to ask our weddin g guests to pay for their meal?

[bratnav]

Because DP and I genuinely have no cash, we got a great deal (£15 per head for 3 courses) and we are only inviting close family & friends to the wedding. We did specify that this would be INSTEAD of any wedding presents.

(We are getting married now as I am PG, so we brought it forward).

Oh, the reason I ask is that everyone we have verbally invited was very cool with it, but my Mother has kicked off about it

If your friends are okay with it but then how could they say otherwise? I wouldn't do it.

Perhaps the answer is not to call them guests-tell them when and where you are getting married and say that they are very welcome to celebrate with you and the meal will be £15.

BTW the last response wasn't directed at the OP, it was for those questioning why some think YABU.

err, pisces, people do say a word about outlandishly expensive hen weekends etc

check a few MN threads out...

I couldn't ask for cash gifts either.

I sympathise with you and thought YANBU but clearly I'm in the minority - if any of my friends/family were in your situation then I'd be delighted to pay for myself and contribute for them too. What goes around comes around.

I would be absolutely fine with it. If they are close friends and family then they will know you can't afford it. I certainly wouldn't be miffed at having to pay for a meal to celebrate the wedding of someone close to me.

I'd probably still buy a gift too but that's just me

You don't charge guests for coming to a party/wedding reception.

YABU. If it is a case of charging people or not doing things as you planned, do something else. Have a buffet at home.

I don't think YABU at all- especially if you have made it clear you DON@T want gifts, and you are skint. However if it was me I'd have a Jacob's Join buffet, but maybe that would go down badly with OP's mum also. Bt it's not her wedding, so tough!
I aggree with Piscesmoon, weddings (so I hear) often involve people in HUGE expense, which they have (apparently) little choice over, so £15 seems nothing really. A friend of mine did soemthing similar to OP, everyone was fine about it AFAIK.

hmmm, nkf has got a good point. If you ask them to pay, they can hardly refuse can they?

Why should getting married mean you have to get yourselves in debt?!

If a close friend of mine asked me to pay for my own meal I wouldn't mind in the slightest. In fact I would rather pay for myself than have a close friend get into debt.

Yes, a buffet might work out, but it's lots more hassle than just going out for a meal in a restaurant and who wants to be slaving over a buffet the night before their wedding?!

Those who think the OP is BU - if somebody invited you out for a meal to celebrate their birthday would you expect your meal to paid for then?

Unmadam , that is pretty much what we have said, that we would love people to come, that we cannot afford a reception, but are going for a meal afterwards, they are welcome to join us and the menu on offer is £15 ph.

My Mum asked why DPs parents weren't paying for all of it, I said it is for the same reasons you aren't, it's a 2nd wedding for us both, so not really appropriate.

Seriously? Someone you love - not a casual acquaintance - is getting married. They have no money, and you know that. They ask if you would be happy to contribute the cost of your meal as a present to them, and you would feel it was an utter cheek to add in this way to the already considerable burden of attending their wedding?

How can any of you say "it's only £150" when you have no idea of the OP's financial circumstances??

You don't have to get yourself in debt over a wedding. Downsize, just realise that all your dreams may not be met.

A buffet is cheap and should please everyone.

I want to do this and was told to fuck off by quite a few people in no uncertain terms and then felt awful for even asking.
If I could have my day again, i'd pay for the meal but have fewer people or get married later in the day and have an evening do with a DJ and some sausage rolls.
I enjoyed the evening bit much more anyway, my meal was £45 a head and bloody awful because the photo's over ran.

birthdays are different to weddings daisy

Sorry - that post was to Thunderduck.

piscesmoon - my feelings exactly! A friend's sister is not only getting married in Cyprus, but is having her hen-do in London (we live on the Welsh border). I'm not invited to either thank God, as I'd only have to say no to both!

But getting married doesn't mean you have to get yourself into debt, Daisy, you simply have the type of wedding you can afford, surely.

I don't think you can ask people to pay for their own food at a wedding celebration. If you can't afford it why not do a nice buffet instead?

I don't think it's a cheek or outrageous to ask. It just doesn't seem quite right to me. A bit off in some way.

If it were me, I'd work out the amount I could afford and tailor things accordingly. I'd also accept any offers of help and so on.

Oh hel, the whole idea of this wedding was that everyone came and celebrated with us, I know it's unconventional, but we have tried to be considerate to everyone.

We are putting people from further away up in our house to save on hotels, we have asked that everyone just wear their favourite outfits, be it a ballgown or pyjamas so there isn't the added expense of a new outfit for them.

Yes it's still rude. Best friend or not.

As I said I'd rather have a cheese sandwich and be treated like a guest than have a luxury meal and be charged for it, which seems rather unwelcoming to me.