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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"all women dream of being a bride and having a fairytale wedding day"

200 replies

mrsblanc · 06/05/2009 00:47

or something similar was said on the (otherwise excellent )prog showing Claire from Steps losing weight for her wedding.

NO THEY BLOODY DON'T

OK I feel better now.
Sorry for swearing

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsblanc · 06/05/2009 09:59

expat, I have to say in my experience it IS pretty awful!

The bride then goes round all the evening guests saying "Thank you SO much for coming"

And the guests all say "Oo you look beautiful. Have you had a lovely day?"

OP posts:
Comewhinewithme · 06/05/2009 09:59

My dp won a wedding and we got loads of freebies I tried to organise it but freaked when people rang me up asking about flowers and fading in and out of video montages .
Cancelled it all was a right PITA and weddings do bring out the worst in people .

I shit myself when I was a BM for my sister .

Original poster
mrsblanc · 06/05/2009 10:01

catsbumface I am almost crying with laughter at your name and your post!
You have really cheered up a grumpy old woman!
Thank you

Still laughing

OP posts:
CatsBumFace · 06/05/2009 10:02

thats nice mrsblanc!

Original poster
mrsblanc · 06/05/2009 10:03

Effiegadsby I just read your post about the commemoration towels.

SPLUTTER!

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsblanc · 06/05/2009 10:05

catsbumface do you think the hen man may be the origin of the term "hen night" ?

OP posts:
CatsBumFace · 06/05/2009 10:06

i am loving commemoration towels. i have dreamt of commemoration towels since i was a little girl.

AramintaCane · 06/05/2009 10:23

My mother made me peach tulle wedding favors for my wedding as a surprise. Each guest had one on their place setting, poor things. Most of my friends were wearing them as earings by the end of the evening

belgo · 06/05/2009 10:26

araminta

BestLaidPlans · 06/05/2009 10:28

Completely agree MrsBlanc. I loathe those Nintendo Imagine games aimed at small girls "Dream Wedding", "Fashion Designer" etc. Still waiting for them to bring out "Imagine...Nuclear Physicist" for a bit of balance.

muffle · 06/05/2009 10:35

A female friend once asked me "but didn't you used to get white tablecloths and dress up and pretend to be a bride at your wedding when you were little?" errrrrrrrmmmm... what? I had no idea what she was talking about but apparently "all little girls do that!"

I would actually quite like to be married these days and we have vaguely discussed it but - apart from the worries about how to do it (would like big party with lots of friends, but hate being the centre of attention) - I have such a deep-seated problem with being a "wife" that I would have to get over. I suppose because of my parents' marriage I just think of a "wife" as a put-upon wretch who a man says hurtful things about. I know it doesn't have to be that way but I can't completely shake it off.

mayorquimby · 06/05/2009 10:41

fair enough not all girls do it, but why let such a throw away comment annoy you.
it's a bit like when they interview a footballer or rugby player before he gets his first england cap or captains the country for his first time they trot out the "it's what every boy dreams of, to represent your country at wembley/twickenham" i mean it's obviously not EVERY boys dream as some kids don't like football or rugby, just that an extremely high number do.

Laquitar · 06/05/2009 10:43

I soooo agree OP! I never dreamt of my wedding when i was a little girl. I never wanted a Wedding. In the end i did only because i found my match and wanted to marry him but didnt want the wedding day itself. And all those big wedding dresses with laces etc make me ill. I find it very irritating when people assume that all women like it.

morningpaper · 06/05/2009 10:44

araminta

AramintaCane · 06/05/2009 10:44

I know what you mean muffle all those 'the wife' jokes from the seventies and eighties didn't help. I felt the same way.

EffieGadsby · 06/05/2009 10:45

But even if they do do it they are only little girls. I'm pretty sure I did stuff like that 25 years ago. I'm pretty sure 25 years ago I wanted to be a nurse, a tennis player, then a model, then an air hostess. It doesn't mean I haven't revised my opinions somewhat. The world would be in a hilarious state if we all had to fulfill in adult life what we said should happen when we were 7.

muffle · 06/05/2009 10:47

Well I can see a difference between those two things for a start. One is about a high-achieving career as the pinnacle of your aspirations, the other is about a day of "feeling like a princess" as you hitch yourself to some bloke - as the pinnacle of your aspirations.

It's not the technical fact that not everyone feels the same that annoys me so much - it's that so many little girls, if they do, dream of being a bride above all else. I actually think that is extremely bad news - not just because they should aim higher. I think the encouragement of that "dream" for girls results in a hell of a lot of women marrying any twat that asks them, and clinging to marriages to twats who abuse them. I think those things are deeply connected.

(Not that there's anything wrong with a joyous wedding - not at all - but I think there's something wrong with girls focusing on their "big day" as a lifelong dream.)

muffle · 06/05/2009 10:48

sorry that was a reply to mayorquimby

mayorquimby · 06/05/2009 10:49

effiegadsby- i actually think that'd be great,i mean obviously it'd be utter fucking chaos as we'd have no economic analysts,shop assistants or street cleaners and abundance of astronauts and people pretending to be fire engines, but it'd be a good kind of chaos.

bleh · 06/05/2009 10:50

I'm going to go against the MN grain, and say, I can't wait to get married.

I agree: the big overpriced dos with the terrible dresses are horrific and it loses sight of what it's all about. DP went to a wedding last summer for two of his friends, very fancy and what not, and they're now getting divorced less than a year later.

However, as I said, I can't wait. Sadly, many of the people I care about are scattered all over the world, and getting married is the perfect excuse to try and get as many of them in one room at a time and have a great big whopping party, with lots of food and drinks, crazy dancing, flowers, me in a fabulous dress, exchanging vows and being involved in a tradition that stretches back generations and is loaded with meaning. And if it costs money: so what? It's my money, I spend it as I want. There are so many other times when you have to be prudent and (ugh!) sensible, so this is a nice break from it.

Docbunches · 06/05/2009 10:56

Count me in OP. I'm not married, but would only ever consider low-key Register office or Caribbean type thing with close family and even that would be too much attention for my liking.

NorbertDentressangle · 06/05/2009 11:05

Hooray! I've found like-minded people

I too have never had the desire to be a princess for the day or be the centre of attention in a meringue.

DP and I have never married. We did get engaged about 7 years ago (his idea)but never did any more about it. I was tempted just to sneak off abroad somewhere, just the two of us (well probably with the DC too actually) but he felt that his family would be upset if we did that. That of course is where it snowballs as if we invited his family we would also have to invite mine, and then of course there are our friends.....

As well as not wanting to be the centre of attention I just hate the idea of all the time, effort and money that goes into it.

FGS I know people who spent longer planning their big day than the marriage lasted after the wedding day!

AramintaCane · 06/05/2009 11:11

Norbert you are right the whole smowball thing is what happened to us. I said well ok if i can do it in jeans and go in a taxi. They said but you must have a dress its your big day. You must have a car Oh and we must invite autie jean and her friends third cousin and so on. And we were paying ourselves.

Gateau · 06/05/2009 11:16

"It's what comes after that is important."
Very true.
We loved our day (it was just the two of us on a desert island in the South Pacific) but we knew what came after was what REALLY mattered.

BigBellasBeerBelly · 06/05/2009 11:17

I must admit i never really thought about it at all.

That is the part I find baffling - I think some little girls start thinking about what they will wear etc from when they are about 9 or something. It's very odd.

I didn't have any views/thoughts etc apart from vaugely assuming that one day I would be married and have children.

When i met DH and we decided to marry we did have a "proper" wedding - my dad paid and it was all v traditional and v nice (apart from my insistence on a civil ceremony which caused a bit of but was really good in the end with everyone happy).

The dress thing - I assumed I would want something simple - long cream dress or something - but when I went the the shop a dn tried some on I realised there is a reason for the "fairy" dress shape.

Which is that if you're short and quite dumpy curvy, they flatter your figure. i suppose that's why proper old ballgowns etc were that shape. To get away with a long straight evening dress you really need to be tall and slender.

So I had my meringue and i loved it

Haven't worn a dress since though

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