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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To feel a bit put out at friends telling me, at the end of my impromptu visit, that they 'like to be telephoned before anyone pops in'?

500 replies

Scrumplet · 25/05/2009 19:22

I'd understand if we'd turned up planning to stay for hours. But DS and I were in the area, and it would have seemed rude not to pop in for 10 minutes, IYSWIM. So we did, and they welcomed us in, and we chatted for 10 minutes in the garden - and then they said, "We prefer visitors to call before they pop in." They were washing up when we arrived.

Anyhow, I feel like a dog with its tail between its legs. I don't mind (in fact, rather like) friends descending on us for brief, impromptu visits - but that's me, I suppose. Were we being unreasonable to just pop in for a few minutes, unannounced?

OP posts:
Blush21 · 09/03/2022 12:14

I’m with your friend. Not rude at all of you to just pop by out I’d prefer a ‘we’re in the area are you around for us to pop in for a cuppa?’ Text. Gives me time to make sure I’m dressed etc and the house doesn’t smell like last night cooking etc. just the polite thing to do

WTF475878237NC · 09/03/2022 12:18

I also think times have changed with so many of us working from home.

pickingdaisies · 09/03/2022 12:22

[quote blinder]@Moomoo75 the people still berating you probably haven’t even read the thread themselves, including your previous apology, have ignored the comment by MNHQ, and also are re-vivifying this thread by posting on it! I think it’s funny. Don’t worry about it.[/quote]
I think it's funny too - especially even after pages of pile-on posts, people are still answering the original OP. (Don't worry about it Moomoo75, we'll all cope Grin )

PandemicAtTheDisco · 09/03/2022 12:22

I think the hosts gave clear signs they were busy and not open to guests. The unwelcome visitors didn't pick up the hints so had to be told.

We are all different. Just because some people are happy to be interrupted by unexpected callers doesn't mean everyone is. I think it's a lot about being aware and tolerant of the differences and not believe your way is the only way.

I used to not mind unexpected visitors (they never pop in for just 10 minutes!) but now I demand they call and ask beforehand. I have poor health now and am more anti-social when ill. I have one friend who won't call beforehand so now she isn't allowed to come in if it's not been arranged. She doesn't like this at all but her visits got too much.

hazandduck · 09/03/2022 12:35

@nitsandwormsdodger

You can do loads with 10 min warning I would rearrange my face if I’d been crying Check loo for skiddies Put clothes on Spray fabreze if I’ve been farting baby nappies in bin Kick milkman out the back door
Best to do list ever 😂
2bazookas · 09/03/2022 12:38

Some people are always up for an unexpected visit.

Some aren't. Your friends are in the latter group.

What's hard to understand about that and what has it got to do with washing up?

vapourtrail · 09/03/2022 12:46

I might try and resurrect a thread from 2009 on the other topic that people on Mumsnet take VERY seriously - The frequency of changing bed sheets. I'm planning a nice little series of bar charts depicting Mumsnet Attitudes Through The Ages.

blinder · 09/03/2022 12:53

@vapourtrail I just found out about coverless duvets. Rocked and shaken.

CinematicNightScenes · 09/03/2022 13:02

I prefer to know in advance if possible. I work from home, odd hours and people just arriving can make life difficult as I can't just drop things. I would never dream of saying anything though and would welcome you in. On reflection I would also probably be happy to see you - glad you made the effort (rather than being in the area and not contacting at all).

If it was very dear, old friends - less of a problem as I would know they would take me as they find me etc.

I think it is just the unexpected nature of it - you are in the middle of something, unprepared, had the time allocated for something else etc. It throws people off.

NinjaQueen · 09/03/2022 13:10

I hate people popping in, I work all week so we re usually busy at the weekends.

My step mum just pops in randomly at the weekend and quite often we will be getting ready to go out and she still insists on coming in and having a leisurely cuppa. I feel so rude telling her we are on our way out and she gets comfortable saying oh but I wont be here long. The amount of times we have been late because she does that. She doesn't knock either, just walks in which I don't mind when but gives less chance to turn her away.

Babyvenusplant · 09/03/2022 13:14

Sometimes if you Google a particular issue these threads pop up on the search results

Thats probably how most people end up posting on them without realising their really old

NewtoHolland · 09/03/2022 13:15

I hate unnanounced visitors. .
It's OK and healthy to have boundaries.

Babyvenusplant · 09/03/2022 13:15

They are*

ikeepseeingit · 09/03/2022 13:47

They probably should have worded it a little more tactfully but I don't think they were trying to be rude. It's something THEY need for themselves. It's not a you problem. What you did was normal, they just have different needs.

Thewindwhispers · 09/03/2022 13:50

Yabu. If you have each others mobile numbers, you should have phoned on the way over to check if it was a good time. If you don’t have each phone numbers then you aren’t a close enough friend to drop in 😬

I used to have a friend who kept doing this. Is bloody annoying when you’re having sex on Sunday afternoon and someone starts bellowing through the letterbox “It’s meeeeeeeee!”

Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat · 09/03/2022 13:58

I absolutely hate people calling in unannounced but I would have sucked it up and been more polite.

Would much prefer a text or a quick call beforehand to check it's okay.

FlibbertyGiblets · 09/03/2022 14:01

@Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat

I absolutely hate people calling in unannounced but I would have sucked it up and been more polite.

Would much prefer a text or a quick call beforehand to check it's okay.

Hello @Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat Can I please ask why you chose to not read the full thread? Thank you.
Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat · 09/03/2022 14:24

@FlibbertyGiblets

What?

Who are you, the Thread Police?

Drinkingallthewine · 09/03/2022 15:21

[quote blinder]@vapourtrail I just found out about coverless duvets. Rocked and shaken.[/quote]
WHAT???

What kind of witchcraft is this??

blinder · 09/03/2022 15:44

@Drinkingallthewine you just … wash them. They get 5 star reviews. You never change another duvet cover Shock

blinder · 09/03/2022 15:45

Someone mentioned them in a thread about robot hoovers. This is why I come to Mumsnet.

Febrier · 09/03/2022 16:11

Jesus Christ - people who drown puppies and punch pensioners get less hassle than this! It’s just an old thread. Click your back button, look at another thread instead and MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

You ok hun?

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 09/03/2022 16:15

Hi all,

If anyone received an email from us about this thread, please could you forward it over to us at [email protected] so we can take a look?

Erinyes · 09/03/2022 16:21

@LilyMumsnet

Hi all,

If anyone received an email from us about this thread, please could you forward it over to us at [email protected] so we can take a look?

The mystery thickens.
ShirleyPhallus · 09/03/2022 16:26

@LilyMumsnet

Hi all,

If anyone received an email from us about this thread, please could you forward it over to us at [email protected] so we can take a look?

Ooooh now this is interesting
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