To feel a bit put out at friends telling me, at the end of my impromptu visit, that they 'like to be telephoned before anyone pops in'?

[Scrumplet]

I'd understand if we'd turned up planning to stay for hours. But DS and I were in the area, and it would have seemed rude not to pop in for 10 minutes, IYSWIM. So we did, and they welcomed us in, and we chatted for 10 minutes in the garden - and then they said, "We prefer visitors to call before they pop in." They were washing up when we arrived.

Anyhow, I feel like a dog with its tail between its legs. I don't mind (in fact, rather like) friends descending on us for brief, impromptu visits - but that's me, I suppose. Were we being unreasonable to just pop in for a few minutes, unannounced?

MrsM, do you always have enough food on the go for an unspecified number of guests?

The Year Of The Cat - mwahhhhhhhh has he caved in yet?? LOL I bet he does as the prospect of you telling her would, surely, be farrrrr worse!!

If you are one of my very good friends, then pop all you like - you will, of course, get treat like a piece of the furniture, you'll be comfy making a coffee & raiding the fridge as I am at yours...but if you are a parent or PIL, or someone else who requires a bit more 'effort' then please book in your effort requiring visit

Scrumplet, perhaps they had something important to discuss after the washing up, iyswim...don't be offended. I hate poppers in, in a way, but if they only do it once a year I am usually very pleased

It's only if they keep doing it!

Scrumplet - YANBU - IMO he was really rude. If he felt he absolutely HAD to say something, he could have done it far more politely and less 'hurtfully'.

I don't really 'pop in' on anyone at the moment as I've fairly recently moved and so all my friends are no longer within 'popping in' distance and I don't feel I know anyone here well enough to just 'pop in' yet (might never according to the other posts here!!).

My Mum had a key to my place for a while, I wont be doing that again - she drove me NUTS just letting herself in all the time, whether I was there or not.... felt like the place had to look like something out of 'House and Garden' all the time (well, at least all the 'fun' stuff put away , just in case!

I dont like popper inners BUT I think its MY problem IYSWIM.

I dont think they are doing anything wrong, I think I am a bit odd and should loosen up.

Its just that if anyone pops in all I can think about is how disgusting my house is, I havnt done the washing up, it might smell of dogs, I havnt got any bisuits in etc etc etc.

So I feel all uncomfortable instead of enjoying seeing my lovely friends.

I mean, why waste all that money paying for caller display when MIL people just call round anyway?

But with everyone having mobiles these days, why wouldn't you ring or text to say you're nearby and could you pop in? Even 5 minutes' notice is better than nothing. I am usually OK with a call/text that lets me know someone'll be on the doorstep in 15 mins, as that allows me to stash the worst of the mess, and stop anything embarrassing being revealed...It's not like it's much trouble to give them a quick warning.

We are getting electric gates installed next week (with video). Ha ha. That will put a stop to popper inners .

OP - sorry for the hijack. I would have been embarrassed too - it sounds like the husband dealt with it really badly. Do you think you can recover things when you next see them by making a joke, and saying how embarrassed you were - you hope they hadn't been shagging?

I'm far too busy to able to accommodate popper inners. Sorry but I'm sprinting about most days, trying to get everything done. I need others to show me the consideration of giving me some notice of their impending visit. It's not much to ask. Common courtesy and certainly not a symptom of a decline in society or anything daft like that.

I'm the same Chegirl! I love to see friends and family but must admit I appreciate a bit of notice, even just 15 mins! My parents popped in unexpectedly last week, was lovely to see them but I did think, "today of all days!" My dh had taken the dc's to school, (happens quite rarely as normally he has to start work so early). As he'd taken them in and was then going straight to work, it gave me an extra hour in the morning.

Once they'd all left I decided to have a good clean of our en-suite bathroom, not before time! Tiles needed scrubbing, showerhead descaling, floor needed a good clean etc, so I stayed in my pj's and just got on with it.

Around 11.30 am the doorbell rang, by that time I'd just about finished, was about to shower, dress and tackle the mountain of washing up from breakfast, empty bins and clear away toys, we'd just had a very busy weekend. Anyway, looked out and my parents' car was outside, they were peering in and could obviously see lights on so I had no option but to open the door!

Picture the scene, me still in pj's at nearly lunchtime, not a square inch of kitchen worktop to be seen underneath all the breakfast chaos, toys everywhere, I was !

Made them coffee and biscuits though and chatted for an hour, with my mum every so often hinting, "Hmm, you seem in a muddle, I could come round any time while you're at work and clear the decks for you, when do you normally get dressed, school picking up time will come round very quick you know, I'd get cracking if I were you!" Told her I now had an immaculately clean en-suite but this didn't seem to have any bearing!

FGS, I'm always dressed by 7.30 am, take dc's to school and go straight to work, this was the one day I didn't have to and I got caught on the hop, typical! Although I like a bit of notice, I do agree that the OP's hosts were very rude though, I just couldn't come out and say that!

onethepier my worst nightmare!

Poor you. Now you will be forever thought of as the 'scatty one' by your family. In your PJS at lunch time - horrors!

I hate it if people 'pop' in on us. I don't do it to others, I always call first and I prefer potential visitors to call me first. DH and I like to make the most of any time we get without teenagers around ( iyswim) and therefore times when people think they can 'pop in' are often times when we are otherwise engaged. Because they see the car on the drive they just stand there until one of us answers the door. It can get very annoying!

Thankfully, most people who know us well, know we prefer to know in advance of someone calling in.

I hate popper inners too. YAB abit U

I am going to follow year of the cat's top idea, embellish it somewhat, and get an electric fence installed

Bella - yet another bill for laptop repair on its way.

Message withdrawn

Maybe you had just interrupted a domestic and thence the comment as she was frosty and perhaps carrying over a mood to you. I imagine I would do that as I find it hard to switch off ,nsame with PMT it ca make me say rude things to people that might have an element of truth but not heartfelt.

I hate, hate, hate popperinners. It may only be for 10mins, but I get 3 or 4 popperinners a day.

That is seriously disruptive to my day. I'm bf DS, and will often have to quickly stash the norks to answer the door. DD often gets woken up from her nap by someone hammering on the door.

I have taken to keeping the curtains closed and pretending to be napping myself.

FIL is the worst. Comes round, says wildly inappropriate things to the DCs, expects a constant stream of tea and biscuits, then buggers off at 4:45pm without fail. ("Must go now, my dinner will be on the table").

Feel like screaming "Well I haven't even had a fucking chance to get to the shops to buy mine yet, never mind cook it"

Grr, rant over.

So yes, YABU

When I was very busy with tiny children (as opposed to being quite busy with bit bigger children) I hated being popped in on. If I was at home it was because I had stuff to do and I really begrudged 1/2 hr sitting to have tea when I was meant to be making baby food/stripping beds/putting washing away. I only have one friend who does it and she used to turn up at 5pm to kill time before picking her children up from afterschool clubs. The children were much smaller then and it was a real pain (I'd hide from the car, but they were noisy and gave me away).

PuppyMonkey: "I think the way you say "but this has never come up before" is quite telling. Perhaps they're sick to death of you just turning up and they could take no more of it." I said in an earlier post that this hasn't come up before, because I haven't popped in like this before, impromptu. Usually, we plan regular evening get-togethers - often at my house, because I have DS and they are child-free. I'm often settling DS when they arrive and they know to let themselves in and help themselves to a drink. It's a pretty informal friendship, so I was just surprised by their rather deadpan request earlier on.

I'm surprised, TBH, at how many (the majority) of MNers would prefer even a close friend/neighbour/family member to call first before popping in. For longer visits, and with people who aren't so close, I get it. But hey, it really does seem to be each to their own with this. Thanks for all the posts. This thread has been an education: I now know to call before visiting most friends ... maybe I've pissed a few others off and they don't want to say?!

Scrumplet - I have been thinking about times when people have popped in - tbh there are times when people have called unexpectedly, and has been a wonderful surprise - but those are the times when I have been dressed, in no rush to go anywhere, they are not maternally related to one's DH, etc

I think there is a tendency (certainly for me) to forget those occasions, and to only remember the times I have been in a rush, unshowered, in the middle of a row, fraught with children etc, and so I would tend to say I prefer people not to pop-in.

Having said that, even for close family & friends, I prefer a quick, 'we are in the neighbourhood - does it suit?' call.

I bet your friends are mid-row at the moment about how rudely the husband dealt with it.