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Original poster

Clean Slate- Should my ex be letting her boyfriend sleep with my son?

214 replies

Mowgli21 · 25/02/2009 13:17

Scenario is then...... All that I have said but forget the 'Hearsay'.....

Ex - Mother is allowing our son to sleep with her 'Boyfriend' should I be comfortable with that? Son does not like the situation. She denies that the boyfriend exists..... Yet she has just returned from holiday and son insists that the boyfriend was there.....

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion.... She is asking our son to lie, he does not like it which is why I get the information... As for whether I would use it against her or kick off then it is something I am not happy with, which is why I am seeking advice

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 25/02/2009 13:40

She shouldn't be co-sleeping with her bf in the bed too. No.

debs40 · 25/02/2009 13:41

If your son is the one who is genuinely upset (and not just you)then raise this constructively with your ex. Why on earth would you need people here to tell you that this was the wisest course of action? It isn't a matter of something being right or wrong - it is about what is best for the child. If the child doesn't like it, I can't for the life of me see why you should need to garner support for your position.

Unless, of course, you're like one of those Fathers 4 Justice loons - Batman costume at the ready! All full of 'the system is weighted against me' blah blah blah...until you find out they can't let their ex-wives move on and are intent on causing trouble irrespective of the damage it causes their children.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 25/02/2009 13:41

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BitOfFun · 25/02/2009 13:42

I think you are being a bit unfair tbh, and if you can't accept the comments of ANYBODY who disagrees with you, then you aren't looking for advice really at all...just ammunition. It does take time posting on here (and all the other sites you referred to) and responding to everybody, and I'm not sure it will be a good use of your time if you are genuine and need legal advice and support. Parentline is a good place to start, and you'd fit right in with the crew from Fathers For Justice if they are still going. I hope you look good in a spiderman suit- all the best!

Rhubarb · 25/02/2009 13:43

I'm confused now too.

Did this co-sleeping only happen on holiday or is it happening at her home too?
Does your ds have his own room at hers?
Did he crawl into their bed or did they suggest he co-sleep?
How old is he?
How did you find out?

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 25/02/2009 13:44

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KingCanuteIAm · 25/02/2009 13:44

If your hild is not happy to co-sleep with a new partner than you have the right to stand up for him.

If your ex will not agree to stop this whilst your son is in the house then you could look at some kind of prohibitive order to stop her but you will have to be able to show your son is not happy. (although I think most courts will agree with you as it is a new partner).

However, you cannot stop new partner staying at her house, you cannot even stop her having a string of partners staying, you can only object to your son sleeping with them. You will also need to be able to prove that she has refused to do this (mediation, letters etc) otherwise she will just change her story in court.

idonthaveanamerightnowVT · 25/02/2009 13:45

@ bof

(I'm still undecided on a name )

BitOfFun · 25/02/2009 13:45

Debs, on the same train of thought, I see!

Original poster
Mowgli21 · 25/02/2009 13:45

Rhubarb

Our son is four and a half, he sleeps with his mother every night... As he does with me... He has security issues and I am working the health visitor to try and wean him off this practice.. I do not know what his mother is doing about it.....

He has his own bedroom with me, which he will play in but not sleep. I understand he has his own room with his mum but does not use it...

My issue is am I being over protective of my son or is it something I just should put up with as the relationship between mother and father is over?

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 25/02/2009 13:46

I'm still thinking for you

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 25/02/2009 13:48

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squeaver · 25/02/2009 13:48

Maybe you should spend a bit less time getting the opinions of random strangers and a bit more time having a conversation with your ex.

debs40 · 25/02/2009 13:49

If your son doesn't like it, then you have every right to raise it. BUT this should be done constructively and sensitively and NOT brandish it as a weapon to beat your ex with.

Examine your motives carefully....is the issue with your son or is it yours?

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 25/02/2009 13:52

Given the general unpleasantness of the OP's attitude, I think it is quite feasible that the monther's new partner is a nice bloke and in a serious relationship with her - but the mother is aware that the unreasonable XP refuses to believe she is a person with any autonomy and will, if he finds out she has a partner, start alleging that she is a slut or even a prostitute rather than treat her with any respect. The mother is probably afraid of her XP and not without reason, as he sounds like a woman-hating shit.

Rhubarb · 25/02/2009 13:53

Mowgli21, tbh I would be concerned too. I don't think that your ex should be co-sleeping with both your son and her boyfriend.

Have you raised your fears with your HV? I'm sorry your ds has these security issues, but your ex needs to deal with that and work out a compromise, like not having her bf to stay whilst her ds is staying.

I think you have every right to raise these issues. He might be a great guy, but how do you know that? You don't know him from Adam and that's what would concern me. I'm sure your ex would never put your ds in harms way or take any risks, but you need to be sure for your own peace of mind.

I don't know why everyone is getting at you, unless I'm missing something? But I'm sure that most mothers would be up in arms at the thought of their kids co-sleeping with their ex's new partners that they had never met!

If you can no longer talk to her, then you need to tell your HV who can perhaps pay her a visit.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 25/02/2009 13:55

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Fluffybubble · 25/02/2009 13:57

Is this N1? He hasn't answered Reality...If so, there is more to this...

idonthaveanamerightnowVT · 25/02/2009 13:58

Its pretty obvious its N1

He hasnt denied it. Similar posting style too

StayFrosty · 25/02/2009 14:00

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Original poster
Mowgli21 · 25/02/2009 14:00

Thanks Rhubarb.. I have my own opinion of the others...

I have a meeting with the HV on Friday... The problem is the secrecy, if he is a great guy then why hide him or deny him?... The issue is our son being uncomfortable with the situation.....

I have written another letter to the ex raising my concerns but it has gone unanswered....

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 25/02/2009 14:00

VT, remind me about the notorious N1? I have seen the name, but can't recall...?

StayFrosty · 25/02/2009 14:01

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 25/02/2009 14:02

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Rhubarb · 25/02/2009 14:02

Right, so the way I'm reading it now is this:

The OP posted that thread as his ex, gaging opinions. Perhaps he thought he'd get more responses as a woman.

But the situation remains the same. His ex has a new partner, and they co-sleep with his son.

I think he's just new to this forum posting lark and has done what my dh would probably do, post as someone else first thinking that would get more responses.

My advice to him remains the same.

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