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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask for money as wedding gift (cringe)

315 replies

CrackopentheBaileys · 26/03/2009 19:29

It doesn't feel right to do it. So I'm not sure if we should. I guess I'm asking for a general consensus. There is another thread going at the moment about wedding gifts, but I didn't want to hijack!

Bit of background, dh (to be, I know) and I have been together for 10 years this year. We have two children, the little bastards

Anyhoo, we have lived together forever, and pretty much have all the 'stuff' we need. The only big things we would need would be new kitchen and bathroom (blatantly not going to happen!)

We both have large families, and there will be 200+ at the reception, that makes for one BIG bbq... very casual wedding

So we were thinking of putting a little poem/note in with the invites, saying that we do not expect presents, we are happy for them to just enjoy our day with us (true, btw). But knowing our families, they won't be happy with that, so we will add that any monetary gifts will be gratefuly recieved and will help towards our honeymoon.

Cringe and die? Or socially acceptable?

OP posts:

SerendipitousHarlot · 26/03/2009 19:30

I get the hump if someone asks for money for a wedding present tbh. I don't know why it offends me, but it does

rookiemater · 26/03/2009 19:30

Don't put it on the invite. Leave it for your families to ask and then say. Putting it in writing looks greedy.

MadameCastafiore · 26/03/2009 19:31

Ask for High Street Gift Vouchers that you can use at B&Q or maybe Ikea vouchers which you could buy a new kitchen or bathroom with.

Very bad form IMO to ask out right for money.

SimpleAsABC · 26/03/2009 19:31

Sorry, switched off at "the little bastards"

...and I was only going to tell you you'd probably get flamed!

nancy75 · 26/03/2009 19:31

its becoming more and more common for people to ask for cash, most couples already live together and have house stuff, and how many toasters do you need in one life time - be warned there will always be some people that will raise an eyebrow at this.

MadameCastafiore · 26/03/2009 19:31

You can get holiday vouchers too - think they are Thompson.

traceybath · 26/03/2009 19:32

Not really the done thing in my opinion.

We had a very casual wedding and i just didn't mention gifts. People gave us a variety of things from wine to money.

We did actually end up with quite a bit of money from relatives which was useful but we hadn't asked for it.

WinkyWinkola · 26/03/2009 19:32

The little bastards?

ForeverOptimistic · 26/03/2009 19:32

I always find it really cheeky but everyone does seem to do it these days. Don't do the poem, we had an invite recently where they did that and I cringed on their behalf, it felt like a begging letter even though I know that was not their intention.

Tinker · 26/03/2009 19:33

I've just received one of these invites with a cringey poem and I just don't like it. Can't even be rational about why I don't like it. If you have everything just say no gifts needed - a "your presence not your presents" cringey poem instead

SmallShips · 26/03/2009 19:33

I couldn't and didn't do it.

I did drop hints to my mother who then dropped hints to the rest of my family that if they wanted to get us anything we needed new bedroom furniture, of course no one lugged a bloody great wardrobe to the reception, they put money in cards instead.

I still felt awful doing that though.

Tillyscoutsmum · 26/03/2009 19:33

Personally I wouldn't put it in writing... We didn't mention gifts but just put our email/tel number on for anyone who had any "queries" - I reckon about 60% contacted us to ask about presents and then I didn't mind telling them once they'd asked iyswim ?

It is silly because everyone will want to give a gift, but putting on an invite is just a bit presumptuous imho

Original poster

CrackopentheBaileys · 26/03/2009 19:34

I agree with both of you. That's a good idea rookie, word of mouth works wondorously in this mafia of a family!
SH, I know what you mean. My school of thought is this. You are not going to go to a wedding empty handed.....are you.....
So, surely it's better to have a clear idea of what would truly be helpful to them then buy them their 7th potted plant of the eve?

OP posts:

Original poster

CrackopentheBaileys · 26/03/2009 19:35

the little bastards... just a joke, lighten up

OP posts:

Habbibu · 26/03/2009 19:35

Mention it to your families, and maybe best man/chief bridesmaid, so if people ask, they can tell them.

I hate poems in invitations, mind, especially the ones that ask for cash. They bring an urge to buy a toaster... But I also don't like gift list cards in invitations.

Let people ask - some will give money, some will give stuff you don't want/need (and would do that no matter what) and some will give lovely, surprising, personal gifts you'll really love.

Original poster

CrackopentheBaileys · 26/03/2009 19:37

the holiday vouchers is a great idea, I had no idea they did that.

fwiw, I couldn't care less if we got nothing. really. this is just about us getting married.... finally!

OP posts:

hedgiemum · 26/03/2009 19:37

We've had a polite request similar to yours, asking for money towards a honeymoon fund. We weren't offended, as we knew it was the only way the couple would get a honeymoon. Have also had request for contributions towards a piano. Again, weren't offended. Its nice to help people you care about out with what they want, and give them a lovely start to married life.

Have a great day!

morningpaper · 26/03/2009 19:38

I assumed bastards was a joke about the fact that they were not yet married

Agree with everyone else - asking is bad form. Don't mention it

Sassybeast · 26/03/2009 19:38

I don't have a problem with it at all in your circumstances. I'd much rather do that than give something which may be stuffed in the loft 10 years later (As a load of mine are) I did object to being asked for a contribution to a honeymoon though - thought that went a bit to far. I'd rather have a note with the invite - hassle free.

PuppyMonkey · 26/03/2009 19:40

YANBU to ask for money. YABU to do it in a poem!

handbagqueen · 26/03/2009 19:40

Isn't it odd how everyone really hates giving money for wedding in the asian culture and many others giving money is the done thing. We got loads at our wedding much better than loads of toasters!

I would not have a problem with someone saying money rather than a present and would happily give the amount I would usually spend on a present.

Original poster

CrackopentheBaileys · 26/03/2009 19:40

would you prefer to be asked for, say, Thomas Cook vouchers, rather than cold hard cash?

OP posts:

Sorrento · 26/03/2009 19:41

I would rather people asked for money than i bought a towel set and it went to waste or oxfam, however most people won't feel that way so am for vouchers for B&Q or a holiday or something, nobody can not like that surely ?

Original poster

CrackopentheBaileys · 26/03/2009 19:41

Yes handbagqueen. I was thinking about throwing a greek wedding and getting a box of pins out

OP posts:

ForeverOptimistic · 26/03/2009 19:41

Yes. Thomas Cook vouchers would be fine, I would be happy to contribute towards a honeymoon.

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