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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask our weddin g guests to pay for their meal?

489 replies

bratnav · 18/02/2009 15:32

Because DP and I genuinely have no cash, we got a great deal (£15 per head for 3 courses) and we are only inviting close family & friends to the wedding. We did specify that this would be INSTEAD of any wedding presents.

(We are getting married now as I am PG, so we brought it forward).

Oh, the reason I ask is that everyone we have verbally invited was very cool with it, but my Mother has kicked off about it

OP posts:
Itsjustafleshwound · 18/02/2009 15:34

Sorry - I agree with your mum ...

Original poster
bratnav · 18/02/2009 15:35

fair enough, can I ask why?

OP posts:
Nabster · 18/02/2009 15:35

When you say very cool, do you mean fine or not impressed?

I really don't think you can ask people to pay for their own meals.

Bubbaluv · 18/02/2009 15:36

remind her that as the mother of the Bride she should really be paying! Maybe that will make her see the sense in the idea.
YANBU, you're not asing them to fork out a fortune and if they don't like it they don't have to come.

spicemonster · 18/02/2009 15:36

So do I, sorry ... I think if you invite people to celebrate with you and there's food you have to pay for it. Or there's no food

MaryAnnSingleton · 18/02/2009 15:36

no, you can't ask them to pay ...not for a wedding

rubyslippers · 18/02/2009 15:36

you should pay IMO

2pt4kids · 18/02/2009 15:37

Depends how you word it.

If you say something like 'You're invited to the wedding at x time and then Dh and I will be going for a meal at x venue afterwards. For anyone that would like to join us it is £15 for a set menu' then that sounds perfectly fine and YANBU

If you are expecting everyone to definitely go to the meal and are just telling them to pay for themselves then YABU

Be very careful how you word the invitations!

traceybath · 18/02/2009 15:37

Its very odd and unusual - i guess thats why your mum is not for it.

I personally wouldn't ask people to pay but thats just me.

deepinlaundry · 18/02/2009 15:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOfFun · 18/02/2009 15:37

I think it's absolutely fine. Why does it bother your mum?

piscesmoon · 18/02/2009 15:37

It sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
If you were holding a huge wedding that you had been planning for 2 years, expecting people to pay for hen nights, hotel rooms and wedding presents etc then it would be very unreasonable but if it is small and intimate and you explain it seems fine. Maybe your mother is worried about what the others think.

DaisyMooSteiner · 18/02/2009 15:37

Well I think it's fine as you've been straight with them up front and as it's instead of presents. Certainly better than asking for cash as a present, which we've come across a fair bit recently!

myfunnynametaken · 18/02/2009 15:38

no, guests don't pay for the meal,

Stretch · 18/02/2009 15:38

How many people are you inviting? If it's 10 - 20 could you put the cost on a credit card, (interest free 6months), then pay it off gradually over the 6 months? Would be better than asking people to pay.

AlexandraPeppernose · 18/02/2009 15:38

YABU

Original poster
bratnav · 18/02/2009 15:38

Nabster-absolutely fine with it.

Shit, have we made a mistake here? We honestly thought our closest people wouldn't mind paying for a meal

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 18/02/2009 15:38

It is very much not the done thing. But in your situation, with only close friends and family...
i dunno.I wouldn't mind for a close friend or family member.

My friends had their recpetion in a village hall and everyone brought something for the buffet meal. It was lovely.

JODIEhadtoomanymincepies · 18/02/2009 15:39

I'd tend to agree with your mum too, Sorry.

If I was asked to a wedding and asked to pay I'd be a bit , but wouldn't say anything. (but would still go )

Can't you do a really cheap buffet somewhere?

Nabster · 18/02/2009 15:39

I was mortified when a couple of friends paid for their own drinks as they weren't told it was a free bar. That's just me though.

ummadam · 18/02/2009 15:39

I wouldn't do it myself (and we had a very inexpensive home catered buffet for that reason) but.....If my friends wrote an invite to their wedding and added that they were not having a wedding breakfast, but that if anyone wanted to join them for a meal it would be a wonderful wedding gift (and added detail of the meal/price) then I personally wouldn't mind at all. I would be quite pleased that my company was worth more to them than a gift.

AnyFucker · 18/02/2009 15:39

no, invited guests do not pay for their meal at a wedding in my world

if you cannot afford it, scale it right down

just have the service and a few drinks at the pub or whatever

gagamama · 18/02/2009 15:40

If you can't afford to pay for a wedding meal and reception, why not just go out for a meal to a restaurant after the service? I think you could get away with getting people to pay if they were choosing their own food -but if you're selecting the menu, I'm afraid you pay. It will look very money-grabbing to charge people to come to your wedding, even if it is a good deal.

ProfessorCalculus · 18/02/2009 15:40

£15 for the meal would be cheaper than a wedding present so it would be ok by me. But be very careful how you word it. Do people know you're skint? If not they might just think you're being tight.

Original poster
bratnav · 18/02/2009 15:40

2point4, that is exactly what we have said on the written invites.

Including ourselves and our 3 DDs (whom we are paying for) there are 20 people.

OP posts:
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