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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

"all women dream of being a bride and having a fairytale wedding day"

200 replies

mrsblanc · 06/05/2009 00:47

or something similar was said on the (otherwise excellent )prog showing Claire from Steps losing weight for her wedding.

NO THEY BLOODY DON'T

OK I feel better now.
Sorry for swearing

OP posts:
smurfgirl · 06/05/2009 15:37

Blingdreamer I love you - muchos competetive cheap weddings on mumsnet.

We (yes we) had a fab, big white (well ivory!) day, it cost a small fortune and it was fabulous. I loved my dress and it gave me a fab shape and was also weirdly comfortable. I enjoy dressing up nicely and I love having my hair done so it felt right for me to have all that frou frouness.

I did find the idea that everyone wants to be a skinny bride a bit in the documentary, I was not thin on our wedding day but i don't think I looked hideous or that people said I looked nice to be polite. I looked HOT on our wedding day, no princessey or queeny. HOT.

Having a big wedding doesn't mean you are a poser, or you love your DH less or that you value the wedding more than the marriage. It means you made a choice about one day and decided to have a party.

OrmIrian · 06/05/2009 16:03

I want to do it again! All of my mates have had more than one and it seems much more fun when you do it a second and third time. Less formal, more children, more booze

So we have decided that when we hit 20 yrs we are having a 'wedding party' with all our friends (not our families) and their children and various hangers-on and we will have a good old shindig, no meringue dresses, no monkey suits, no posh invites and wedding lists. Possibly fire-eaters, jugglers, bonfire, dancing, live band etc. Just to celebrate that we have a good life, good mates, we still tolerate love each other and we are damned lucky.

BigBellasBeerBelly · 06/05/2009 16:18

The only thing I do wish is that we were more into hiring dresses in this country rather than having them all new...

I want to sell mine and DH won't hear of it...

sayithowitis · 07/05/2009 00:14

I am not and never have been 'girly girly'. Of all my friends I was the one 'least likely to ....have the meringue wedding dress and the bridesmaids etc etc etc'. However, when it came to it, that is exactly what we both wanted. we saved up for it and paid for it without going into debt or relying on anybody else's financil contributions. We had a great day. We never lost sight of the fact that the marriage is the most important thing, but we wanted our dream wedding to be the start of that marriage. We must have got something right because here we are, nearly 30 years later. Still in love and still glad we had the wedding that we discovered was what we wanted!

I didn't see the programme, but surely every bride has their fairytale wedding? It's just that my fairytale is probably somebody else's nightmare and vice versa. Whatever your wedding is like, if it is what you want, then IMO, it is your fairytale wedding.

hatesponge · 07/05/2009 00:45

When I was very young, I would often draw pictures of princesses and brides...I partly blame the Princess Di effect, I was at primary school when they got married & won a prize for drawing a picture of her in her carriage........

Growing up, I always assumed I would get married, have a huge dress, massive party etc because I am a proper girly girl (& always have been) and I love to be the centre of attention - goes with the territory of being a somewhat precocious only child!

However, both my parents died when I was in my early 20's, and around that time I gave up on the idea of marriage and weddings. I never thought I would find anyone I loved enough, or that there was much point in sucha big day without my family.

Now I'm in my mid 30's, I'm getting too old for a big white-ish wedding. Also whilst I did finally find someone I could love enough to marry, it hasnt worked out like that and maybe never will. So it's probably too late for the wedding I wanted once upon a time - and the more I think that its too late, perversely the more I want it.

mrsblanc · 07/05/2009 00:54

I have just got back from work and this thread has gone mental!
Fab contributions from all.
No real controversy either.
No fights have broken out.
Is that a first?

OP posts:
midlandsmumof4 · 07/05/2009 01:16

What a wonderful thread-sorry-I haven't read it all but obviously each to their own For as long as I can remember I NEVER wanted the whole white wedding thingy. I haven't attended church since Sunday School and can't understand those who want to get married in church just for the 'pomp & glory'
I was the only one of three sisters to have a registry office wedding. Nobody-even my OH knew it was going to happen until a few days before [blush}. He was told to turn up-we actually weren't speaking on the day. We have our Silver Wedding next year and are having a very belated 'wedding reception' for everyone who missed the first .

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 07/05/2009 01:32

Oh I like weddings. As long as they are other people's. (and I do agree with whoever it was further down the thread about the competitive horsehair-tampon vibe some people have about weddings - 'Oh we got married wearing coats we stole off a tramp, had the reception in a skip and spent the honeymoon in a leper colony...')Nothing wrong with wanting to do the merinque and party-favours crap if it floats your boatm though I do find myself feeling both sympathy and exasperation for women who are going bananas over the colour of the napkins and whether Auntie Ethel will be sick in the best man's hat if there's salmon for dinner, for months.

mrsblanc · 07/05/2009 01:47

solid, I would like to nominate your contribution just there for mumsnet Post of the Year so far.

Fecking hilarious and accurate.

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 07/05/2009 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Baisey · 07/05/2009 08:47

Im afraid I had the whole shebang, large dress, fancy cars, etc. But in my defence I was 18 when I got married so pretty much still a child. (although at the time I wouldnt of thought of myself as anything other than a very mature adult lol)
If my hubby and I were to do it again it would probably be very different, most likely small church do, then fuck off to Scotland or something lol.

sleeplessinstretford · 07/05/2009 08:48

we plan to get married- i have five sisters who have all had the big old church wedding. I would like to get married in a register office with just my parents and some friends and then go for a nice lunch with our children. Then i'd like to have a big fuck off party in a church hall type thing where we all get drunk and stuff.
I have having my photo taken,I don't like wedding cake,the idea of my dad 'giving' me to someone else is something i am not comfortable with,i don't really want speeches,i would like to be married- i need some le creuset- all these are important factors in my marriage...
(i would like a proper church blessing though as I believe in all that jazz but on the other hand think it's a tad hypocritical of me to stand blushing in white with my 2 kids to different people stood by me)

HaventAClue · 07/05/2009 13:13

We got married in Vegas, just the two of us, no guests, was absolutely fab and absolutely stress free, cheap, memorable, no white dress no cake no flowers...and still the best day ever
I hate having photos taken, DH hates dancing, both hate being centre of attention in front of people we know, so did none of that
and I've never dreamt of a "dream" wedding or indeed even wanted to get married before meeting DH, we both wanted to get married but neither of us wanted to have a wedding as such

notnowbernard · 07/05/2009 13:14

To answer OP:

No, I never have and never will. Ever

GetOrfMoiLand · 07/05/2009 13:23

Had a connversation with a woman at work last week - me and DP are going to be married later this year and it is going to be very low key. I said I couldn't be arsed with the whole white dress and bouquet shenanigans and was planning to wear jeans. She looked utterly horrified. Then cue bleating conversations all afternoon with her and a couple of secretaries boasting bleating about their weddings and how much they cost.

I have been a bridesmaid once and it was boring. Plus, why does everyone in the wedding industry act as if they have had industrial strength drugs and everything is so wonderful and amazing. Can especially remember the woman in the dress shop clapping her hands with joy

jujumaman · 07/05/2009 13:28

Again, in answer to OP

No, I've never had that dream and think it's a bit late for it now.

I'm married because I believe in marriage but the whole wedding industry makes me feel as if I've been force fed 10,000 vol au vents. I can't believe how sensible women with jobs, mortgages, views on third world debt and Kylie's botox, get sucked into it, but they do.

Kathyis6incheshigh · 07/05/2009 13:30

I burst into tears when I was trying on a dress. Insane Bitch Wedding Shop Woman said, 'Ah, that means you've found The One.'
Actually it turned out it was because I was pregnant so I didn't wear a big white dress in the end after all

troutpout · 07/05/2009 13:46

@ op

MrsMerryHenry · 07/05/2009 13:51

I agree with mrsblanc. I always wanted to be married, but never, ever, ever dreamed of being a bride. As a teenager loads of my friends already knew what wedding dress they wanted, and I was always . It always seemed a fatuous waste of energy for people with too little preoccupation.

serajen · 07/05/2009 14:43

Have never, ever wanted to be married, 6 proposals (they must be mad!), would have been easy to say yes to any of them at the time in the loved up early days, but for life? Nooooo!! Obviously missing the wedding/marriage/gene

Sunshinemummy · 07/05/2009 14:51

I'm getting married later this year at the City Hall in New York. We've been together 18 years and have 2DCs so it's going to be really low key (we're in NY on the way to another wedding in Bermuda). We plan to ask some close friends if they'd like to come with us, but not expecting anyone to if they don't want to/can't make it, and I'm definitely not wearing a wedding dress, although do want something nice. We plan to have a naming ceremony for DD when we get back and have a joint party with that.

Catitainahatita · 07/05/2009 16:48

I'd like to own up to having two weddings. Neither of which were of my own devising, seeing as I am pretty much in hatred of white flouncy dresses and the whole thing.

BUT, I married a Mexican (sounds like a cheap soap really). We got married for visa reasons, but 8 years on I still have no regrets. It turned out to be a Good Thing.

His family and friends couldn't afford to come to the UK, mine couldn't go to Mexico. But for both families (for religious reasons) the marriage ceremony thing was important, so we did it to please them.
We had a civil ceremony in the UK organised by my mum, who graciously allowed me not to wear a meringue, but convinced me in to a cream evening dress, when I had picked a rather snazzy trouser suit and hat. It turned out this was because she had already got her eye on a hire hat she had seen and didn't want to be upstaged by me. Her hat, eedless to say was the biggest there, much to her immense satisfaction.

In Mexico my MIL took over and meringue was insisted upon. I still can´t bear to see the photos. We had just close family (ie DH's aunties uncles and cousins) there were over 350 of them. Still, no hall or hotel, just the porch (we were squashed to say the least)of an aunties' house. The food ran out and we forgot to do the toast (v. important here) or the first dance (ditto). Some of the said 350 (especially he who provided the fake champagne and he who provided the music) are still not talking to us.

This year we had to do the christenind thing for DS as well.

I certainly never wanted the ceremony thing or the christening. But family politics obliged. And it wasn't that bad really ...

Relations, who'd have them?

MrsMerryHenry · 07/05/2009 18:02

Bloody hell, Catitainahatita (me gusto tu nombre! ). What is this bizarre mother upstaging own daughter at her wedding thing? How peculiar.

for you being forced into a meringue, though.

Catitainahatita · 07/05/2009 18:54

I needn't have worried about my mother. The person my DH invited be be his witness (a fellow Mexican-abroad) also came in a cream evening gown and on the photos looks so much more elegant than me. In fact, in some you'd think she was the bride!!

Still its my own comeuppance for having insisted loudly all my life I would never get married seeing as wedlock was just a one of the (many!) way the male patriachy oppresse women.

Its a good job I don't have to eat my hat on that; or even my mum's

edam · 07/05/2009 19:02

Vaguely remember playing weddings with Sindy and Action Man, just because my Sindy had a wedding dress. But never dreamt about getting married! Was wholly against it, having seen my parents' divorce at close quarters. And not wanting to be a chattel and all that.

Then I fell in love with dh, and one day realised I did want to be with him forever, and I did want to stand up in front of our friends and family and say so.

We had an unusual wedding but elements of traditional wedding stuff - about sixty guests, ceremony and reception, wedding dress/suits for the men and all that. I loved it! Even though there were dozens of disasters, we had a fantastic day and a great start to our marriage. (And secretly I did feel like a princess and it was quite nice, really.)

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