

I will probably get jumped on here but having been a commuting pregnant lady on 3 occasions I am well aware of the discomfort standing on tube journeys can do.

However it really riled me the other day when a pregnant lady huffed and puffed and made loud comments on the train because she had not been offered a seat. Now I was standing but had I been sitting i wouldn't of offered a seat to her after her comments.

If she was 38 weeks pregnant as she so loudly claimed, then surely to is her career choice to work so late into pregnancy and she should consider the journey when making this decision.

Personally if I was that desperate and I have been I would just politely ask someone if they minded giving up their seat but I dont just expect it. There are many people who have problems standing where it is not obvious.

There was also a woman on my local paper complaining of the same.

Just wondered what other people thought. Should pregnant women expect a seat on public transport?

I'm a northern line commuter, and during my pregnancies have felt really lousy during the first few months, and certainly not up to standing during rush hour. I found that getting on the tube near the priority seats, and annoucing to the carriage generally, Could I have a seat please, I'm pregnant", would get a good response with usually a couple of people fighting over who was going to give up their chair for me! This was despite not looking in the least bit pregnant at the time. I did wear a "baby on baord" badge, as I felt it "legitimsed" my request, but I certainly didn't expect the badge to work on its own.

mind you, I'm also the person who asks everyone to "move down the carriage, please" when I get on, and there is a massive gap in the middle, with everyone crushed around the doors.

I'm just amazed that more people don't actually ask (both for seats, and for people to move down), rather than just tutting, or making snide comments. I admit that does really get my back up - although probably not enough to prevent me giving up my seat if necessary!

Hahaha!

Oh - err - laughter was @ makipuppy, not you Amiable

YANBU, but she was a bit I think - rather than just tutting, why not go ahead and ask for somebody to give up their seat?

IME people are so self absorbed during their commutes that her tuts probably went unnoticed.

yabu of course

i make it my business to ask people sitting on the tube (when i am standing) to give up their seat for an elderly person/pregnant woman/someone carrying small child

like I said, I suppose it can happen, but it must be incredible rare....

when I was pg with ms (about 25 weeks +) my es, accidently, hit me full whack with a golf club in the tummy....and I was , of course ,worried that it done some damage, but was reassured that the Baby is very well protected in their....

I did the northern line commute last time and ended up usually getting a seat, even at rush hour. I did often have to ask but never mentioned pregnancy because of the arseholes city workers who then make helpful comments about it being your choice.

I tended to do the 'I need a seat now because I am going to faint'. Usually worked very quickly and in a bit of a panic.

"I agree she may have to financially but it is still her choice to do so. "

Huh? Are you familiar with the definition of "choice"? Choice requires options. That's what it means.

If she HAS to work, her choice = work or not eat, Ridiculous argument to imply that she didn't deserve to have a seat because she was working at such a late stage.
YABU.
Poor woman.

Just offer her a seat and don't analyse HER. She's irrelevant in the matter of doing the right thing.. iykwim.

Only women ever offered me a seat when I was pregnant. It's amazing. Men go blind.

I remember with all my pregnancies that as long as I was moving I was really fine, I could have walkes for miles but standing up without moving was making me feel faint! she might have still felt ok to work but not to stand still. Anyway, if she workes, even if it is her choice, does not mean people should forget courtesy and cood manners!

I don't think you are being unreasonable - the fact she got in a huff is probably not good for her, and certainly not good for the patience, nor encourage willingness in others.

I do think people should willingly give up their seat, when they see someone in difficulty, but it is not always courteously accepted, and not always easy to spot if someone is pregnant or just carrying extra pounds (speaking as someone who needs to lose 3-4 stone, before anyone complains!)

However, there are times when courtesy is not acknowledged, and sometimes if I've held a door open for someone (every age, any gender, because I was 'brought up' not 'dragged up') but get no acknowledgement, then if I've a mind to, I will say sarcastically "you're welcome" as if they had thanked me. It makes some people blush!

Can understand the frustration if people sink into book or newspaper because they're selfish.

Re ChocolateRabbit and some others... sorry to read that so many of my gender are complete and utter b'stards.

However, I wonder how wide this attitude is spread - for example, are people (or men in particular) on the Glasgow or Newcastle services, and on trams in Sheffield, etc, as thoughtless/ selfish?

Sometimes I do get the view that London is so 'fast' that it is also 'harsh' and causes some selfishness. It's a bit like the bad reputation NYC had for blunt talking...

I used to live in Sussex, and was able to visit the capital for day trips. Since moving 'up north' (you won't care where, be honest LOL) my visits have been infrequent but each time I just feel exhausted by the hustle down there....

Network...yeah, the pace in London always leaves me exhausted, too....hence me avoiding it as much as I possibly can, despite only living like an hour away (on the train)....

YEs they should expect a seat. In my first pregancy where I cycled to work till i was 7 months and then spent one miserable month commuting on a train and a bus and often no one gave me a seat.

With my second, I wised up to the misery of miserable gits not having the decency to give a obviously pregnant woman a seat and cycled right up till I went on maternity leave at 38 1/2 weeks. At least I could then be sure of getting a seat!!!

Re working at such a late stage: You don't know what her financial situation might be so can't blame her for wanting to work and have as much time off with her baby as poss.

It is perplexing to me that you are someone who states that you always offer people a seat but have also posted the question:

Should pregnant women expect a seat on public transport?

You state that you would offer a seat but that it should not be expected.

Do you mean that those less able to stand should grovel more? Are you truly annoyed if some people less able to stand expect a seat?

You could have supported her for a quest for a seat, but you didn't, perhaps she was too tired to communicate to ask for one, but no, you were really riled by her.

You even go on and question if she was really 38 weeks pregnant, and then you assume that it is her career choice to work so late.... blah blah blah. See if someone mentioned that they were 38 weeks pregnant on a train then as an alternative you could have made an assumption that they were mentioning this information in order to try obtain a seat.You say that if you were that desperate that you would have been politely able to ask for a seat- well good for you, perhaps other people desperate for a seat are stressed so don't come across polite all the time.

Just because you have been pregnant and have worked does not mean that this women did not need a seat.

If it is not obvious that someone needs a seat and if you are in doubt well you could just say "are you in need of a seat? and that way she could have replied with a simple yes or no, sometimes people might be too sick to communicate properly or to your standards, but it does not mean they don't need a seat.

Not read thread. But to OP. YABVU.

hell yes, yabvu. When I was about 7 months, I had to get on a packed bus at the end of the working day. feeling v tired, emotional, blah, and realised that all the accessible seats were occupied by: an ancient nun; a lady on crutches; a sullen teen with headphones; and enormously overweight man. I couldn't have asked any of these people to stand for me as it would have been massively disruptive in a swaying, tightly packed bus. So I asked no one, and by the time I had been swung around a bit and really needed a seat, I was so upset, I couldn't have asked anyone without bursting into tears, so kept schtum - I would have been mortified.

And this from a normally feisty 'gimme the goddam seat already' pregnant lady.

We all have bad days, and it says nothing good about our society that we can't rely on the good nature of other commuters. Gits.

Was the tutting unreasonable? Possibly. Did she need a seat - of course.

Pregnant women NEED seats on public transport. But we've gotta take responsibiity and ask!!!! Once I started asking I always had a seat, and usually people were just embarassed for not offering before I asked.

Just because being pregnant is at the center of a woman's universe, it's not the centre of everyone elses. Sure some people are rude & notice but don't offer, but most others just don't notice, aren't being observant, or think if they sit tight someone else will get up for the bump.

Just ask ladies - smile, deep breath & ask - usually I didn't have to get much past the "excuse me but ...." before being swiftly seated. Take responsibility for yourself & for seating youself & your bump. Sure beats standing up tutting & fuming.