Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The silliest thing YOU have said during in labour/childbirth

221 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/05/2009 10:13

Me when i went into labour with ds1, I phoned my mum in tears telling her

"I'm not ready to do this yet, I don't want to do it today"

OP posts:
Greensneeze · 19/05/2009 22:00

GET IT OUT OF ME

in my defence, I do have the most extravagantly appalling birth story......[refrains]

usernamechanged345 · 19/05/2009 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lillypie · 19/05/2009 22:07

Midwife - lilly push you are going to deliver the head

Me- I told you I'm not doing it PUT IT BACK IN!!!

she did have a very big head.

Twims · 19/05/2009 22:19

Peachy does your DH still have his battle scars

ChocFudgeCake · 19/05/2009 22:31

When they told me that I had a bad tear and needed to have stitches, I asked if they could do cross-stitches as I liked them very much.

Gingeme · 19/05/2009 22:38

' Never again' as ds1's head was crowning. That was 15 years and 5 babys ago

merlinthehappypig · 19/05/2009 23:02

As my DC1's head was crowning a wasp flew in through the window. Cue me leaping off the bed and shouting "Get that fucking wasp out of this room. I am not giving birth with a fucking wasp in here." After much persuading, (and a dire need for more gas and air), I got back in position but only after saying to my DH, "That wasp is in my pillow, I know it is. Get that fucking wasp out of my pillow."

With DC2 tthe MW said to me "You're being very calm". I replied, "Wait until later, I'll be a nightmare."

Later as I am in transition phase I suddenly feel very sleepy -
Me: "I need to have a little sleep now. If I just have a little sleep then I'll be OK to push it out in a bit."
MW: "Merlin, do you feel like you need to push? I need you to open your legs and let me examine you."
Me: "No, I'm fine thanks." (Trying very hard not to push and holding legs firmly together).
MW (holding my face in her hands): "Merlin, I think you need to push don't you? You need to open your legs and let me have a look."
Me: "Noooooooooooooooooooooo!"
10 minutes later and my DS was born, (phew).

dee0468 · 21/05/2009 17:58

I had an emergency c section with a general with my 1st and the 1st thing I remember saying was Do I have a baby? The baby was of course in a cot by my bed. A friend in a similar sitation said can someone shut thjat baby up? only to be told it was her baby.

elliepac · 21/05/2009 18:02

High in diamorphine, i told my DH to go and get me and michael bolton because i needed him to sing to me????? I have no recollection of this and DH takes great pleasure in reminding me of this from time to time!

LizzyA123 · 21/05/2009 19:39

"Don't let go!!" as I grabbed and squeezed the life out of my DH's fingers during a prolonged contraction - only to find as his hand was prised from my grasp by the MW that it actually belonged to the consultant..

maxbear · 21/05/2009 20:13

Me during contraction 'ooowwww, ooowwww oooowww, that hurts'

Me about a minute later all gas & aired up 'this is just perfect, exactly the sort of birth I wanted'

Me about a minute later, 'ooowwww oooowww'

brownbug78 · 21/05/2009 20:18

After 44 hour labour, post delivery surgery, and high on morphine for the pain, I realised I didn't know how much our DS weighed when he was born. Upon finding out he was 8lb12oz, I screamed, "I WIN!!"

Not certain why "I WON", vaguely recollect making some kind of bet that he'd weigh the same as I did and my DH did. Either that, or I felt I deserved some sort of prize for giving birth to him!

ODmummy · 21/05/2009 20:29

With DS1, high on g&a and pethedine I told DH "you can go to the supermarket now if you like repeatedly" during transition. I then became fixated on the fact my brother-in-law had borrowed a book and not given it back yet. As they were preparing to use a ventouse I was screaming "you can't do this to me" and "nooooo" "stop" etc.
With DS2 MW was trying to encourage me while pushing, saying stuff like come on you'll have your baby soon, at which point I decided I didn't want one after all!

estar · 21/05/2009 21:43

When I was in labour with DS4, my other sons had been watching a lot of Ninja Turtles.

After being awake for over 30 hours and having contractions every five minutes with nothing happening, I managed to lie down and have a rest.

I had been using a technique my friend told me about imagining candles coming towards you and blowing each one our slowly, to help with your breathing.

As I drifted in and out of sleep, with every contraction, I had a mental image of the four ninja turtles floating towards me and blowing each one away.

Eventually I woke up properly and said to DH 'I just gave birth to a ninja turtle!'

elportodelgato · 21/05/2009 21:52

not during labour but afterwards when they were doing the stitches they let me suck on g&a for about 45 mins to relieve the pain (not a good idea) I got so high I thought the woman in the next room was having a party in her delivery suite:

Me: How come the girl next door gets to have a party and 20 visitors and I only have my DH here??

MW: What?

Me: I can hear her next door having a party, they're all singing the Levellers "There's only one way of life", I can bloody hear them singing it

DH: Er no darling that must be the g&a

cheesesarnie · 21/05/2009 21:54

'i dont want a baby any more,i want a dog'

Doha · 21/05/2009 22:55

High on gas/air and Pethidine l was asked something by one of the midwives present that l had gone to school with. Everyone in the room started laughing and l had no idea what l has said.

Apparently when asked where l was now working l announced loudl ythat l worked in the local funeral undertakers.

I am a nurse....

Ode2Joy · 21/05/2009 22:59

After a traumatic first birth, I wanted everything the anaesthetist could sock me with. After repeated requests for an epidural (declined because they could see the baby's head etc etc) I was really peed off because all I had was paracetemol (and gas and air made me ill first birth so avoiding that!). In the end I said 'Couldn't you even just pretend to me that you're getting the anaethetist?'Who says you can't lie to yourself?

Well in order to keep my mind as engaged as possible during the hardest stages of labour, I had my DH read to me lists of vocab for which I would think (to myself) the German equivalent, which were to be alternated with another list of words for which I would think of the appropriate sign for (I was also learning sign language) during which he also had to had to massage my feet and not miss a beat or else I'd shout out 'NEXT ONE!' impatiently.
I also forewarned the MWs that I may pray in another language as it would help me - which I did (not German!) and VERY LOUDLY, amidst apologies for maybe doing a poo (my worst fear!) and general embarrassment about my bum being in the air for everyone to see.

Probably not as mad as some of the weird things other people have done, but probably a little odd bearing in mind I'd only had 2 paracetemol and no excuse for bizarre behaviour! The saving grace I suppose was it only lasted for a further 10 minutes and I had a lovely baby girl/monkey to cuddle!

weezl74 · 22/05/2009 08:13

I was 8cm dilated, and the contractions were doubling up, I was a complete gas guzzler, and lovely MW was trying to get me to just breathe through a contraction without the gas, because I was getting so upset when they had to change canisters!

I had failed to grasp why she was wanting to deny me the gas, so became convinced this was about NHS resources.

Convinced they wouldn't overhear me, I did a loud stage whisper to DH, 'I'll pay for it, tell them I'll pay for it, go on, I'll give them a grand a canister... I've got a cash ISA, they can have it...' and so on in this manner....

weezl74 · 22/05/2009 08:15

PS whenever I'm tight about money now (fairly frequent) DH says 'a grand a canister...!' so he can have the treat he wants

dawntigga · 22/05/2009 10:18

Apart from screaming like a banshee - or rather growling apparently! - I imagined I was trying to push a big yellow light bulb out. I didn't mention this at the time but did whilst waiting to go up to the ward after having the placenta removed

Dawn

wasabipeanut · 22/05/2009 10:22

Probably "this is shit it doesn't work" about the gas and air, before collapsing giggling onto DH and telling him quite forcefully that he should have a go.

Reubsmum · 22/05/2009 11:21

After gas and air and an epidural I told my young male doctor that he was gorgeous not something I'd usually do with my legs in stirrups!!!! Lol

muxlo · 22/05/2009 12:16

Just after Doctor had pulled dt2, and most of his (the doc's) arm, out of me:

Doc: Are you ok?
Me (in an unnaturally high and bright voice): I'm fine! Are YOU ok?

And then I threw up.

paranoidmother · 22/05/2009 13:04

My DH thought that stroking my forehead would be comforting whilst having DD - he was told in no uncertain terms that it was not having the desired effect and to remove it and hold my hand. I then trapped his hand and nearly squashed his fingers