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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask our weddin g guests to pay for their meal?

489 replies

bratnav · 18/02/2009 15:32

Because DP and I genuinely have no cash, we got a great deal (£15 per head for 3 courses) and we are only inviting close family & friends to the wedding. We did specify that this would be INSTEAD of any wedding presents.

(We are getting married now as I am PG, so we brought it forward).

Oh, the reason I ask is that everyone we have verbally invited was very cool with it, but my Mother has kicked off about it

OP posts:
myfunnynametaken · 18/02/2009 15:40

do what stretch said. Put it on a credit card and ask for cash gifts (slightly less cheeky to ask for cash gifts than for guests to pay for their own meal imo)

2pt4kids · 18/02/2009 15:41

Hold a buffet instead and ask everyone to bring a dish as a wedding gift?

AnyFucker · 18/02/2009 15:41

or have a knees-up at your house and cater it yourself

HensMum · 18/02/2009 15:41

I think it's a bit off. Couldn't you do a super-cheap buffet? Maybe your mum would chip in if she's so bothered about people paying.
If you've only got a few people coming, it shouldn't cost that much to do a few sandwiches and crisps.

laweaselmys · 18/02/2009 15:41

2pt4kids has a point - how have you put this idea across? I wouldn't be offended if I got an invitation like hers.

But if it was really that small a wedding mostly family/very close friends it would seem strange to me, and if I might be put out because I wouldn't really feel like there was any choice other than to pay and be at all of the wedding.

Original poster
bratnav · 18/02/2009 15:41

Not selecting a menu, the menu we are offering is a standard lunchtime menu the restaurant offers anyway, so 3-4 choices for each course.

OP posts:
MorningTownRide · 18/02/2009 15:41

YANBU

Maybe you should go for something cheaper.

£15 is not a huge bargain.

Do a cold buffet?

Get people to bring a dish?

I can't understand the YABU brigade.

It's a wedding not an excuse for a free meal.

Thunderduck · 18/02/2009 15:42

Yes YABU, It's rude. If they are paying for their meal they are not really your guests.

nappyzonehasastroppytoddler · 18/02/2009 15:42

Hmmm not sure - how many guests are we talking? i would be tempted to do a very cheap buffet instead then when anyone asks if want any help then yes bring it on with the m and s catering !

Thunderduck · 18/02/2009 15:42

Asking for cash gifts is also rude btw.

Original poster
bratnav · 18/02/2009 15:42

We don't have credit cards I'm afraid.

OP posts:
Thunderduck · 18/02/2009 15:43

A buffet is probably the way to go. Nothing wrong with that.

mustrunmore · 18/02/2009 15:43

Well, we had no money so we went for a secret wedding with just two witnesses, went for a pizza afterwards.

I do think tho that it would be nicer to have a buffet at home. After all, its more about the socialising than the actual food IYSWIM. But equally, if its just very close people, yes i think its ok for them to pay as long as you make it clear its just like going out for a meal rather than being a full blown wedding reception.

TheFallenMadonna · 18/02/2009 15:43

But thats daft - the putting it on a credit card suggestion. And people are funny about cash gifts too aren't they? You'd end up with 10 photo frames and a credit card debt!

I think it would be a churlish person indeed who felt affronted after unmadam's suggested invitation.

Tamarto · 18/02/2009 15:43

"It will look very money-grabbing to charge people to come to your wedding, even if it is a good deal."

Why? Would you presume they were making a profit from it?

YANBU - If as has been said, you've worded it as an option. Not if you are coming to the wedding you're due us xx.

frazzledgirl · 18/02/2009 15:43

I like ummadam's suggestion.

I sympathise with your situation, and it is a bit different when it's v close friends and family, but am not sure you can call people your guests if you're effectively charging them to attend, you know?

BitOfFun · 18/02/2009 15:43

Oh no, cash gifts, very very vulgar, yuck!

BCNS · 18/02/2009 15:44

YABU.. bring a dish is a fab idea.. a real proper family and friends get together!..

Stretch · 18/02/2009 15:44

You could do a nice cold buffet for around £80. No sandwiches, just platters of meats and lots of crusty bread. Salads and sausage rolls etc.. Then get people to bring a bottle.

laweaselmys · 18/02/2009 15:44

I think a buffet and a request for people to bring something with them is the best idea so far.

However if you've already sent the invites it's a bit late isn't it?

piscesmoon · 18/02/2009 15:44

I am really surprised that people think it is unreasonable! People have huge hen nights and go abroad, expecting friends to be willing to pay or hold them in outlandish places that need a lot of money for air fares and hotels and no one says a word-mention £15 for a meal INSTEAD and there is a fuss! OP is talking about close family and friends who I am sure would understand.
If the bride was paying thousands for a dress and colour coordinating napkins etc she couldn't possibly charge for meals but OP isn't.

If they don't understand I would suggest that you and DP go off on your own and have a lovely even smaller wedding.

Mammina · 18/02/2009 15:45

agree with ummadam and gagamama
invite them to the wedding itself, then say 'we're going for a meal afterwards & you're welcome to join us' kind of thing, or hold drinks afterwards & then go to a restaurant in the evening with whoever wants to come. A bit difficult now that you've already done it though.. (although you have said it's instead of a present and it's only £15 so don't stress too much about it)

myfunnynametaken · 18/02/2009 15:45

having a wedding is one of the few times in your life when you get to treat your friends and family to a nice meal. Just pay for the meal and go without something else. It's nice to throw a party for other people to enjoy.

Stretch · 18/02/2009 15:46

I didn't say cash gifts!

Just putting £300 on a card with no interest over 6 months is £50 a month. Was only a suggestion!

Thunderduck · 18/02/2009 15:46

Of course it's unreasonable, you aren't doing anyone a favour by inviting them to a wedding, which costs a small fortune for parking, outfit, gift etc, and to ask them to pay for their meals is utter cheek.

Better cheese and bread than a 3 course luxury meal which the so called guests have to pay for.