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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The silliest thing YOU have said during in labour/childbirth

221 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/05/2009 10:13

Me when i went into labour with ds1, I phoned my mum in tears telling her

"I'm not ready to do this yet, I don't want to do it today"

OP posts:
onadietcokebreak · 17/05/2009 11:41

I was still on the pre delivery ward and I knew my DS was coming and I was pushing.Eventually they took me up to delivery just to shut me up. they said it was a still not established labour and I felt this way cos he was back to back.

After my mum and DP went to make phone calls as the midwife wanted to give me an enema to relive the pressure then suddenly realised as I started stripping off and went on all fours that that yes I was right...the babys head was crowning......cue me wailing " See I told you I was pushing but no one beleived me..."

My mum and DP just made it back to see my son being born.

mustrunmore · 17/05/2009 11:41

On gas and air 'ooo it feels like being very pissed but without wanting to shag anyone'

Monkeyandbooba · 17/05/2009 11:44

Wailing "I'm not giving birth on dry land" when the MW told me I might not make it in time for the pool

To the MW who had been practicing for 20 yrs: "What do you know about birth anyway?" when same MW insisted I would give birth within the hour (in fairness I had ;laboured for 28hrs with DD so was not expecting it to take only 2.5hrs with DS!)

Habbibu · 17/05/2009 11:49

A very experienced midwife friend had an epidural during the birth of her son. She decided that she was fed up, and wasn't going to push - so she just pretended - made the face and everything, but with no physical effort at all! She has many tales of being the worst PITA that any delivery suite could hope for...

mwff · 17/05/2009 11:53

well if you really think breaking my waters will help...

musicposy · 17/05/2009 11:57

I'm glad I'm not the only one who announced I was going home - about half an hour before DD2 was born, in that awful transition bit - I started really shouting "That's it, I've had enough of this, I'm going home! I'm going home NOW!" I did actually try to get up and leave and the midwife had to be very firm with me. Heaven only knows why I thought it wouldn't hurt if I was at home!

MoominMymbleandMy · 17/05/2009 12:06

I whimpered: "Can we go home now? I don't want to do this any more."

I had been begging for an epidural for several hours by then, but did I really think it would stop if I left!

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 17/05/2009 12:19

LOL I too am so glad I am not alone in the wanting to go home lol

OP posts:
Sibh · 17/05/2009 12:29

In my third labour I kept a Zen-like calm for ages, and went through each pain in silence ..

Until I reached transition, when it suddenly seemed a brilliant idea to calm myself down when each contraction started by starting to recite 'The Tiger Who Came for Tea':

'One day, Sophie and her mummy were having tea in the kitchen, when suddenly' etc.

Then when DD2 crowned I suddenly screeched: 'Bloody hell, the head is huge.'

phdlife · 17/05/2009 12:35

lol at all you "can I go home now" ppl. I was the opposite - 2nd time round I had a v fast 1st stage and when my dsis (coming to look after my ds, but also a MW) arrived, yelled at her that I didn't want to get in the bloody car! Later she said that was her first clue I was already in transition. After about 20 mins of contractions...

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 17/05/2009 12:41

Phd, with ds2, we had just moved into our flat that day and popped to my sisters where i had a glass of wine. We came back I was sitting at the dining table arguing with aol when my waters broke, i called dp to bring a towel what did he bring?? a TEA TOWEL!!! he thought i had spilt a drink lol. he and ds1 then got my bag to the front door, by which time i had had a wash down and changed clothes. he kindly and sweetly said come on darling lets get in the car, to which i screamed fcuk the car get me an ambulance. Paramedics turned up in a matter of minutes sked me if i was ok i said yes, i don't feel like pushing, one asked are you sure, i said yeah i am fine oh fcuk i wanna push now, and he said I am not surprised i asked cos the babies head is crowning. they arrived at 21.06 and at 21.11 they handed me ds2 who was the tiniest dinkiest baby i had seen...having arrived a month early.

OP posts:
muggglewump · 17/05/2009 12:43

"I don't want a baby any more, I've changed my mind", and then I went on to swear at the midwife who told me I had to have a baby and I had to have it now.

My ex dp said to the MW, "Why is her puke green"?, when I had just thrown up for the millionth time.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 17/05/2009 12:46

lmao muggle

OP posts:
slackrunner · 17/05/2009 12:50

'Give me morphine, NOW'

FAQinglovely · 17/05/2009 13:03

me at the top of my voice as I was pushing with DS3 (timed perfectly for someone coming into the room so it echoed down the corridor to the reception etc)

"I'm going to get PILES"

sockmonkey · 17/05/2009 13:09

Me"I've just got to go for a poo" Climbing down from bed
MW "Oh, no...that's the baby's head, you need to stay there and push"
Me "I AM NOT PUSHING UNTIL I GET AN EPIDURAL!!!"
MW "It's too late for that"
Me "But you promised"

Overmydeadbody · 17/05/2009 13:12

I screached at the midwife to "get your bloody hand out of me now!!" when DS's head was crowning. Needless to say her hand wasn't anywhere near me I then reached down to pull what I thought was har hand away only to feel DS slipping out

southeastastra · 17/05/2009 13:13

i said 'can i go home now' straight after my c-section. was in hospital for weeks and desperate to go home. consultant didn't get my 'joke'.

bigbang · 17/05/2009 13:21

I dilated very quickly so the contractions were very intense. I was screaming in pain but insisted to everyone that this wasn't proper labour yet, they were making a fuss over nothing. I refused massage, gas and air etc for ages because I said I wanted to save them for when the proper contractions started. Midwife and dp were giving each other looks.

katiestar · 17/05/2009 17:51

As my 4th child slid out of me I sat up looked at her and said with genuine surprise said 'Oh it's a baby !'

katiestar · 17/05/2009 17:53

Sorry last one doesn't make sense unless I tell you I had been in labour for 24 hours so not exactly sudden and was off of my head as dose of pethidine had just taken effect

TitsalinaBumsquash · 17/05/2009 17:55

I did the classic,

MW "Tits you have to push"

TBS - " NO i don't want to!, DP can you do it for me? It really huuuuuuurts!"

I also turned into a spoilt brat when the MW was talking to me.

MW "Tit's you need to push your baby out now it's getting distressed."

TBS "You know what MW? Why don't you do it yourself, your just being really unfair"

I had to find her to apologise afterwards.

treedelivery · 17/05/2009 17:57

'I am not in labour at all I'm just having a big shit and you're all stupid'

Or words to that effect.

TitsalinaBumsquash · 17/05/2009 17:58

My family came to visit me a few hours after i had DS1 i had poisend myself with the gas and air and had a really bad reaction to it so i was as high as a kite and really delerious.

Sister - "hello sweetheart how are you?"

TBS - "I had a baby don't you know?"

Sister " yes you did, he's gorgeous"

TBS - Oh do you think so? i kinda think he looks like a sleeping monkey, but don't tell DP he lloks like the baby....." (i thought i was whispering, but i was being really loud!)

treedelivery · 17/05/2009 18:00

Gas and air is ace. I giggled and asked for a G&T.