To feel a bit put out at friends telling me, at the end of my impromptu visit, that they 'like to be telephoned before anyone pops in'?

[Scrumplet]

I'd understand if we'd turned up planning to stay for hours. But DS and I were in the area, and it would have seemed rude not to pop in for 10 minutes, IYSWIM. So we did, and they welcomed us in, and we chatted for 10 minutes in the garden - and then they said, "We prefer visitors to call before they pop in." They were washing up when we arrived.

Anyhow, I feel like a dog with its tail between its legs. I don't mind (in fact, rather like) friends descending on us for brief, impromptu visits - but that's me, I suppose. Were we being unreasonable to just pop in for a few minutes, unannounced?

I have to admit I hate people coming over unannounced, if you're expecting to come over the threshold even for a quick chat just drop someone a text, it takes 2 minutes to ask if it's convenient for them instead of assuming your convenience is the only important factor. What if I'm doing housework, on my way out, tired/not feeling well/having a lazy day? Just because I'm in the house doesn't mean I'm not busy or that I'm always ready to host. Good for them for being direct, surely you'd rather your friends were honest.

@Febrier

Jesus Christ - people who drown puppies and punch pensioners get less hassle than this! It’s just an old thread. Click your back button, look at another thread instead and MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

You ok hun?

Fine - just frustrated that certain people are acting like opening an old thread is only mildly less distressing than a terminal diagnosis.

@LilyMumsnet

Hi all,

If anyone received an email from us about this thread, please could you forward it over to us at [email protected] so we can take a look?

Have done so @LilyMumsnet

[quote Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat]@FlibbertyGiblets

What?

Who are you, the Thread Police?[/quote]
No. Was curious is all. Crikey, defensive much?

Nevermind, just saw how old this is.

2009, people. It's all sorted (or not) many years ago.

Also they could have been just in from work, eating dinner or even having a heated argument. Times have changed now in so many ways and especially since Covid and people been stuck at home.

I am always happy to see people and think they were incredibly rude to say that to you. But I grew up with folk in and out if each other's houses which being on MN has taught me is beyond the pale

@BOOTS52

Covid?

In 2009

Don't think so.

@WomanStanleyWoman

It isn’t ‘the best form’ to act like a patronising cow either, but that doesn’t seem to be stopping you.

I didn't insult the OP, but you felt it perfectly fine to call me a "patronising cow". Ironic.

I don’t think you understand irony.

@jenwyn

Yanbu I prefer impromptu visits myself and sometimes will drop in on friends-but only at reasonable times of the day.If they were washing up then obviously that was a great time.And you didnt even cross their precious threshold They were just being plain rude .

Just because they were washing up doesn't make it a good time!

People like to have a quick tidy round etc before someone arrives, so just want a bit of notice!

@WomanStanleyWoman

I don’t think you understand irony.

Oh, thanks for letting me know. I'll look it up.

Yeah I’d want advance warning too. I work work from home.

Ahhhh 2009 back when Facebook was king of social media. Blackberry was the go to phone. Before one direction and little mix. Did not even know Mumsnet existed so long ago. So to clarify -
2009 slightly more reasonable to turn up unannounced due to less people having mobile phones/internet. No pandemic.
2022 - No way!!

@Sassybeast

Fot those of you who don't like popper inners, can i ask waht you do in the 10 minutes between someone calling to say they are going to be popping in and them actually arriving ? Cos you can't exactly do a LOT in those 10 minutes if your house is a tip ?

Gives you an opportunity to say no...

If i am honest it depends how I feel about the popper.
I have a native I don't really like much, inoffensive but a bit annoying. When he pops in a grit my teeth and think how unreasonable they are. . If I clock its him at the door, I pretend not to be in😳.
Folk I like, I am delighted to have pop in any old time. I positively like it.

@montysma1

If i am honest it depends how I feel about the popper. I have a native I don't really like much, inoffensive but a bit annoying. When he pops in a grit my teeth and think how unreasonable they are. . If I clock its him at the door, I pretend not to be in😳. Folk I like, I am delighted to have pop in any old time. I positively like it.

Yep, gotta keep the natives out

@Sassybeast
Fot those of you who don't like popper inners, can i ask waht you do in the 10 minutes between someone calling to say they are going to be popping in and them actually arriving ? Cos you can't exactly do a LOT in those 10 minutes if your house is a tip ?
Have an option to say no.
Give a time that suits you/family.
Option to arrange another time etc.

Weird for people saying "they were only washing up"..... That could have been the last thing to do before finally slumping on the sofa after a hectic day or week.
It's like saying, they were only resting, only sitting in the garden etc, it doesn't mean they are free to have visitors at a time deemed suitable by the dropper inner.
Also, some people struggle with saying no, which is harder to do when someone is at your door.

@Sassybeast
Fot those of you who don't like popper inners, can i ask waht you do in the 10 minutes between someone calling to say they are going to be popping in and them actually arriving ? Cos you can't exactly do a LOT in those 10 minutes if your house is a tip ?

Mentally prepare?

Brush hair
Put proper clothes on
Compose yourself if you were in the middle of an argument/bickering with spouse
Hide anything incriminating/embarrassing/ not for public viewing (off top of my head... period pants on radiator?)
Say ‘sorry we’re busy let’s do xxx’

Fot those of you who don't like popper inners, can i ask waht you do in the 10 minutes between someone calling to say they are going to be popping in and them actually arriving ? Cos you can't exactly do a LOT in those 10 minutes if your house is a tip ?

I could turn off all the lights, draw all the curtains and say I’m not in.

@WomanStanleyWoman

Fot those of you who don't like popper inners, can i ask waht you do in the 10 minutes between someone calling to say they are going to be popping in and them actually arriving ? Cos you can't exactly do a LOT in those 10 minutes if your house is a tip ?

I could turn off all the lights, draw all the curtains and say I’m not in.

They could have been in the middle of an argument or other discussion. I hate it when people just call over. It's very controlling because the other person has no choice in the matter. It's a way to manage a relationship to avoid getting rejected. It's much harder to say 'no, I'm watching Corrie, I only saw you 3 days ago' to someone's face. Many people just endure the unexpected visit.
I guess the person dropping in unannounced is doing it to fulfill their need for company and its their agenda. They are oblivious to the other person's needs or wants.

Zombie thread!!!