The silliest thing YOU have said during in labour/childbirth

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Me when i went into labour with ds1, I phoned my mum in tears telling her

"I'm not ready to do this yet, I don't want to do it today"

i said in a shocked wonderment sort of voice...

"oh my goodness, i think something is coming out"

5 minutes later DS was born.

i never normally speak like that. the midwife said it was the most polite delivery she had ever attended... i kept asking my friend (who was birth partner for me) if SHE was ok?!!!!

This thread is sooooo funny. PSML.

I had an elective CS and afterwards when they were sorting me out ready to go to recovery, the screen had been lowered and I kept asking them whose legs I could see. Told them they couldn't possibly be mine as mine were flat on the bed and the leg I could see was bent. It took them a while to convince me they were mine.

Drugs do strange things to us all........

Keep 'em coming - they're great.

After 31 hours of labour with ds1 the Consultant came in to the delivery room and said "I'm just going to put my finger in your back passage to see what's happening"...I replied "Stick your fucking finger where you like, just get this baby out of me". No-one batted an eyelid.

In labour with ds2 a doctor was about to put a cannula in my hand when I told him to stop and questioned the amount of sleep he'd had before he did anything to me as I'd seen plenty of tv programmes about doctors making terrible mistakes through lack of sleep. My excuse...it was about 5am and I'd had lots of gas and air!

I kept asking DH why the midwife hated me and what I had ever done to her!

To be fair she did tell me that I couldn't have any more pain relief as I had had my paracetamol!!!! and I was in active labour at the time - something she failed to spot!

With DS I started crying that I wanted to go outside and pick up horse chestnuts off the ground. The midwife smirked and said 'go on then' hmm I did try but I couldn't get off the bed lol

This is more what DP did that what I said...I had a home waterbirth and after reading all the threads on MN sent DP off to get a sieve (amoungst other things) in preparation. He bought back a really really huge one (I was thinking..wtf?? but thought it was quite sweet of him so said nothing)
It was only when I got into the pool and my waters broke and I started to push that he realised the sieve was for bits of placenta and poo and not to fish the baby out with!

'Buffy says its going to be alright'

Between 3 minute contractions in the bath - I kept falling asleep then waking up and I couldnt tell the difference between the two.

Oh and 'yes you can put the foetal monitor scalp thingy on ds' head' - that was a bloody silly thing to say though I was off my face at the time.

"dont let me hold your hand"!!!!

(i nearly broke my dp's hand during my first labour so i decided him to stay at the end of the bed!)

(he stayed there at the end of the bed nearly all thru the 2nd labour)

I said as ds was crowning that id changed my mind and didn't want to do this anymore because it 'hurts too much'

With DD1 I went into hospital as waters broke at 32 weeks. Had steroids and drugs to stop contractions when they started - and went to delivery ward so I would have 1-1 MW.

Went to loo before they strapped the monitor back on. On leaving bathroom, turned back and went back to toilet. MW called through if I was ok - "yes, just need to do a poo so thought I would do it before the monitor has to go back on"

MW - "can I just check - oh, the [drugs] haven't worked I can see the head.

Me -" oh, not a poo then?"

Also, when DD1 arrived, I had been on my knees "where is it? what is it"

Then with DD2 waters went again - at 35 weeks. Into hospital - lots of checking but nothing happening. Consultant talking about sending me home. Literally, 3 contractions and I am saying "I'm crossing my legs to hold it in."

Another quick labour - 20 minutes.

N9ot having any more - it would end up being born on the kitchen floor as they get quicker each time.

Brilliant thread! Apparently I said 'its not Ronan Keatings fault he can't dance', amongst some other real bizarre ranting. Gas and air. Marvellous stuff.

Lol

'I think I could do this.'

I think I must have been on different gas and air to the rest of you no strange rantings from me, although I said to DH, 'I'm lowing like a cow' (I was) and he kept repeating it to everyone for months afterwards. Not an image of yourself you want anyone but your nearest and dearest to have.

These are great, my first ds was stuck and he was delivered by the consultant who was trying to talk to me so I told him to wait because the gas and air was good stuff and I should have abit more suck first ! (then the ventoose came off and all the bits went flying all over the blinds and the consultant (yuk))

During my ds2, the anaethnatist told me he couldnt get the needle in because I was too bony, so I told him I loved him and that he should come back and see me again as I had never been told I was bony for years (and I mean years!)

This is the best thread ever and totally hillarious! I am going to come back to it and read every page.

Anyway, with my third, three months ago all VERY fast (as opposed to DAYS with the first two) I shouted;

"Urrrgghh! Ring of Fire! RING OF FIIIIIIREEEE!!" (Supressed mirth all round. Apart from me.)

"Why has my daughter got one of those?!"

I kept asking for Pernod with DD1 (i was a young mum), the midwife looked very perturbed when i kept crying to my mum - "I want pernod" Pernod was my dog!

Gas and air is great - although i did tell the midwife to take her finger out of my arse in no uncertain terms