to ask for money as wedding gift (cringe)

[CrackopentheBaileys]

It doesn't feel right to do it. So I'm not sure if we should. I guess I'm asking for a general consensus. There is another thread going at the moment about wedding gifts, but I didn't want to hijack!

Bit of background, dh (to be, I know) and I have been together for 10 years this year. We have two children, the little bastards

Anyhoo, we have lived together forever, and pretty much have all the 'stuff' we need. The only big things we would need would be new kitchen and bathroom (blatantly not going to happen!)

We both have large families, and there will be 200+ at the reception, that makes for one BIG bbq... very casual wedding

So we were thinking of putting a little poem/note in with the invites, saying that we do not expect presents, we are happy for them to just enjoy our day with us (true, btw). But knowing our families, they won't be happy with that, so we will add that any monetary gifts will be gratefuly recieved and will help towards our honeymoon.

Cringe and die? Or socially acceptable?

Hmm. Nice try, CrackOpen, but lacks lyrical elegance, wouldn't you say?

"A thousand cups for tea they sent us, since we wed.
All tenderly their messengers did they seal;
Flowered, china, pale, with sticky tape still wet--
One perfect cup.

We knew the language of the vessel well;
"My fragile side," it said, "our tea (and there for British affection) enclose."
Fondness long has taken for his amulet
One perfect cup.

Why is it no one ever sent us yet
One perfect travel-voucher, with which not to sup?
Ah no, it's always just our luck to get
One perfect cup. "

Or haiku?

the house fully stocked
consider the children and pay for
some time in the sun

I don't think that anyone should ask for anything, unless someone has asked. I may well choose to give money but would be offended to be asked.

Ok you got me.

I'm not even going to attempt that

((bows at Habbibu's lyrical genius))

p.s me + elegance.... not so much

lyrical genius = copying poems from web and replacing words... huzzah. Though I did make up the haiku.

I would be more sympathetic to begging letters request poems that showed a bit of effort, actually...

hmmmm the Haiku was the puzzling part for me

We agonised for ages about this and eventually just put a note in the invites saying we don't want anything but if you want to get us something can we have Thomas Cooke vouchers. We got an embaressingly large amount!
Unfortunately Thomas Cooke are shite so we had a horrible honeymoon but that's another story...

Don't write a poem. Too cutesy for words.

Although the above are ace! Could have done with you guys 5 years ago!

If you really don't want anything and don't want people to waste their money then why not nominate your favourite charities for guests to donate to? They could do with the money right now.

I can see why you would want to guide people but I do think it's very uncouth to ask for money.

O, how much more do weddings festive seem
By that sweet ornament which guests doth give!
The money-box looks fair, but fairer we it deem
For that sweet cash which doth in it live.
The china dogs have full as high a cost
As the shined lustre of the voucher,
Wrapped in such crepe and ribbon'd as gaudily
When on a gift table their masked covers disclose:
But, for their virtue only is their show,
They live unwoo'd and unrespected fade,
Hidden in a cupboard. Sweet vouchers do not so;
Of their sweet deaths are sweetest holidays made:
And so of you, beauteous and lovely guest,
When you have departed, my photo CD distills your bounty.

can't really be bothered with a list
And I am paying for you to get pissed
I know that you won't give us much
Its not as though we've kept in touch

And you really do have awful taste
So any present would be a waste
I have never liked the things you buy
And just this once don't want to try

So lets abandon all pretence
Come on, you know that it makes sense
Please don't give us lots of trash
What we want is hard earned cash

I am supposed to be working. Obviously.

Thanks for the invite you grasping gits
But I fear that your poetry is the pits
And whilst the evening would have been fun
I'm worried I might bring a gun
So to save embarassment at how that would look
Do me a favour and SLING YOUR HOOK

Tying the knot I hear?
At long bloody last!

With yuor family so laoded
It'll be quite a blast

As for your begging-I find it quite odd
There's nowt in it for me,so feck off you tight sod.

haha geordieminx, great response!

YOu know your family crackopen and we don't. If you say they will want to give you some sort of present, then I see no harm in directing their generosity towards something useful - and especially now, when it's a credit crunch.

I bet over the years you have contributed lots of present to other family members when they got married.

I think you have been given a hard time on this thread by some people.

However, if you ask for vouchers or cash, can you do it in such a way that guests can keep secret how much cash or what vouchers they give you?

The beauty of giving a present is that the giver can disguise how much the present cost. A cash gift is a bit open. I have to admit that even though I am practical about present giving and weddings, I would feel a bit daunted by just giving cash and knowing that the bride and groom would know how generous (or not) I had been compared to other guests. It would worry me a bit even though I could rationalise it.

It's quite possible some of your guests are suffering financially at the moment ie elderly guests who depend on interest on their savings. And some guests may also have a gift in mind for you already.

Can you give an alternative for present buyers ie plants for the garden, as well?

Or,if you pick a present theme, like 'holidays' (ie honeymoon) can you give guests the option of buying you something for your holidays, apart from contributing cash? If you draw up a dream holiday gift list, this would help point them in the right direction and Thomas Cook vouchers could be just one of the options.

must...... sleep....... yawn

Night guys, have fun

sorry, just to let you know I have seen your post tigermoth, and very wise words they are too
Great idea, I'm thinking a 'wishing well' for people to drop cards into, or they can hand it to me themselves. whichever they fancy I guess.
Thanks all, and goodnight.. really going this time!

Heres a rhyme from me.

With great joy, I am wedding my one true love
Do I have to come over and give you a shove
To get you to give us some cash, you tight cow
How the hell will we get to the Maldives, no, How?
We wouldnt have bothered with saying 'I do'
If We'd known all our guests would be tightwads like you.
At least you could cover the cost of your meal
I watched what you ate, 20 quid, yeah get real!
You can throw in some extra to cover your wine
What, a glass? The camcorder will show if you're lying.....

hmm wine...lying better stop there

Requests for monetary contributions towards purposeful presents that are too expensive for one person to purchse don't bother me in the slightest.

I've contributed towards a pair of kayaks, a a yacht and a super poncy designer dining table in my time.

I'd rather do this than buy the cheap set of saucepans that one of my enterprising friends had on his wedding list to furnish their holiday let with! (ie a house they rent out for profit and only use infrequently).

That I thought was effing cheeky!

Plain requests for cash (to pay off debts?) also bother me, given above I'm not quite sure why.

hope you find a good and tactful solution to this, crackopen - and I am sure that you will. You sound like the sort who will find a way through this particular maze

Oh god YASNBU just because this thread has literally had PMSL.

I was rather proud of my cheesy poem! And it was firmly tongue in cheek but obviously loses something out of context and in front of people you don't know.

Although your efforts are far superior....

We got a cheesy poem from people we knew, MTR. It just depressed me.