To feel a bit put out at friends telling me, at the end of my impromptu visit, that they 'like to be telephoned before anyone pops in'?

[Scrumplet]

I'd understand if we'd turned up planning to stay for hours. But DS and I were in the area, and it would have seemed rude not to pop in for 10 minutes, IYSWIM. So we did, and they welcomed us in, and we chatted for 10 minutes in the garden - and then they said, "We prefer visitors to call before they pop in." They were washing up when we arrived.

Anyhow, I feel like a dog with its tail between its legs. I don't mind (in fact, rather like) friends descending on us for brief, impromptu visits - but that's me, I suppose. Were we being unreasonable to just pop in for a few minutes, unannounced?

In my case practice putting on my happy face.

Yanbu in thinking they were rude in the way they said it - they could've been more sensitive.

But YABU just popping in - friends of ours did this today. We were just about to go and meet my dad for lunch, and it made us late, even though the friends were only popping in too.

I'm very much of the "phone first" camp - were actually did get caught out in a post-coital situation by a friend who called around to borrow a drill from dh - he had tried to ring, but teenage dd1 was on the phone to a friend while dh and I had nipped off for a quickie in our (locked) bedroom.

When the friend came around, dh had just got out of the shower and I was in my dressing gown trying (and failing) to keep a straight face. Needless to say he's told the story to our mutual (and probably non-mutual) friends.

blimey some of you are so anti-social!

what's wrong with a cuppa and a chat,we don't want a song and dance iin an immaculate house fgs

Nothing wrong with taking the time to check it's ok with the host first.

I'm from lower middle Glaswegian stock. We do not do just a cup of tea. If a guest arrives it is a requirement that you must look as though you were planning on feeding the 5000 and not just one or two visitors.

I agree Winky.

Sassybeast - you can do tons in 10 minutes! Put pants on, hide the washing up, tidy up the sex toys, you'd be amazed

Actually it's more that it gives me the chance to say 'yes, do come round but we're going out in 1/2 an hour/sorry, love to see you but we're on our way out/about to have lunch/tea whatever' which for some reason doesn't seem quite so rude over the phone because you're not actually turfing them out once they've turned up.

Having said all that, I think the OP's friends were a bit pompous - a jokey 'lovely to see you but give us a call first next time, eh?' would have got the message across and not been quite so stiff

I'm quite happy for people to pop in but I understand that some people don't like it.

I still really don't understand why it was rude of them to tell you that they prefer notice.

I guess Scrumplet that vbeofre phones themiddle classes had a maid who could say "not at home".

I love visitors at any time not that we are likely to have friends just pop round as we havn't really got any but as dh works from home often we are not in a position to have unnanounced visitors.

phoning first makes out you want to be entertained though

"hey I'm coming drop everything and entertain me!"

wheras turning up at the door says- Hi,I'm here to see you ..that's it

Plus the call gives me a chance to say it isn't a good time if I have plans.

I don't like unannounced visits either.
On my days off I could either be doing a yoga DVD or(don't laugh)Wi fit.
Place could be a tip, need at least 5 minutes
to run around chucking stuff in the wardrobes.
Dinner could be ready, or I maybe opening one of my favourite treats which I don't want to offer to any guests.
Or quite simply a trashy programme may be starting which I would rather not admit to watching...oh and I may have just applied fake tan which requires me to walk around naked for half an hour until it dries.

I like visitors but not whilst i'm in the middle of my house work, it upsets the apple cart.

I've often had to say to family sorry dh is teaching and not let them in. Its better now he has a dedicated office but usually there isa parent waiting in our living room.

I haven't lived in a pop-innable life for a very long time but I do think I would like some warning in order to chuck all the rubbish into cupboards, even pre-DH and DS (not sure which is the worse mess-maker). Now DH (with various mental as well as physical health problems) finds it hard to cope with being around people even expectedly never mind not, easier all round if we just know when people might be round.

I wouldn't actually say so, though! I think I'd just say "do text when you're in the area, would be great to see you again".

I find it's much more difficult to turn them away if you're busy when they are at your door, than it is when they call.

To me it says: "you are my friend and I like to spend time with you so much that I will squeeze in a quick visit while I am passing"

If I'm busy or have plans I can use modern day speaking technology to convey that to the unannounced visitors.

I can't understand those of you who think it's rude not to call before dropping in. If it's an old friend who drops by, you just say "listen, we're just on our way out" or something, if it doesn't suit.

No-one's expecting dinner and entertainment, just a quick "we're in the neighbourhood, hi" - and if you're busy, just say!

If it's a north/south thing (although I grew up in Kent, so I don't think it is), thank goodness I live in Scotland.

I'm in Scotland too Paolosgirl. And I still hate unexpected visitors.

It seems much ruder and more difficult to turn someone away at the door. You feel obligated to let them in, even if you have plans, than it is to say 'Now isn't a good time' when they call.

It's not rude, just annoying.

Agree with Thunderduck, it would be quite embarassing turning a friend away at the door, that is why arranging in advance works better for everyone.

Are you talking about acquaintances - or good friends that you've known for years as in the case of the OP? If it's a long-term close friend, how on earth can it be embarrassing for either of you if you say "sorry, I'm in the middle of X/just popping out"?

Spicemonster - you don't wear pants all the time ???????????????????

Agree that phoning ahead suggests that you need to be entertained. if I answer the dorr to a popper inner and I'm heading out, i just say so 'Lovely to see you - got 5 minutes and then got to dash to pick up the kids...'

Another question - if you aren't a popper inner or you don't like popper inners, do you actually see many people ?

i wouldn't be embarassed if I turned up and was told to go away again!
why would I be? as a popper-inner you know that there is a possibility that your potential hosts may not be in, or may be busy. and thus you expect that they would let you know on arrival that it isn't a good time.
which is fine!

you don't expect them to say "oh yes, come in" and make you tea and then say "yeah we'd rather you'd call next time"

THAT'S embarassing