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Original poster

Clean Slate- Should my ex be letting her boyfriend sleep with my son?

214 replies

Mowgli21 · 25/02/2009 13:17

Scenario is then...... All that I have said but forget the 'Hearsay'.....

Ex - Mother is allowing our son to sleep with her 'Boyfriend' should I be comfortable with that? Son does not like the situation. She denies that the boyfriend exists..... Yet she has just returned from holiday and son insists that the boyfriend was there.....

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion.... She is asking our son to lie, he does not like it which is why I get the information... As for whether I would use it against her or kick off then it is something I am not happy with, which is why I am seeking advice

OP posts:
dittany · 25/02/2009 14:51

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beanieb · 25/02/2009 14:51

OK - I don't know how he got the order for shared residency but it's not a crime to do so and nor is crowing about it. While I agree that he has been misleading in his original thread and that we certainly can't beleive his one sided story (Even though we often do when other people post) I don't think he should be got at for having a shared residence order.

A friend of mine (male) looks about to lose his children because his wife refuses shared custody because she has fallen out of love with him. She moved their kids out of the house while he was out and now won't let him see the kids unless she or her mother is present - for no good reason at all and in no way legally enforced.

This poster may be a twat, and may be a controlling twat, he may be a liar, he may be deluded but he won joint residency and plent of people do and shouldn't be got at because they have, particularly not just because they are men.

mayorquimby · 25/02/2009 14:52

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mrsjammi · 25/02/2009 14:55

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dittany · 25/02/2009 14:56

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beanieb · 25/02/2009 14:56

Mowgli21 - as you are still here. I am really interested in why, when you were pretending to be your ex, did you labour the point about her being afraid you will ask her to get back with you... would you? You say:

"I feel that if I talk to him he will just try to get me to go back to him."

and

"but as I said earlier I cant talk as I fear he just wants me back"

you also say it was a good relationship. Do you want to get back with her? Maybe you need to let go? Perhaps your need to have her back is clouding everything and you are in some ways using this whole situation to try to control her.

Maybe get some counselling which would allow you to move on in the same way she has?

mrsjammi · 25/02/2009 14:56

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PortofinoLovesPancakes · 25/02/2009 14:57

The way that this has gone makes me understand why he posted pretending to be a woman in the first place. He wanted an opinion on whether it was right for the son to co-sleep or not. Fair enough he might have overdone it a bit. But initial response is that it is wrong, and that mother should see new bf when child isn't there.

All of a sudden when he's a man, he's a controlling, manipulative bastard, who has screwed over the ex and is trying to gain full control of his son!

If the judge gave him 50% custody and the house, are we SO sure that he didn't actually deserve that? Cos he's a bloke he must be a bastard, right? We don't actually know anything about the wife, or why she left.

dittany · 25/02/2009 14:57

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Rhubarb · 25/02/2009 14:57

Fair enough, but also remember that honesty is the best way forward. People do make assumptions and judgements when you are found to be bending the truth, even if your reasons seemed logical at the time.

And as for taking responsibility for their part in relationship breakdowns, ok but not when the partner is beating the shit out the mother eh? I don't think she needs to take any responsibility for that.

However, I think you've been harshly judged on here, although I can see why you've wound them up. You obviously do love and care about your son and want what is best for him. If you have concerns I don't think there is a single mother on here who would tell you to ignore those concerns. Our children are irreplacable - to you and your ex. So best of luck.

beanieb · 25/02/2009 14:57

Dittany, I know we've clashed before and I don't want to add fuel to that fire, but it does often come over on here that you are very anti men. You may not intend it to look that way but it does.

pingping · 25/02/2009 14:58

Well saiD MayorQuimby and Rhubarb.

OP I would not want my child sleeping with my EXP and his new girlfriend. Even more so if I hadn't met the new partner and if my child didn't know them all that well.

YANBU to request this stops happening plenty of women on this site wouldn't like it either.

Good for you with the 50/50 split My friend has full custordy of his Daughter and is a perfectly good Dad.

I think you should take Rhubarb's advice.

mrsjammi · 25/02/2009 14:59

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pingping · 25/02/2009 14:59

Dittany you talk about abuse and awful men all the time what is wrong with you? Everything comes down to abuse or the man must be controlling?

beanieb · 25/02/2009 14:59

....and i really only posted that because I can see it too and insults or otherwise I don't think mayorquimby shold feel like she is alone in having this perception based upon the way you post and advise. (we need a peace smiley on here!)

pingping · 25/02/2009 15:01

It is not a secret that abusive and controlling men use children to get at the women in their lives.

It doens't make all men like that, it makes abusive and controlling men like that.

I know plenty of Mothers that use there kids to get at the fathers stopping access etc

AnyFucker · 25/02/2009 15:03

some men use their children to get back at an ex-P

so do some women

bloody awful behaviour whoever does it

from the tone of some of the OP's posts, it does appear that he sees custody of his son on the same level as "winning" the house

perhaps it was just the way it was worded

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 25/02/2009 15:04

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PortofinoLovesPancakes · 25/02/2009 15:06

I think he was trying to make the point that the Judge saw him as maybe the non/less guilty party in the divorce ie ex might have run off somewhere. As in - the judge gave me the house, and 50% custody, so I can't be that bad surely. I saw it more as defensive than bragging.....

Raggydoll · 25/02/2009 15:08

I have a 4 year old boy who fortunately quite likes his own bed however, if he was scared, upset, unwell or whatever he would climb in with me regardless of who was next to me.

What I'm saying is - I think even if he didn't like or felt uncomfortable about the man lying next to me his overwhelming desire to snuggle up to his mommy would be greater and therefore the end result would be he would be in a situation he was uncomfortable with even though he has the option of his own bed.

So it is not really an option is it...

I don't think the BF should be there on the nights he stays with mom if his usual place to sleep is her bed.

dittany · 25/02/2009 15:10

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mrsjammi · 25/02/2009 15:10

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Raggydoll · 25/02/2009 15:10

to clarify 'if his (ds) usual place to sleep is moms bed'

PortofinoLovesPancakes · 25/02/2009 15:11

When was this thread ever about anyone being abusive to anyone?

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 25/02/2009 15:13

I know. he posts that he's not happy about his ex allowing her new boyfriend to so-sleep with her son, and mn decides the op is a woman hating, selfish, evil man and she fled him in the night because he beat her with a frying pan.