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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is more of a request than an AIBU

142 replies

MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 21:01

Can I please suggest to the morons (only a couple of them thank God) that if there is a 28 page thread rolling on about a serious issue which you haven't personally experienced, please try to restrain yourself from piling in ten minutes before the end to play columbo and shout troll.

I have never offered more than a couple of words of support on threads about bereavement, infertility, miscarriage, drug or alcohol addiction or infidelity because I haven't been through any of these things and I can only empathise and offer a few kind words of general support.

However, on this thread about a controlling and abusive partner, I and the other people who have been through this too recognised the authenticity of SP's thread. We were more equipped to make that call than a couple of people jumping from thread to thread for a few moments entertainment.

I was really fcukign angry to get back today and see that SP's thread had been taken over by a couple (just a couple) of morons picking holes in her story. The people who did that should have a long hard think about the damage they might have done.

OP posts:
mrsboogie · 09/06/2009 21:52

the op whether she was genuine or not clearly got what she needed from the thread as she hasn't been back since she said the husband had been arrested.

I think its a very valid point that is better to feed a troll than ignore someone in true need of help and no-one actually said anything to denote suspicion while the OP was posting - only later.

There's no point getting into a strop over it now.

Portofino · 09/06/2009 21:55

Maggie, sweetheart, this isn't people getting at YOU! See this is the internet, and THIS is the trouble with people getting emotionally involved!

You've been there - I haven't. It must have been god awful and no-one is belittling your experience or disbelieving you.

You have been VERY supportive and offered your experience on the thread. That it to your credit especially as it must be hard for you.

THAT is what MN is about. If the OP is genuine, then she has been given very good advice, had violent dp arrested and has many links to gain support in the future.

If she isn't, then she has been made aware that MNetters don't suffer fools gladly.

You have only done good!

Original poster
MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 21:55

I'm in tears over the other thread. I can't believe it. I can talk about what I went through no problem, that poor girl has been on my mind for 72 hours, but I was fine. FINE. But to log on to it tonight and see people shout 'troll' for some reason that just tips me over the edge. I don't understand why really.. I'm staying off those threads in future. ANd not because there's a .000% it could be a troll, but because I can't bear to see somebody's story picked over. Why? What was even the point of picking over it?

OP posts:
mrsboogie · 09/06/2009 21:57

Please don't upset yourself - you are taking this personally - you shouldn't.

poopscoop · 09/06/2009 21:58

maggie - starting another thread calling me a moron is pretty much as low as you think of me.

You have raged on that I do not know what it is like to be in that situation. wtf do you know about me? I asked that on the other thread and I ask it again now.

Original poster
MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 21:59

I can't not take it personally. Two years ago and I still feel what was somebody else's pain or what I thought was their pain. Usually I am laughing when I am on MN. This is very unusual.

OP posts:
psychomum5 · 09/06/2009 22:00

maggie, I think in some ways this is why trolls are so damaging......for those of you (and I include you in this strongly seeing as you have admitted you have been there) that this brings up bad memories for, threads like that that are not genuine are so very very awful.

it hits nerves

in brings up bad feelings

it is making you cry tonight.

that is why, when those of us who have been on the bad end of a troll recognise a possible other one, we want to try and stop it.

I was badly badly burnt by cvq. that thread, I would bet money on it being her trying again from a different standpoint, so as to get new 'prey'.

I might be wrong.........I might have just been so badly damaged by her that I am now using those feelings (in the same way that you are using your feelings to help) to hurt some genuine (hoping you get what I mean).

please don;t cry. It is a horrid and lonely feeling when someone on an internet forum brings up bad memories of stuff in your past you try so hard to bury.

cvq did it to me.........she cause a lot of damage to many others too......this is what we are all trying to help prevent happen again.

shame sometimes tho that is can be so clumsy an attempt to help.

poopscoop · 09/06/2009 22:00

yes, same here.

Original poster
MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 22:01

Your behaviour on the other thread was disgusting poopscoop. I'm glad you've left that thread though,just to have a swipe at me and get the last word. Entertainment for you is it?

OP posts:
Portofino · 09/06/2009 22:02

poopscoop, maybe you should leave it now....

poopscoop · 09/06/2009 22:03

Entertainment?

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 09/06/2009 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 22:04

How can it be decided so completely that it wasn't genuine? When did that happen? Just because she went away? I think it's more likely that she hadn't the courage to leave him, or the courage to admit to us that the thread was going to have no happy ending. That would be an embarrassing thing to admit. But judge and jury have decided the whole thread was not genuine??????

OP posts:
poopscoop · 09/06/2009 22:07

For those who think I should leave it, please remember that when there is a post referring to myself I have the right to respond. Therefore until I am not being alluded to on this or the other thread I shall remain. Is that wrong?

Original poster
MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 22:07

RIMOD, you know my email address (i'm the same poster as Margotbeauregarde and we emailed eachother before - If you think it's a troll can you email me to let me know. I just didn't realise how much I cared about somebody that might not be a somebody, might just be a something. I thought it was just words on a screen I was typing. maybe I just picked open my own old wounds. ONly now that tears are still streaming down my wretched face do I realise that I did get "too involved".

OP posts:
mrsboogie · 09/06/2009 22:09

you're not the only one maggieb not by a long shot

Original poster
MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 22:10

Poopscoop, I didn't name you in this thread. And I didn't 'rage on' you misrepresnted me there. This is just an argy bargy to you. all great fun I expect. I was angry and called you a moron and I asked you to leave the other thread. And it's just struck me, if you've upset ME this much, then how much would you have upset the OP , and I think there is still a reasonable chance that she was entirely genuine.

OP posts:
Portofino · 09/06/2009 22:11

No-one is saying definitively one way or the other. The main point to me is that YOU are desperately upset about it.

You have given the benefit of your experience, and that will be a big help to MANY women. SP knows where to get help if she needs it. What more can anyone do?

Original poster
MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 22:12

mrsboogie, I don't even feel "stupid". I just feel really sad. Weird.

Anything good on tv!? what can I watch that'll take my mind off DV!?

OP posts:
psychomum5 · 09/06/2009 22:15

and you are exactly the type of person we are trying to protect maggie..........the ones who get too invested and risk hurting themselves in the meantime.

as for why we suspect that particular OP.......she sounds indentical to cvq. many people say I am very obvious and have a particular style and 'voice' in my posting..............cvq did too. and many of us can 'hear' her again.

Portofino · 09/06/2009 22:15

I can tell you boring stories about my ridiculous belgian boss if you like. I can bore for England (or Belgium). You'll be asleep before you know it!

Original poster
MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 22:16

I know it's crazy. I will try to cheer up now.

OP posts:
poopscoop · 09/06/2009 22:16

oh so you were not alluding to me at all, on this thread or the other?

Oh I am confused now, who exactly were you referring to?

Portofino · 09/06/2009 22:18

poopscoop, time for bed maybe? Leave it!

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 09/06/2009 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn