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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

This is more of a request than an AIBU

142 replies

MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 21:01

Can I please suggest to the morons (only a couple of them thank God) that if there is a 28 page thread rolling on about a serious issue which you haven't personally experienced, please try to restrain yourself from piling in ten minutes before the end to play columbo and shout troll.

I have never offered more than a couple of words of support on threads about bereavement, infertility, miscarriage, drug or alcohol addiction or infidelity because I haven't been through any of these things and I can only empathise and offer a few kind words of general support.

However, on this thread about a controlling and abusive partner, I and the other people who have been through this too recognised the authenticity of SP's thread. We were more equipped to make that call than a couple of people jumping from thread to thread for a few moments entertainment.

I was really fcukign angry to get back today and see that SP's thread had been taken over by a couple (just a couple) of morons picking holes in her story. The people who did that should have a long hard think about the damage they might have done.

OP posts:

2shoes · 09/06/2009 21:04

no idea what thread you ae talking about, but this is a internet forum so you can't dictate what people do and to call people morons is a bit.......well sill

Disenchanted3 · 09/06/2009 21:06

I agree,

some people read through whole threads and discredit them on the most minor things such as use or plurals or discrepancies in time etc ...

I mean alot of posters are vunerable, upset, on edge and confused, of course they aren't going to use 100% correct terminology or exact precise timings of events, it doesn't mean they are lying,

and then to be labled a 'troll' when you reach for help? Disgraceful.

And it happened to me once, i posted under another name because of my family knowing my old name and because i had made a mistake in one of my posts i was discredited,

it was very, very upsetting.

Disenchanted3 · 09/06/2009 21:07

PS I don't know which thread you are talking about, I'm just generalising.

conniedescending · 09/06/2009 21:09

ack

troll hunting is yawnsville but then so it arguing about authenticity of posts

starting another thread about the above just adds fuel to bonfire and draws in more posters such as myself to have an opinion

as you have started this again my opinion is that someone is trolling on that thread in question but I couldn't give a shit about it - am amazed at how much wrath trollery encounters on MN

Original poster

MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 21:12

I wouldn't dare to pile last minute on to a thread about infertility and after reading through 7 or 8 heartbreaking personal accounts then shout "troll". The same goes for threads about bereavement, breast cancer, infidelity and anything else I know that I know I haven't experienced personally.

The internet forum public board excuse for being an idiot is no excuse. This forum is for mothers, who should have a gram of compassion and more than a gram of common sense.

OP posts:

alisha29 · 09/06/2009 21:12

think i know what thread as i have read them

Original poster

MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 21:13

yes, Alisha29, you would know how seriously damaging it would be; to be mocked and doubted at such a vulnerable point in your life.

OP posts:

psychomum5 · 09/06/2009 21:15

maggiebee, with the best respect in the world, you have no idea why that thread raised the troll shout quite so voraciously as it did.

no, it isn't nice to have a thread taken over like it did, not when so many poster did give fantastic advice. kind of detracts from the kindness given and all that, but sometimes, when people are beginning to offer more than just advice, and suspisions are felt, then sometimes a careful worded waring would not go amiss.

Portofino · 09/06/2009 21:18

The sad thing is that some posters have be HURT by trolls, so alarm bells always ring when people's stories don't add up. In the case that you mention, i can see why there might be some doubts.

There were many posts about where people were in the country and private emails going on. Some posters made the point that the OP had done well, but warned others about getting too personally involved. This IS good advice.

Original poster

MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 21:26

psychomum5, it was because people who hadn't read the whole thread became confused about whether the OP or another poster were in the police. it turned out to be another poster. If that's not the reason, then enlighten me, because I feel quite nauseated to think that people will enter such a serious thread and shout troll because after skim-reading something that has nothing to do with them, they think hey! gotcha. this is fun.

If there is a good reason for it, tell me. I will feel less sickened.

OP posts:

amidaiwish · 09/06/2009 21:29

what i don't get is, if you read a thread and think something is "up" or that something isn't hanging together quite right, or that person is a "troll", then why not just leave the thread rather than bother posting at all?

surely if the OP is a troll, then they are looking for responses/reactions so why bother giving them it.

Portofino · 09/06/2009 21:31

It was clear to me that a poster, who is in the Police, came in and made a comment that, if what the OP was saying was true, then her partner would NOT have been detained to await trial. Because it does not work like that. As another poster said, people are not locked away indefinitely without a bail hearing. This a DV case if anything, not murder.

Original poster

MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 21:34

Yes, people should leave the thread if they don't 'connect'. I never once posted on CarryOnQuietly or whatever she was called. I didn't storm in and say anything nasty.

I wouldn't presume to pile on to a thread about a sensitive issue I know nothing about and shout troll. I am just disgusted and horrified that this practise is acceptable and is actually being defended, on the grounds that this is a 'public forum'. I thought we were supposed to be a bit more intelligent and compassionate than that.

OP posts:

FenellaFudge · 09/06/2009 21:36

MaggieBee - with all due respect (not having been embroiled in that thread myself) I think you may have the wrong end of the stick.
The troll stuff stems from various issues, discussed on and off that thread, and the brief confusion over who was in the police was really just an aside during the broader conversation.

littleducks · 09/06/2009 21:37

MaggieBee i have posted on neither of the threads you are refering too

I have been on mumsnet nearly 4 years, in that time there have been many trolls but a couple have really damaged others lives

There was a lovely poster who left as she felt so betrayed who offered her vacant house rent free to a troll claiming to be in need, while many mnetters rallied around to furnish this house with essentials until the truth came out

Unfortunayely the best advice has to be refer posters to revelant agencies and to donate to our local womans aid etc. as otherwise things can go terribly wrong

psychomum5 · 09/06/2009 21:37

sorry, but PMSL @ 'carryonquietly'.

she really never did do that!!

Original poster

MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 21:38

FenellaFudge, with all due respect how can I have the wrong end of the stick on a thread I started about a 28 page thread I became very involved in . sheeesh.

OP posts:

Portofino · 09/06/2009 21:41

Maggie, I completely understand why you are upset. You have been through this, and quite rightly don't want to see people making light of such a serious issue. The problem is that sometimes people USE the bad experiences of others, freely shared on here, for not so nice purposes of their own.

There are some discrepancies in the other OPs story. Other posters are urging caution. There is still good advice on that thread. If this poster is indeed genuine, she has already been pointed in the direction of many sources of help.

FenellaFudge · 09/06/2009 21:42

"it was because people who hadn't read the whole thread became confused about whether the OP or another poster were in the police. it turned out to be another poster. If that's not the reason, then enlighten me"

Thats what I was responding to. No need for the tone.

I understand your anger tbh, because you really truly believe that SP is genuine. None of us actually know but just as you're sure of your opinion, others are sure of theirs.

Original poster

MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 21:45

psychomum5, no worries, because I have been around long enough to know the damage trolls can do.. but those trolls who really hurt people built up their 'characters' and their stories over weeks. They sucked people in over a fairly lengthy period of time.

THe OP in the thread I was refering to had ONE thread. And I was that person who bacame too involved, oh how stupid of me to want to help another human being who's going through what I went through.

And what hurts me is not the 0001% chance that the OP is a troll, no what hurts me is that people can come in on page 24 and shout troll with so little evidence. EVEN if there were a few tiny holes in the story they may have been deliberate. WHen I put up my 'cry for help' thread, I changed the sexes and ages of my children, and then, I may have refered to them as they really were later.

It occured to me that SP is probably genuine but in the end, despite 28 pages of advice and support from people telling her she deserves better, maybe she just didn't have the courage to DO anything right now. Maybe she just told us she called the police to give the thread an ending. I can imagine having done that. I didn't leave my x in a conveniently forum-friendly 72 hours just so that the thread can end neatly. LIfe's not like that. Maybe this was her first 'reach out'. Maybe she'll work up to leaving him eventually. But it won't help her to know that there are people out there who'll doubt her story, and doubt the seriousness of what she's suffered.

OP posts:

Original poster

MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 21:47

ffs I'm crying now. gonna watch tv I think. bloody fucking internet.

OP posts:

FabulousBakerGirl · 09/06/2009 21:49

Actually, MaggieBee, people suspected that thread wasn't real right from the start but refrained from calling troll for a while. Those same people also offered support.

You are not doing your case any favours by calling people names on that thread and then starting another thread.

Just because you may have been a victim of DV doesn't mean you can spot a troll any better than anyone else.

FenellaFudge · 09/06/2009 21:49

I have been off MN for ooooh, almost a year, just as CVQ was in full throttle, and came back saturday and that thread was one of the first I saw and I felt like I had never actually left!

Original poster

MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 21:51

I left my controlling abuser. I don't need 'a case'. There was no troll to spot. and Poopscoop is still over there turning that thread into a court hearing. I feel SICK.

OP posts:

FenellaFudge · 09/06/2009 21:52

Maggiebee - you have done something wonderful and offered support as have lots of others on SPs thread.
I'm personally of the opinion that something needed to be said and I'm glad that happened, obviosly you dont agree and thats fair enough but the advice there still stands whether for SP or for someone else.

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