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AIBU?

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Original poster

The silliest thing YOU have said during in labour/childbirth

221 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/05/2009 10:13

Me when i went into labour with ds1, I phoned my mum in tears telling her

"I'm not ready to do this yet, I don't want to do it today"

OP posts:
muffle · 17/05/2009 21:57

And that she didn't whip out her kit and sew my mouth up.

screamingabdab · 17/05/2009 21:58

PMSL at these.

I have just remembered that I also said "Oh Fuck not her" quite audibly when the female obstetrician who had seen me a couple of days before came in to deliver DS2.

She was a complete cow - rude to the midwife, and told me to stop making so much noise while I was in labour.

DoNotAnnoy · 17/05/2009 21:58

Well I was under teh impression (based on MW opinion) that I was NOT in labour but that the baby was kicking ligaments and causing uterine spasms.

So I said

"If this is Spasms what the F*%^ am I going to do in labour?".

To be fair I was 9cm+ dilated and I was in labour

NeedCoffee · 17/05/2009 22:05

LMAO @ all the stories on here.

After i had pethidine i thought i was in a club and asked for redbull and vodka and to put my song on

NeedCoffee · 17/05/2009 22:05

LMAO @ all the stories on here.

After i had pethidine i thought i was in a club and asked for redbull and vodka and to put my song on

NeedCoffee · 17/05/2009 22:07

I also got to ld to stop making so much noise whilst in labour with dd1, as i was 'scaring' all the other mums to be

BikeRunSki · 17/05/2009 22:08

MW on speaker phone to DH: Sounds like she's not coping. You'd better bring her in.
Me: I don't need to go to hospital, I am * coping.
DH: Stop being so d* gnarly.

DS was born by em CS less than an hour later.

With her second, my sister siad "I can't have a baby today, it's my birthday".

BananaFruitBat · 17/05/2009 22:14

To DH (at home) - Of course you can have a drink (alcoholic). I've just got a bad back.

To MW (towards the end) - Oh dear. Just get it out please.

5inthebed · 17/05/2009 22:17

With DS1, apprently, I bleated on about Winnie the Pooh for a good 2 hours . I was saying things like "Isn't it strange how all the characters have 6 letters in their names" and "Is Piglet a boy or girl, and where is his mam if he is only piglet". I can't remember any of it. The joys of G&A!

GentlyDoesIt · 17/05/2009 22:47

Urgently to kindly midwife "NO, PLEASE, PLEASE...

...DON'T PUT NORAH JONES ON AGAIN!!!!!"

DoNotAnnoy · 17/05/2009 22:50

Oh and

"do you have to put that (caunla) in whilst I am having a contraction"

Answer

"Frankly dear yes we do"

GentlyDoesIt · 17/05/2009 22:50

Also (not labour, but fanjo panic related) apparently just before going under for a D&C I chirpily announced to DH that it was all "just like being back at university" ?!?!!??

HairyMuff · 17/05/2009 22:53

As DD came out:

ME "Its a boy without a willy!"

Cue strange look from DH "Yes HairyMuff, otherwise known as a girl"

ME "Oh yes a girl! Of course a boy without a willy is a girl!"

I really have nothing to offer in my defence at this moment of numptiness other than I was 100% convinced I was having a boy.

SparklyGothKat · 17/05/2009 22:53

With Dd1 (31 weeks) I had a very fast, very intense labour, when they said I had to push I said 'no its ok, I'll keep her inside for a few more weeks' and refused to push.. until the doctor asked for the forceps, and I shouted at her 'You're NOT cutting me and putting them inside me!!!' Dd1 was born a few minutes later

FrannyandZooey · 17/05/2009 22:54

"I feel like dennis hopper"

i was off my tree on g+a at the time

Marthasmama · 17/05/2009 22:56

Is your DH Sir Thomas More Hairymuff?

HairyMuff · 17/05/2009 22:59

Sir Thomas More? Sorry, I don't geddit

LissyGlitter · 17/05/2009 22:59

hairymuff my DP went on mastermind with blackadder as his specialist subject a couple of years ago-i wish we had remembered to say that when DD was born!

DoNotAnnoy · 17/05/2009 23:01

Oh yes SGK - there is nothing like a request for teh auxillary to fetch forceps/ventoose to encourage a bit more pushing power!

After DD3 was born I said to DP "Well I guess we can't call him Joshua"

I also did all the usual cringeworthy things which you know are cringeworthy at the time but can't help yourself.

Marthasmama · 17/05/2009 23:02

Lissy is right, it's from Blackadder. I think I know that series inside out and back to front so it was the first thing I thought of!

Found this by way of explanation:

Nursie's first appearance, in which we find out that her real name is Bernard (her sisters were Donald, Eric and Basil), and in which she recalls how the Queen was first mistaken for a boy:

:"Out you popped, out of your mummie's tumkin and everybody shouting, 'It's a boy, it's a boy!' And somebody said, 'But it hasn't got a winkle!' And then I said, 'A boy without a winkle? God be praised, it's a miracle. A boy without a winkle!' And then Sir Thomas More pointed out that a boy without a winkle is a girl, and everyone was really disappointed."

HairyMuff · 17/05/2009 23:02

Oh was it in blackadder? The thing is I genuinely meant it when she came out. The midwife looked at me like I needed sectioning.

Marthasmama · 17/05/2009 23:04

Oh I wasn't suggesting otherwise Hairy, it just struck me as funny! I was shocked to see a small female monkey appear when dd was born....

LissyGlitter · 17/05/2009 23:07

I just looked, and DP is no longer on youtube being quizzed about blackadder, i would have challenged marthasmama to beat him if he was! His second round talking about the sandman series of comic books is on though. Bloody hell, I'm breeding with a geek!

Poledra · 17/05/2009 23:14

With DD2, in some considerable pain, begging DH as I held onto his hands with a death grip 'Make it stop, please stop.'
Unfortunately, the anaesthetist placing my epidural thought I meant him, so he stopped. Cue me shrieking 'No, not you, the bloody contraction.'
I am very proud of myself that I didn't cuss at him.

Marthasmama · 17/05/2009 23:21
Grin