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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

This is more of a request than an AIBU

142 replies

MaggieBee · 09/06/2009 21:01

Can I please suggest to the morons (only a couple of them thank God) that if there is a 28 page thread rolling on about a serious issue which you haven't personally experienced, please try to restrain yourself from piling in ten minutes before the end to play columbo and shout troll.

I have never offered more than a couple of words of support on threads about bereavement, infertility, miscarriage, drug or alcohol addiction or infidelity because I haven't been through any of these things and I can only empathise and offer a few kind words of general support.

However, on this thread about a controlling and abusive partner, I and the other people who have been through this too recognised the authenticity of SP's thread. We were more equipped to make that call than a couple of people jumping from thread to thread for a few moments entertainment.

I was really fcukign angry to get back today and see that SP's thread had been taken over by a couple (just a couple) of morons picking holes in her story. The people who did that should have a long hard think about the damage they might have done.

OP posts:

FenellaFudge · 10/06/2009 17:12

Well, I dont understand.
Personally thought that thread was a crock but has some great advice (from lots of posters).
Just seems weird to me that you would allow it to be pulled for your own personal reasons, because you over shared or whatever.
Unless I've misunderstood you here?

psychomum5 · 10/06/2009 17:12

hoping you are proud that your advice was 'cracking'....

pingping · 10/06/2009 17:18

Ooo an OP I think you may be unreasonable to request that especially after some of the cases with Trolls where people really do get pulled in. CVQ was a horrible one and the Young girl that had a teddy for a baby.

In most threads where I have seen troll called 9/10 of them have been trolling better for posters to know b4 things get emotional.

hullygully · 10/06/2009 17:23

Mumsnet said my advice was the best advice they'd ever seen anywhere. I'm getting s small trophy with my name on it. Bring on the love.

psychomum5 · 10/06/2009 17:50

I wanna trophy

Original poster

MaggieBee · 10/06/2009 18:17

It was nice of Helen to string some kind words together in an email to me, but I didn't spend 3 days opening old (well, old-ish, 20 months old) wounds and investing emotional energy into helping somebody so that I would end up being praised by mumsnet.

Despite the mockery/criticism directed at me by a few people, I still know that it would have been better to just email MN if they were concerned about the authenticity of the OP's story. That thread was a useful collection of advice and personal stories, but all of it become pointless the second the OP was accused of being a troll whether or not it was ture. Any person genuinely needing that sort of advice would be crushed and held back from leaving by the depressing realisation that not everybody believes, and not everybody understands. Some people think it's melodrama. There's enough guilt, fear, shame, confusion and isolation as it is, without contemplating the sad fact that some people won't 'buy' bits of what they consider a story.

So I didn't have the thread pulled for my sake. FAR from it. This is a subject I care about. I know every day that I'm one of the lucky ones now, and nothing I said at any point was for me or about me. It's a subject I care about.

OP posts:

FenellaFudge · 10/06/2009 18:30

Sorry, was it not pulled because you wanted your posts removed and HQ said that the thread would make no sense if just your posts were deleted?

Original poster

MaggieBee · 10/06/2009 19:30

What's it to you? I can't be bothered with this 'toood anymore.

OP posts:

FabulousBakerGirl · 10/06/2009 19:34

Don't be so off Maggie. FF is only asking a fair question.

psychomum5 · 10/06/2009 19:41

maggie, I am fully aware that you didn;t put yourself out like that for praise......I didn;t when the OP was in her former persona as CVQ. I 'put myself out there' to help someone, to give her the support I wish I could have had, to help her get to the place I am now.

instead, she used my stories as her own, she bled me of a lot of my happiness and security, and made me a pretty bitchy person for a while, and I was ultra sensitive to any critism, like you are right now.

openig old wounds is not a walk in the park, as you are finding, and it takes time for them to heal over again.

I wish you some peace to get back to how you were on friday.

hullygully · 10/06/2009 19:47

Maggie - are you a Gemini?

Peace and love to all.

mrsboogie · 10/06/2009 20:21

"Despite the mockery/criticism directed at me by a few people, I still know that it would have been better to just email MN if they were concerned about the authenticity of the OP's story. That thread was a useful collection of advice and personal stories, but all of it become pointless the second the OP was accused of being a troll whether or not it was ture. Any person genuinely needing that sort of advice would be crushed and held back from leaving by the depressing realisation that not everybody believes, and not everybody understands. Some people think it's melodrama. There's enough guilt, fear, shame, confusion and isolation as it is, without contemplating the sad fact that some people won't 'buy' bits of what they consider a story."

I don't want to prolong the agony of this thread but I don't think the above statement is necessarily true. You see threads dedicated to helping one person on here all the time. Some of these seem to have people who go back time and again to support the poster who is in need of help. Only sometimes people sense that something doesn't add up about the story and what are they to do?say nothing and let other MNers pour their hearts out and personal email addresses and offers of physical help trying to help someone who isn't real?

I was posting on that thread in good faith until the OP suddenly announced that she had reported her husband and he was locked up and they'd thrown away the key until a court date. At that point I stopped believing her and clearly so did a lot of other people.

They didn't pile in yelling troll though - it was just fairly subtly expressed suspicion alongside continued supportive statements. If the OP had been genuine and was around I don't think it would have been that traumatic for her to have responded to this and provide the clarification that was needed.

I do not believe that a person reading the thread who is living with dv would be dissuaded from seeking help just because people had sussed a fantasist who been posting on another thread.

More people get believed than don't it seems to me and the ones who don't its generally for a good reason.

Unicornvomit · 10/06/2009 20:23

psycho, has this been confirmed as CvQ in a new persona?

poopscoop · 10/06/2009 20:51

hullygully - you make me die you really do. Passing through threads with a little waft of love for all. I am imagining this mellow hippy with huge spliff

catinthehat2 · 10/06/2009 21:34

Poopscoop, haven't you changed your name yet?

poopscoop · 10/06/2009 21:46

nah. Do you reckon I should? I cannot think of another name at the moment.

catinthehat2 · 10/06/2009 22:13

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