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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"all women dream of being a bride and having a fairytale wedding day"

200 replies

mrsblanc · 06/05/2009 00:47

or something similar was said on the (otherwise excellent )prog showing Claire from Steps losing weight for her wedding.

NO THEY BLOODY DON'T

OK I feel better now.
Sorry for swearing

OP posts:
Greensneeze · 06/05/2009 00:48

lol

oh but we all need to feel like a princess for a day

[dry heave]

thumbwitch · 06/05/2009 00:50

not ALL women but a large number of women do - glad you feel better after your venting though!

Original poster
mrsblanc · 06/05/2009 00:53

look what happens when I have one small gin.
I do feel better.
Glad I am not the only insomniac

OP posts:
BettyTurnip · 06/05/2009 00:53

Hmmm, I wore a black trouser suit for my wedding (to DH). My (very glamorous) witness walked alongside me in a grey satin column dress. It looked like a lesbian wedding and I was very definitely the butch one.

Original poster
mrsblanc · 06/05/2009 00:56

Betty, I like your style.

I never ever, not for a second of my childhood or adulthood wished for that whole princess for a day thing.

I don't understand it but appreciate we are all different.I certainly don't expect the rest of the world to share my view.

So why does the myth persist that we ALL want our 'big day"

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 06/05/2009 00:58

the mere thought of having to walk through a church with hundreds of people watching frightens me to the depths of my being.

the thought of paying thousands to feed a load of people who could give a rat's arse about my happiness but just came for the party annoys me

the thought of paying a fortune for a dress i'll wear once baffles me

even contemplating the organisation involved in planning and executing a wedding makes me want to cry.

no way i'm ever doing it... dp and i are eloping abroad with the kids and doing it on the sly without telling anyone

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 06/05/2009 00:58

Basic low-level misogyny: women aren't really people, they are one homogenous mass who all want exactly the same thing (and in return for that one day of being a princess, they are expected to provide a lifetime's domestic service).

Greensneeze · 06/05/2009 00:59

I saw a woman on TV the other day (it was a clip for something) got up in a huge flouncy white satiny meringue-thing, big bouncy veil/tiara combo, deep-fried hair, make-up you could ski through, two bridesmaids inshiny horror-frocks looking white with terror, she was shrriiiieeeking at the top of her lungs

"IT'S MY DAAAAAAY!!!!"

I've never seen anybody look so strung-up, stressed out and downright unfuckinghappy in all my life

gibbberish · 06/05/2009 01:00

eh? Errr no. For some it is like a living nightmare.

MintChocAddict · 06/05/2009 01:02

LOL @ BettyTurpin
I loved my wedding day and enjoyed the planning, but do think a lot of women lose the plot when it comes to weddings.
Good on Claire from Steps - watched this tonight and enjoyed it. She looked and obviously felt great.

Original poster
mrsblanc · 06/05/2009 01:04

I have let the monster out the box.
I had no idea so many of you felt the same.

Pink, you are a woman after my own heart, and I love your new single.

Solid, I always suspected that but was scared I might be thought of as a hairy man hating feminist lesbian (only one of those is true) if I said so. Hat off to you.

Green, I THINK THAT EVER TIME I see a flouncy white bride.

I LOVE YOU ALL

MWA!

OP posts:
gibbberish · 06/05/2009 01:14

fwiw I had 350 at my wedding (17 years ago and still married) who travelled from all over the country and were put up with friends.

The entire wedding cost £250. Everyone contributed to the food. Someone supplied the wedding car. I got my dress in a sale and was given the bridesmaids dresses. We had a fab do, and had great fun playing lazer guns with all my friends on the morning of the wedding.

It was a day to remember. So many people got involved organising it and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have told my girls that a thousand pound wedding will be no better (possibly worse) than a hundred pound wedding. Would rather give them the extra money for a wedding present. Hopefully they will listen.

Shells · 06/05/2009 01:24

I'm with you all. No desire whatsoever to be 'princess for a day'. Yuck.

Original poster
mrsblanc · 06/05/2009 01:25

Gibberish that sounds fab.

I have absolutlely no problem with people who do want the big white/green/black shebang, and have enjoyed some wonderful dos in various formats.I am NOT knocking anyone's big day , however they choose to arrange it.

I just hate this myth that ALL women want their princess day , in whatever format.

There are a fair number of us with no desire whatsoever to get married at all

OP posts:
gibbberish · 06/05/2009 01:26

It's one day. Out of the rest of your life. Enjoy it but don't make it THE day. It's what comes after that is important.

Original poster
mrsblanc · 06/05/2009 01:38

gibbberish would you like some gin?

OP posts:
gibbberish · 06/05/2009 01:40

Ooooo yes please

Why do I sound like I need it?

lilacclaire · 06/05/2009 01:41

would love to have a fab dress (slinky number not a meringue) just because I like getting glammed up anyway, but the real object of the day is to get married and would rather sneak off and do it (looking glam of course) without the rest of the palava. I thought I was in a minority!
Anyway, dp needs to bloody propose first!

Original poster
mrsblanc · 06/05/2009 01:43

gibbberish, not that you need it, I just detect you would ENJOY it!

Lilac I think we are in the minority , but it is important we are heard!

OP posts:
gibbberish · 06/05/2009 01:55

Well you detect correctly, I would Slainte!

Original poster
mrsblanc · 06/05/2009 01:58

hic!

OP posts:
lavenderbongo · 06/05/2009 02:17

I wanted to wear the big dress - and I did want to walk down the isle. For me it was about standing in front of everyone and saying that this was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

It wasnt something I had "always dreamt of" - I was just lucky enough to find someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I wanted to celebrate that.

I think people get to excited about the day and all the trimmings and forget that what follows afterwards - the marriage itself - is far more important.

EachPeachPearMum · 06/05/2009 03:42

My idea of hell tbh!

qwertpoiuy · 06/05/2009 05:26

TBH, if I was to get married again I'd do a Gretna Green job.

I got married in 1996 and it was a plain affair - I'm not the sort to go through every single detail of a ceremony and wanting everything to be perfect/colour co-ordinated, but I'm amazed at the lengths and the expense brides seem to go to nowadays!

What matters most is afterwards, I am 12 years married now and love my DH more than ever.

SheDancesTheFlamingo · 06/05/2009 05:47

I had a lovely wedding. I wore a blue dress which my friend made for me as a wedding gift, the material for which cost me £1.50 a metre in the local market (it was long, but elegant - no meringue!). We got hitched in a local registry office, the gardens of which were as stunning as any "venue" and partied at a hotel, serving up a buffet to guests. We 'neglected' to mention to the hotel staff that it was a wedding, for we soon worked out that the "w" word put an instant premium on all rates.
My friends turned up in the morning to decorate and did a fab job.
On the best man's request we did away with formal speeches, just a "thanks for coming - enjoy!"
Everyone commented what a lovely, relaxed and informal day it was and all had a good time.
The only exception were my mother and brother who both remarked that they thought I was "playing down" the day for DH's benefit as he doesn't go for the big fuss.
When I queried this reasoning they pointed out that I'd always dreamed of a big, white, girly wedding.
Duh- I GREW UP!!