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Original poster

Clean Slate- Should my ex be letting her boyfriend sleep with my son?

214 replies

Mowgli21 · 25/02/2009 13:17

Scenario is then...... All that I have said but forget the 'Hearsay'.....

Ex - Mother is allowing our son to sleep with her 'Boyfriend' should I be comfortable with that? Son does not like the situation. She denies that the boyfriend exists..... Yet she has just returned from holiday and son insists that the boyfriend was there.....

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion.... She is asking our son to lie, he does not like it which is why I get the information... As for whether I would use it against her or kick off then it is something I am not happy with, which is why I am seeking advice

OP posts:
Fluffybubble · 25/02/2009 14:02

I thought that when the £40k of debt was mentioned - Didn't think he had ds for 50% of the time though?? I find his attitude really disturbing .

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 25/02/2009 14:03

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Original poster
Mowgli21 · 25/02/2009 14:04

To put you all out of your misery of those suffering at least.... I am not anyone else... This is the first time I have ever posted on this site....... Sorry to spoil your day.... Now you will have to get another life......

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 25/02/2009 14:06

Mowgli21, she may not want you to know about the new partner because she feels that it's none of your business. Can I ask - have you been possessive? Jealous? Controlling? Have you behaved in any way that might explain why she's kept you in the dark?

If you have full custody of your ds, then you have every right to withdraw overnight access until this issue is resolved.

Even if you only have half custody (and you can't be that bad if the custody arrangements are so equal), you still have the right to voice your concerns and take the matter to court again. Your ex needs to sort this out. Esp if your ds is unhappy with it. It's not right at all.

Fluffybubble · 25/02/2009 14:06

Scarily similiar, though, Mowgli, (and that's not good). Poor little boy.

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 25/02/2009 14:07

The other thread on which you pretended to be a woman reveals you as an obsessive, controlling, woman-hating shit. (The 'woman' you were pretending to be sounded insane). WHich is why you're not getting much sympathy.

Rhubarb · 25/02/2009 14:07

Not fair on the OP to label him as another troll. You don't have the evidence to do that.

MadameCastafiore · 25/02/2009 14:11

I agree with Rhubarb - and for the person that says the son chooses to sleep with the mother and partner because he has his own room is so far off the mark - the little boy co-sleeps all of the time because of other issues and his mother bringing someone else into their bed is wrong, wrong, wrong.

She only has the poor little mite 50% of the time - can she not get all her co-sleeping and shaggingg with her partner done then?

Mowgli - you sound to me like a very decent man.

OrmIrian · 25/02/2009 14:13

Regardless of the other thread. And regardless what anyone thinks of the OP, when presented with a simple question ' should my ex allow my son to co-sleep with her bf' my answer is no.

spicemonster · 25/02/2009 14:13

But you don't know he's there all the time. You've said that bar the holiday he is there 'occasionally'. So I'm not at all clear that you're sure if he stays a lot or not often. But no I wouldn't like a man my DS barely knew sleeping in his bed.

Original poster
Mowgli21 · 25/02/2009 14:14

Thanks Rhubarb.... As I have a 50:50 SRO it shows that the court thinks I a good dad.. That I am willing to pay for a private education for my son shows that I have his best interest at heart.... How many mothers would like to be their child to be in that position?...... SO I worry not about the insults..... Examine your own lives before you criticise mine and your ex's behaviour to your kids...

I am at court again tomorrow... I have got what I wanted from you... Many thanks

OP posts:
RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 25/02/2009 14:17

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Rhubarb · 25/02/2009 14:17

Well good luck at court. I'm sure you are a good dad and I think you've just been posting clumsily. But a lot of us have answered your question. You are not being unreasonable. No mother would put up with that, you are quite right, so I don't think you should have to put up with it either. Your ds is an obvious priority to you.

Best of luck.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 25/02/2009 14:18

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idonthaveanamerightnowVT · 25/02/2009 14:19

I dont need to examine my own life thanks. I also dont need to start threads pretending to be my ex in order to get answers, if you dont want to be critised then dont tell lies, be honest in the first place and you will get honest answers, the way you wnet about this was very underhand and a bit shit really

grumblinalong · 25/02/2009 14:19

If your little boy is uncomfortable with the sleeping arrangements and has expressed this to you voluntarily, then you have every right to be concerned and ask your ex to stop allowing it. However, this is all you can do isn't it? You have no further control apart from making your opinions known and hoping that your ex takes them on board.

I know it's tough, the whole split families issue is an emotional minefield, I know this personally, and sometimes you can be driven mad by not being able to get a handle on issues that you would if you and your partner were together. It's something you have to accept and you will find that this will ease the older your DS gets and he can start to guide situations himself.

dittany · 25/02/2009 14:19

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Rhubarb · 25/02/2009 14:22

I don't think him 'pretending' is indicative of anything. I think it's just clumsy. He wanted answers, he thought he'd get them by pretending to be a woman on a site called 'Mumsnet'. Then he wondered if those opinions would change if he posted as himself.

Clumsy yes, not well thought out, but not malicious.

Whichever way he did it, his OP remained the same. And it's his OP I'm replying to, regardless of who he is.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 25/02/2009 14:23

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debs40 · 25/02/2009 14:24

I am at court again tomorrow... I have got what I wanted from you...

How does anyone get 'very decent man' from this?

I don't know this bloke at all but I spent my training as a lawyer in matrimonial and there is more to this than meets the eye

So far the facts are:

(a) he comes to the site to lie and wants advice based on this lie

(b) changes track when discovered

(c) is strident enough to want to gather 'evidence/support' for court but can't figure out what he should do all by himself.

He still hasn't explained why on earth he needs such advice. If a situation arose that did not personally bother him but upset his son, then he should of course raise it with his ex-wife.

The reality is - I would guess- it bothers him so he wanted to see whether the consensus of opinion was with him before having a go at his ex in court

Not an approach which impresses a judge believe me!

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 25/02/2009 14:24

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dittany · 25/02/2009 14:25

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Rhubarb · 25/02/2009 14:25

Well, I'm afraid I didn't get the tone that you did.

Melscorp · 25/02/2009 14:26

Well, I posted on the other thread and I will repeat myself on this thread, in a nutshell, the answer is STILL NO!!!!!

Mowgli21, I know you are angry with some of the people on this site, but at the end of the day, I think you need to do what is best for your DS. I don't think any SANE person would want their DS co-sleeping with their ExP new BF. I mentioned it to my DH and he said he would blow a gasket.

I think we all sympathise with your predicament.

At the end of the day, the only person that matters is your DS!!!

debs40 · 25/02/2009 14:28

Reality - I'm totally with you on this one. This man was left by his ex-wife and this is classic manipulation and grudge match play. Evidenced by his original lie (I left my wonderful husband because I am feckless and wanted change blah blah) and then the whole 'see you in court' attitude.

Why not flag that up as a reason for posting if legitimate? Eg, I'm in court tomorrow and I'm worried about raising something in case I've got it wrong....