to ask our weddin g guests to pay for their meal?

[bratnav]

Because DP and I genuinely have no cash, we got a great deal (£15 per head for 3 courses) and we are only inviting close family & friends to the wedding. We did specify that this would be INSTEAD of any wedding presents.

(We are getting married now as I am PG, so we brought it forward).

Oh, the reason I ask is that everyone we have verbally invited was very cool with it, but my Mother has kicked off about it

bratnav - 15 pounds for all of that sounds a reasonable deal. I would pay as your guest.

Bratnav, I think it's fine.

God bratnav - it'll be fine. Honestly. Your guests love you. They're not just people whiling away the hours on MN and coming across an interesting debate. THey have said theyre fine with it, they are fine with it and you will have a lovely time. Really. Hide this thread

I assume you are not wearing a wedding dress? Or dh-to-be is wearing something can wear again? That any bridesmaids etc are in cheap sundresses from New Look or similar? Honeymoon at home?

If this is the case, then I would not be offended by what you suggest. If you are all froked up to the nines and havng a honeymoon I might be a mite put out.

bratnav, it doesn't matter what we think at the end of the day

I bet you wish you hadn't asked now....

Ahem. frocked up

Bratnav I would use the money that you would be spending on the meal and have your lovely homemade cake and some cava at home with your friends and family.
Tell your Mum to be helpful or butt out.
Dh and I spent all ou savings on paying for our wedding and I wish we'd done it low key and casual now.

If you worded like 2point4kids said, then I think it's fine.

ohh i think YANBU! I want to do the same thing, and i know my friends and family would be very very happy to do this for us! I think its a great idea and the way to go in these cash-strapped times. Well done to you, for breaking a stupid & stiff mold

Oh I HATE weddings- something that is supposed to bring happiness to all involved usually only ends up putting people under financial pressure (sorry- I have major ishoos with weddings in RL at the moment- bloody brother wants to get married in Hawaii and expects me and the family to go- not flaming likely).

Essentially your friends and family will either be fine and pay for their meal or they will politely refuse to come. You just need to have broad shoulders and understand that some people will find it offensive and not be offended if they choose not to come. Good luck.

is anyone of the YABU's feeling a bit bad now?

bratnav, ignore us bitter old harridans, don't let it take the shine off

you have a lovely day and fuck the lot of us

Bratnav. What's done is done and it's probably fine. Or at least not worrying unfine. Some friends won't mind at all, some will think it's a bit odd and others won't like it and will pay up anyway. That would be my guess.

My sister in law asked people for contributions towards a honeymoon. And we all paid. Now I think from things she has said that she knows it was a bit off but nobody would say it to her face.

Congratulations by the way and enjoy your day.

YANBU.

I'd rather spend £15 on a nice meal at an event to remember than put it towards some spoilt-brat-ish wedding list at John bloody Lewis, where I'm expected to chip in £50 for half a Waterford crystal champagne flute or some such foolishness.

It's fine, it's not everybody's cup of tea, but the people you care about know you and you'll have a great day...Good luck, it sounds lovely and intimate , but LORDY, don't ask us bunch of reprobates AIBU if you have already sent the invitations...who has ever agreed on a wedding thread on MN?

Personally, I'd rather pay £15 for my meal than have free sandwiches and quiche in a working men's club

At my BIL's wedding (yup, sandwiches and quiche ) my MIL put the leftovers into doggy bags and tried to sell them to the guests as they left Now that's rude!

PMSL@ selling leftovers.

bratnav - I went the 'unconventional' route.

47 people, champagne from France with a BBQ.
No photographer, no disco/ band

We suggested that is people were going to get us a gift we would prefer money as we were going to Malaysia the next day and then onto New Zealand for a year.

And yes I wrote a twee poem with the request.

Nobody complained as they were all family and close friends who understood our situation.

It was a FANTASTIC day!

Have a lovely day and don't worry what other people think

Buffet

..zips mouth.Don't get me started on asking for cash.

I would be delighted to pay for my meal rather than see a friend of mine get in debt for a wedding, £15 is very reasonable, especially if not getting a wedding. The phrasing suggested below somewhere sounded perfect.

I'd much prefer to do this than have a friend/relative of mine rushing around the night before worrying about catering.

Hope you have a lovely day

I think Daisy Moo has put it into perspective nicely

Meant to say especially if not getting a wedding present....

Even if I thought you were being stingy I wouldn't mind! I was invited to a wedding like this - bride and groom both students. Groom has a rep for being erm... incredibly careful with money. He phrased the invitation (by e-mail) in a 'come to this restaurant, we've got a good deal on the set menu' way. We ribbed him gently, but it was an absolutely fantastic night out and the happy couple were happy and that was all that mattered. It was much cheaper than getting all dressed up and staying in a hotel etc. We bought them a book as a gift. We're all still friends. Don't sweat it - if your friends and family object they're missing the point!

Thanks Daisymoo, that's real nice. Take it was aimed at me. As it happens, we just wanted to celebrate with friends and family in the evening who we couldn't afford to pay for in the day.

And the wink doesn't make what you said any nicer.