Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The silliest thing YOU have said during in labour/childbirth

221 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/05/2009 10:13

Me when i went into labour with ds1, I phoned my mum in tears telling her

"I'm not ready to do this yet, I don't want to do it today"

OP posts:
Crackopenthebaileys · 17/05/2009 19:50

Whilst high on gas and air, the alarm on one of the machines started bleeping. I really thought it was talking to me and kept on urging dp to 'find out what it wants' 'ask it what it wants'
Also insisted I was STARVING and had a boost bar minutes after labour, which created a very lovely chocolatey bowl of puke seconds later!

moondog · 17/05/2009 19:51

Hab, that is hilarious about your friend pretending to push.
I think I did that too.Was beyond caring.Just wanted to be cut open lie a sow.

screamingabdab · 17/05/2009 19:54

With DS2. I askedif the warm gush I had felt was my waters breaking.

MW informed me with a smirk that I had pooed myself (and suggested DH go and have a look to confirm this)

stinkypants · 17/05/2009 20:00

crying with laughter over some of these - espec the one about pretending to push, also when i hold my finger up it means be quiet, and the one about the midwife's arm!!!!!
didn't say anything funny that i recall apart from virtually proposing to the lovely anaesthetist who gave me an epidural and producing a lengthy speech / rant about how everyone should have one as it was the best thing ever.

lisad123 · 17/05/2009 20:01

i remembering yelling at the doctor that kept saying she wanted me in stirrups "I cant I have SPD, are you deaf, stupid or just cant be bothetred to read my notes" in my defence the mw had already told her twice as had i!

stinkypants · 17/05/2009 20:02

oh - and at home during early stages i tried to pretend i couldn't speak during contractions, as husbands were told at ante-natal not to bring wife to hospital until this happened!!!

jerin · 17/05/2009 20:02

Ha ha love them all....

Had no pain relief for DS1. They kept telling me to push and I keep making excuses -
noooo- it's too early (i was only 32 weeks and been in hospital for suspected water infection just 40 mins)
noooo i need to wait for dp........
noooo i dont have any names yet.....

With my DTs I had gas and air and kept saying how good it was and thst I wished I'd had for DS1. Didnt get much mind-was in for only 45 mins before DT1 arrived & had GA for DT2

walkinthewoods · 17/05/2009 20:02

During the last knockings the mw suggested G&A, which was half way across the room. I was in a pool. I said 'I can't reach from here.'

screamingabdab · 17/05/2009 20:04

stinkypants Oh yes, I fell in love with the anaesthetist who did the epidural with DS2, although I did get a bit annoyed when everyone in the roomed winced and rushed to his aid when he hit his head on the overhead light while he was preparing to do the epidural.

Get on with it FFS !!

Rosebud05 · 17/05/2009 20:09

Coming up to transition, I noticed my dp getting upset (at watching me in so much pain, he told me afterwards) and being comforted by my friend. Apparently, in the middle of a contraction I shouted across the room 'Don't worry, darling. This is normal.'

FlyMeToDunoon · 17/05/2009 20:24

First birth:
Midwife-'You're doing really well'
Me-'I am not you are lying! You are a liar!'

Later, 'I can't do it. I can't do it' [whinging] then adamant with visions of getting the bus home-'I'm NOT doing it!'

Habbibu · 17/05/2009 20:32

Self-same friend who refused to push - now bear in mind she was a midwife in the same hospital - also got wheeled into another room, and asked to get on the bed. She refused point blank, leading to 2 beds, her dh, the anaesthetist, midwives etc all crammed into one very small room, trying to get this poor baby out of very very recalcitrant mother!

Habbibu · 17/05/2009 20:34

Oh - story from another MW friend - years ago, woman labouring in the bath at hosp (no birthing pools), shouting for her dh - mw rushed out and grabbed bloke lingering in the corridor, and made him grab woman's hand. Apparently it was sometime before the fact that they were complete strangers was established...

ChocOrange05 · 17/05/2009 20:40

After planning an all natural drug free homebirth in the midst of labour I desperately asked "Does an epidural take away ALL the pain?"

And I'm sure I'm not the only one who came out with "Can't you just cut it out of me" between contractions.

Professing love for the anaesthetist was also a proud moment of mine.

Paolosgirl · 17/05/2009 20:45

When I having DC3 and labour was pretty far advanced, the MW asked if she could examine me and I replied in a very inexplicably sexy voice "you can do whatever you like to me" - and I have no idea why.

I still cringe when I think about it 2 years on - DH thinks it's hysterical.

Ninkynork · 17/05/2009 20:47

Paolosgirl!

mamas12 · 17/05/2009 20:56

I also wanted to leave and go home telling everyone in the room
'okay you can carry on without me now I've had enough. ta ra!

KatPoo · 17/05/2009 21:12

During 1st birth (36 hour labour, no sleep, epidural) I started hallucinating and thought the boxes of latex gloves (with M for medium, S for small on them ) were Marks & Spencers ready meals and kept saying I'm starving, M&S caulflower cheese, M&S Tagliatelle!

During 2nd birth - I was seeing the midwives as evil people (they had not let me hae any drugs for far too long) and when eventually they gave me some pethidine I kept saying to my husband, 'don;t let HER let my pethidine run out'. . . . . I think she caould hear eveything I was saying! HA HA HA

Insanity · 17/05/2009 21:30

Me: "I really need to poo"

Midwive: "No, you dont, thats just the baby giving you that feeling."

By this point I am up off the bed, heading to the toilet and refusing to let the midwive enter the toilet with me.

Midwive: "Well, I will wait here and if you have that baby on the toilet then so be it!"

Me: (after emptying my bowels and gleefully singing the reply like a small child) "I'm pooing,I'm pooing..."

SeverusIsMySlave · 17/05/2009 21:40

lol at these stories.
after a 27 hour labour the MW told me i was fully dilated and would feel the need to push at any moment, an hour and a half later, loaded up with GA i rang the bell and told her 'i want to push' she asked if i REALLY felt the urge, i turned to DP and whispered very loudly, 'i dont really feel anything, i just got bored but dont tell her that!'

insertwittynicknameHERE · 17/05/2009 21:43

This thread has cheered me up no end

When at the very end of my 59 hour labor with DD when everyone was shouting at me to push, DH kept rubbing my back quite frantically. I shouted at him to get his fucking hands off me now or I will rip them off and throw them at him.
He had the good presence of mind to do as he was told

All I can remember is that him rubbing my back was REALLY pissing me off.

I was very but the doctor (had forceps in the end) said that she had heard much worse lol.

PolkaDotRachel · 17/05/2009 21:52

My DH kept saying "one more push" when I had only just started to push and there was clearly a long way to go!

I told him to "shut the fcuk up" and to "bugger off if he couldn't say something useful"

Thankfully he stayed but kept quiet!

muffle · 17/05/2009 21:53

At about 2am, after many hours of labour, drugged up to my eyeballs - "I don't think I can do this, I'm no good at doing stuff with my body you see. I'm shit at sport, I can't play netball at all. I'm physically useless. Except with my hands of course - I'm great with my hands. I'm good at sewing!"

And so on, and so on blether, blether, increasingly nonsensical blether - my poor midwife must have wanted to go "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

(I was right though - ended up with CS)

Habbibu · 17/05/2009 21:56

You were lucky they didn't get you to sew yourself up, muffle...

GYo · 17/05/2009 21:57

another one, afterwards whilst the mw was stitching me up on my lounge floor I took a liking to the g&a that had made me vom during labour (didn't make me sick after the birth, weird that). I was inhaling it so hard that it made my voice go weird. I told the room that I sounded like the killer in Silence of the Lambs.... That got me some odd looks.