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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for money as wedding gift (cringe)

315 replies

CrackopentheBaileys · 26/03/2009 19:29

It doesn't feel right to do it. So I'm not sure if we should. I guess I'm asking for a general consensus. There is another thread going at the moment about wedding gifts, but I didn't want to hijack!

Bit of background, dh (to be, I know) and I have been together for 10 years this year. We have two children, the little bastards

Anyhoo, we have lived together forever, and pretty much have all the 'stuff' we need. The only big things we would need would be new kitchen and bathroom (blatantly not going to happen!)

We both have large families, and there will be 200+ at the reception, that makes for one BIG bbq... very casual wedding

So we were thinking of putting a little poem/note in with the invites, saying that we do not expect presents, we are happy for them to just enjoy our day with us (true, btw). But knowing our families, they won't be happy with that, so we will add that any monetary gifts will be gratefuly recieved and will help towards our honeymoon.

Cringe and die? Or socially acceptable?

OP posts:
PlumpChocEggyBaps · 31/03/2009 14:49

Winebeforepearls.

Regardless of my feelings about cash/gifts etc, I don't think anyone should even contemplate putting a gift list in an invitation if the wedding is being held abroad and your guests are paying hundreds to attend. Nor is it acceptable to send invitations to people whom you know cannot travel in the hope that they might send you a gift anyway!

tattycoram · 31/03/2009 14:59

Plumpchoc

I totally agree. My brother is getting married abroad this year, it will cost every couple who goes a minimum of £400 to attend (flights, two nights in a hotel, taxi to the out of the way location) and they put in the usual blah about your presence being your presents but anyway, here's somewhere you can contribute to our honeymoon and here's our wedding list.

I think it's rude, I really do

spiralqueen · 31/03/2009 15:19

Completely agree with Tigermoth.

When we married we were being asked where our gift list was long before we'd even thought about it. We put a bit in our information sheet (definitely NOT a poem) to say that we didn't expect presents but that we had got a small list with one store. We were also due to move to a bigger house the next year so we weren't in a position to know what we might need to set it up so vouchers from a couple of stores would be much appreciated.

In the event most people gave us vouchers, a few brought items from the list (virtually everything was less than £30), some gave cash/cheques and others went completely off piste and bought us albums/picture frames/champagne/napkin rings et al.

Everyone received a personalised thank you not those awful " Derek & Sue thank you for your gift" cards. As the vouchers get spent we've sent a follow up letter to tell people what we eventually spent it on so they know it didn't go on groceries.

winebeforepearls you can have too many photoframes - we were inundated with them when we got engaged and again when DD arrived. Most are now in the loft as we don't have enough surfaces to put them on. Champagne on the other hand...

expatinscotland · 31/03/2009 17:35

When did all this 'pay for our honeymoon' malarkey start?

I thought that was the groom's gift to the bride?

ahfeckit · 31/03/2009 19:53

expat, you've hit the nail on the head. that 'pay for our honeymoon' thing really gets on my goat. the last wedding i went to the couple requested this, and I really don't think it's right. we gave £50 cheque and they used the money from all their guests to fund their flights to their destination. fair enough, I got to see the photos of them having a great time snorkelling and the groom bricking it when he nearly got bitten by a shark, but still...there just doesn't seem to be an end to people's cheekiness these days (at the risk of sounding like an old fart!).

expatinscotland · 31/03/2009 20:03

'there just doesn't seem to be an end to people's cheekiness these days (at the risk of sounding like an old fart!).'

Especially when they think they're being clever. 'Oh, we got it for free.'

Yeah, maybe so, but you're one rude mo fo.

ahfeckit · 31/03/2009 20:10

i felt that, expat. I just wouldn't have had the nerve, infact i didn't even think of asking for any kind of gift when i got married a few years back. I just sent out the invites with necessary details. on various wedding websites this is one discussion that gets extrememly het up. people get v vicious on this topic, the majority favouring gift lists, honeymoon gift lists and cash gift poems for lots of dosh.
at least here there's varied opinions.
I can remember looking at one friend's gift list last year and the kind of things they had on it was a GRAVY BOAT. who the hell uses a gravy boat these days?!! Totally unnecessary gift (so they got vouchers from us instead because all the other gifts on the list where £5 each or something ridiculous - like one tea spoon or a mug).

cazzaben · 31/03/2009 20:13

Well for our wedding we didnt put anything in the invites. To be honest most people will ask you before hand or speak to other members of the family...
We told everyone that we would like money and so most people gave it to us...

PlumpChocEggyBaps · 31/03/2009 20:30

We use a gravy boat.......

Gentle · 31/03/2009 20:39

expatinscotland

The honeymoon is supposed to be the groom's gift to the bride?

= storms off to create 7 year old argument with cheerfully oblivious man in next room

expatinscotland · 31/03/2009 21:05

I thought so, Gentle. Not sure why.

Never had a honeymoon because . . . duh! . . . we couldn't afford one.

Gentle · 31/03/2009 21:22

I don't care if it's true or not, I like it and I am going to tell DH he owes me my half of our caravan weekend!

spiralqueen · 31/03/2009 22:52

ahfeckit you're right about the wedding sites they're obsessed with cheesy poems - I recently saw one where someone was planning to do a poem in their menu card = WTF?

ahfeckit · 01/04/2009 12:08

spiralqueen I lost interest in the wedding sites (one in particular which I won't name) because I tend to be in the minority of opinions on most topics and most other brides- to-be didn't like to hear it, so in the end I just decided to pack it in. Got fed up with hearing about who was having the most lavish do, who likes to have chair covers (who really cares???) and how expensive the wedding dress is. I can't see the point of it all really. It's just an outlet to brag.
One other thing that really got my goat was the threads about favours. Blah blah blah. Yawn.

ahfeckit · 01/04/2009 12:09

and those stupid poems too, yeah, I have to agree with you there putting a poem in a menu card is a tad obsessive. who really gives a toss.

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