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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To feel a bit put out at friends telling me, at the end of my impromptu visit, that they 'like to be telephoned before anyone pops in'?

500 replies

Scrumplet · 25/05/2009 19:22

I'd understand if we'd turned up planning to stay for hours. But DS and I were in the area, and it would have seemed rude not to pop in for 10 minutes, IYSWIM. So we did, and they welcomed us in, and we chatted for 10 minutes in the garden - and then they said, "We prefer visitors to call before they pop in." They were washing up when we arrived.

Anyhow, I feel like a dog with its tail between its legs. I don't mind (in fact, rather like) friends descending on us for brief, impromptu visits - but that's me, I suppose. Were we being unreasonable to just pop in for a few minutes, unannounced?

OP posts:
MichelleObama · 25/05/2009 19:24

Hmm. Well I think on the whole it would be better to call before popping in, but what they said was very rude IMO.
So YABU but they are BVU.

Monkeyandbooba · 25/05/2009 19:24

Ouch Even if they thought it it's a bit rude to say that to you directly. Something along the lines of 'give us a call if you are in the area again' would have been hint enough!

rubyslippers · 25/05/2009 19:24

i always text to check a visit is ok first

FairLadyRantALot · 25/05/2009 19:25

hm....if you only popped in for a short time, I think it is silly for them to be like that....but I suppose some people don't like spontanious visits, etc....

Monkeyandbooba · 25/05/2009 19:25

I can see it from both sides though as I feel weird about people dropping in without letting me know first (even if it just 5 mins it gives me time to quickly run hoover around and shove stuff in cupboards ) So... YANBU but YABU

bluejeans · 25/05/2009 19:26

I think somne people like it and some don't - now you know how these friends feel it doesn't mean you need to stop dropping in on other friends

Maybe just send a quick text the next time with these particular friends

I know what you mean - some frieds would be annoyed if you'd been in their area but felt you couldn't drop in...

bigchris · 25/05/2009 19:26

well I prefer people to phone before they drop in but how rude of them and how embarassing for you, I'd give them a ide berth for a while and let them make the next move

katiestar · 25/05/2009 19:27

No you were not being unreasonable.Your friend obviously has a bit of a thing about it and is letting you know.You were not being unreasonable 99 out of 100 people wouldn't mind but she is not being unreasonable either she is entitled to her own opinion.

RumourOfAHurricane · 25/05/2009 19:27

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Tee2072 · 25/05/2009 19:27

I hate when people just pop in, but I certainly wouldn't tell them that! At least not at that moment!

KerryMaid · 25/05/2009 19:27

I think they were right to say something tbh.

brimfull · 25/05/2009 19:29

I am a popper inner without warning but have learnt to subdue my popping in urges.

I know it's been discussed on MN before as being a north south divide thing. I am scottish brought up in canada where I popped at my will.
Now living down south in england and I have to really stem my urges incase I send someone into a panic.
I would feel put out as well.

sheesh some people!!!

Paolosgirl · 25/05/2009 19:29

Crikey, how rude of them. If you'd dropped in and stayed for hours, then it may have been OK for them to say something like "call me next time you're in the area", but for 10 minutes??? Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.

Monkeyandbooba · 25/05/2009 19:29

Do you KM? Isn't it polite to suck your teeth and then moan about it to DH later?

jenwyn · 25/05/2009 19:30

Yanbu
I prefer impromptu visits myself and sometimes will drop in on friends-but only at reasonable times of the day.If they were washing up then obviously that was a great time.And you didnt even cross their precious threshold
They were just being plain rude .

KerryMaid · 25/05/2009 19:30

I can just see this from the other angle.

"I've been popping in on my friends for years now and it finally came up over a glass of wine that they don't really like it.
I'm so embarassed, why didn't they just say something at the time?"

Well, they have. Now you know.

And you don't have to go all red-faced at the idea of how many times you've done it.

Win-win in my book.

ThingOne · 25/05/2009 19:31

Why shouldn't they say something? They didn't throw you out, they just said what they thought so you know for next time.

Why is it rude to be straightforward?

Nahui · 25/05/2009 19:31

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Thunderduck · 25/05/2009 19:32

I hate impromptu visits and I would say something to let people know that I'd prefer that they call first. But I wouldn't say it at that time.

brimfull · 25/05/2009 19:32

The only thing I don't like is when friends come in without knocking first.

wonderingwondering · 25/05/2009 19:33

If someone knocks and it isn't convenient I say 'thanks for popping in, lovely to see you, but we're about to do x, shall I call you/pop round tomorrow?'. Actually asking you to make an appointment/give advance warning is a bit socially inept, I think.

thisisyesterday · 25/05/2009 19:33

i am a popper-inner myself, but would totally expect anyone who knows me to tell me immediately if it wasn't a good time and i'd just piss off again

i lik epeople dropping in to me too, not that it happens often. but it's fine as long as they don't mind mess :D

Monkeyandbooba · 25/05/2009 19:34

But if they were busy they could have said that they only had ten mins or whatever.

Wilkiepedia · 25/05/2009 19:34

YABU, they were a bit blunt but I would rather be told. I don't like people popping in unannounced TBH (I like the idea of it in theory but in reality house is usually a tip and I like to have a quick whizz round with the hoover before they come)

Thunderduck · 25/05/2009 19:34

I do think it's polite to call. I had someone drop by unexpectedly the other day and I wanted to scream. I did manage to pretend that I was happy about it though.